Please help with My Decision

LegacyUser

Hi All,
I am a very regular boards poster. But this is my first time posting in RI with an issue of mine. I do often post advising other people. This particularl issue is of big importance to me, so I would appreciate if you could take the time to read this and provide opinions/advice. Thank you.

Ok - Background.
I am 26. Have had 3 long-term/serious relationships in my life. Been Single over a year. Last Sept. after a night out with friends I went to a fast food place on my own. While there I met a nice girl and ended up chatting to her and we went for a walk around the city for a few hours. Turns out she's from the same town as me and we shared a taxi home (to our separate places). No kiss, but swapped numbers.

Met up quite a bit over the next 6 - 8 weeks. At the time she was waiting for her visas to be finalised for a job over in the US and she expected to move before xmas. Now, we got on great but no kisses or anythin and because of that and the fact that she was due to move to the other side of the world I figured, "friendzone" and just forget about it as being anythin other than friendship.

Anyway, we kept on meeting up etc... regularly and suddenly one night just before Christmas, in a certain way I looked at her in the pub, I realised I had or was falling for her. Yikes I thought. Her Visas got delayed and she wasn't due to move until 2nd or 3rd week in Jan.

Anyway 4 days before she was due to move she came over to my house to spend the night and watch dvds, have food and drink. We had our drinks and watched some films and decided to go to bed at 3am. I was telling her to sleep in my bed and I'd sleep in the spare cos my room is more comfortable and she'd be spending the day ther while I went to work the next morn. Anyway she insisted I sleep in it with her no hassle. So i did. Left my clothes on etc... but within a few minutes we kissed for the first time and had some "heavy petting" for the next 4 hours or so. I called in sick to work cos I wanted to spend the day with her.

We spent the next night together then also, in her place but no kissing etc... Then the next night (her last night in Ireland) we went out for dinner with some of her friends. Then went back to her place. we then spent 5 hours all over each other but ran out of time before we could "go all the way" as she had to get to the airport. It was the most magical night of my life without doubt. we said our goodbyes and left each other. I didn't really think about things much that morning.

But she was texting from the airport, saying goodbye and she'd contact me via Skype facebooke etc... Soon after that, I felt sick and deeply depressed. Suddenly, out of nowhere I realised, that I had feelings for her, well beyond what I thought. I am not sure if I want to use the word love. cos I don't really know if it is. But I can say I have never felt this way about anyone before. my 3 "failed" relationships never left me with these kind of feelings. I have hardly are a thing since sunday, I burst out crying regularly during the day - I am a 26 year old guy and I rarely cry. That's how I know how big a deal this is to me.

She's gone now and we have skyped a bit since she left. I have written a long email for her, telling her how I feel but also telling her that I just wanted her to know that and I didn't expect anything in return. I haven't sent it yet.

I don't know whether to send it. I want to, but am apprehensive about it. I suppose I have nothing to lose by sending it. But really probably nothing to gain either other than telling her how I feel. I probably would have sent it by now but there's one major thing holding me back.:
She's off starting a new career and new life for herself. She's got a two year visa with an option for a 3 year extension. So there's a good chance she may never come back to Ireland. I feel it might be selfish of me to land this email on her while she's starting her new life. I don't want to cause her any sort of grief like that.

I suppose I would really appreciate your advice and opinion on the situation in general but also as to whether I should or shouldn't send the email.

I am sorry this is so long. I hope I get a good level of responses to this as It means so much to me at the moment. One way or another.
Thanks

AvaKinder

That sounds like such a tough situation.

I guess the best advice I can give is to ask you to really consider what you think might happen if you do send it.

It could not go so well if she doesn't feel the same, and you might loose a friend.

Saying all does go well, and she feels the same way about you, the two of you are still left living in completely different countries. And because she is so far away the likelihood of meeting up more than a handful of times while she's gone is very low (unless of course you have piles of money and holiday days in work ).

Ultimitely I guess you'll have to consider whether you could make a long distance relationship work, if you'd consider moving, and the possibility that she may end up wanting to stay there for good.

