is he being selfish?

LegacyUser

Hello I'm a long time user of this site but I decided I would go anonymous.
I'm a girl and my only two real friends in the world or my sister and this guy at work. I'm too messed up for some people so I have loads of friends but they are the only two who I can talk to about any thing meaningful.
Me an him both started working in the same place at the same time, we got yapping on msn a few times and became very good friends.
We would often go out for walks together or just hang out in each others flats talking about random stuff. We got really close and I felt like I could tell him anything and he wouldnt over react or tell anyone and we had a lot in common.
One night while we were out for a walk he asked me out, he said it was perfectly fine if I said no and that he'd understand if I just wanted to be friends.
I have never been asked out before ever in all my life and I've never had a boyfriend so I was a bit taken a back. But I only saw him as a friend and had to say "I dunno" cos I didn't have the heart to say no outright. He got the hint though and we continued as friends for a long time.
Untill I went back to my parents house for a week, everything was fine until then.
While I was away he practically ignored me, never text or went on msn.
I just assumed he was busy or whatever and I thought nothing of it.
When I cam back he called round to my place for a bit, he was really quiet so I asked him what was up.
He just said "we cant be friends anymore cos I still feel the same way about you as I did when I asked you out, there's no way I can go on torturing myself by being around you and knowing we can't be together. And when you eventually do get a boyfriend it wil kill me to hear you talk about how great he is. its horrible knowing that"
My reaction was just like what! I told that if I do get a boyfriend then I just wont talk about him when he was around and he just said that that wasnt good enough.
He was actually crying while he was telling me this and I never seen him express any proper emotion before he wasnt bawling like but he was crying. He said he was sorry but he couldnt put himself through it etc etc and that he wished he didnt feel that way about me.
I was absolutely balling crying. He just came over gave me a hug and said I'm sorry and then left leaving me there crying.
Since then I haven't heard from him at all, if I text him he doesnt text back and he wont answer any of my phone calls. I heard from his flatmate that he's not himself lately hes very quiet and he goes out at night for "a run" all the time. apparently he drives like a lunatic now revving the car like crazy all the time where as before he was always a very calm safe driver.
I do see him in work but he just says hello and talks to me like I'm just anyone else.
I dont know what to do, I'm worried about my friend and I miss him alot.
What can I do? I'm really really missing him right now

Peggypeg

hey Sweetie,
It's really sad that this has happened but in fairness the guy has been nothing but honest with you. He's made his feelings clear and said that being around you is going to hurt him and so he doesn't want to be around you. He's just looking after his emotional wellbeing. If you really care about him you will respect his wishes and leave him alone to get over you. You can't rely on two people to be your support, that's alot to put on two people. You need to start widening your social circle. You say you have other friends so I would suggest you go out with them more. Did you say no to a date because you don't fancy him or just because you were surprised he asked? Maybe examine your feelings for him to see if you would be interested in him that way, if you think you would enjoy dating him maybe ask him out. But don't do it unless you actually want to date him because you wouldn't want to hurt him, he sounds like a good person.
Best of Luck sweetie.

cafecolour

You can't be friends with someone you're in love with - it's living h*ll. He needs to get over you, and doing that involves not seeing you. It's unfortunate, but remaining friends would entirely benefit you, but be very destructive for him.

Bonito

Hi Op. Even though he said no matter what your answer was you'd stay be friends he was just fooling himself. His feelings for you must have been stronger than he thought and for you two to remian friends would just stress him out and tear him apart. In saying that, don't go on a date or start a relationship with him just so you can have him there again. He'll eventually come back around and realise friends is better but for now take off the gas and let him find his thoughts and get over you. Then hopefully you should be able to renew the friendship. If you haven't done already why not try confiding in your sister too? Maybe you could get along with her circle of friends and broaden your friends list?