I guess I'm just saying to give it a few days to really think about how far you would be willling to go to make it work if she feels the same, how much it would hurt you if she doesn't, and what you may feel if she never knows.

It may also scare her to have something like this happen at a time when she's going through such a big change in her life and that may make her alot more reserved than she may have been otherwise.

mobilecore

How old is she by any chance?

LegacyUser

She's 25.

Well I have financial committments here that I couldn't sort out for at least a year. But that's not the problem. Nor is my will to make it work.But she's in the US and unless I won a Greencard through the Diversity Lottery (slim chance), I'd never get a working visa for the US. So I think a move over there is out of the question really as much as I'd lke it.

TheGod

Winter1 wrote: »

She's 25.

Well I have financial committments here that I couldn't sort out for at least a year. But that's not the problem. Nor is my will to make it work.But she's in the US and unless I won a Greencard through the Diversity Lottery (slim chance), I'd never get a working visa for the US. So I think a move over there is out of the question really as much as I'd lke it.

Wow. Slow done there. You've kissed he twice and your prepared to leave Ireland, leave your job, everything you have and move to America for her?

Even if you'd been with her a few months I'd still be hesistant.

LegacyUser

I don't know what I'd be prepared to d to be honest. But for example, even if I did decide I wanted to move over there, I couldn't anyway due to visa restrictions etc... so it's not really an option at the moment!

cafecolour

Keep in touch. Buy a plane ticket for a week or two visit in April (after checking with her first, of course). See if there's still chemistry then.

ManOfMystery

Dupicate post sorry, please delete.

ManOfMystery

This is a tricky one alright.

On the one hand, you could send her the email and it could add an unneccessary element to her new life in USA - and one which could hold her back. No doubt she is excited about all the changes in her life and this new adventure she is embarking on - a guy back home pining for her may not really be conducive to that, and it may be a pressure she doesn't want or need.

On the other hand, she could be missing you as much as you miss her and emailing her could be the opening line that you both need to start some kind of relationship together.

Before she left, did she make any references to missing you, or seeing you again, etc? If she didn't I'd be inclined to think she was only looking at it as a fleeting romance and nothing more. Perhaps your best course of action is to wait for a few weeks and see what kind of vibes you get from her in your regular emails/contacts.

I'd be inclined to agree with the poster below that considering moving to the USA - on the strength of a few weeks seeing each other as friends and a few kisses - is crazy. But then, people in love have done crazier things and it's worked ....................................

My reply is somewhat ambivalent but this is a very 50/50 situation in that it could very easily go very wrong, or go very right ..... just tread carefully and guage her reactions slowly. I don't think a huge declaration of undying love will do you both any favours save getting it off your chest.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far.

Yeah when we were parting company she said she was going to miss me. I am going on holdiay to the US in May for 2 weeks but on the opposite end of the country to her. However, she did say I'd have to try get up to her while I am there and I will most likely take an internal flight and spend 2 or 3 days with her.

As said, we've "skyped" each evening since she left. Not a lot to be said really about the content of those. mostly just telling me how she's getting on with apartment hunting etc... and general chit chat. The only thing really I could pick up on is that she said she was really happy to wake up to a message from one of the mornings.

extra-ordinary_

I could be totally wrong, but from what I've read, I get the impression that this is a big thing to you but possibly only a fleeting romance to her -as ManOfMystery said. She has an awful lot going on in her life right now with moving to America and a whole new chapter in her life opening up.
I would try and find out from her how special she regards your time spent together. Can you not ask her what the situation is between you? If you want the relationship to continue and progress, you can tell her this, and then she can tell you how she sees it.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Well that's kinda what I had in mind with the email I had drafted. Just telling her how I feel but not actually asking her for a reply to it. That way, if she felt the same way the door is open for her to let me know. And if not, well then so be it.

But I don't want to throw a burden on her either while she starts her new life. Not sure what the best thing to do is really. that's why I am here I guess

LegacyUser

Judging by the replies, I guess I should just drop the idea now and try move on with my life while maybe keeping a long distance friendship with her.

I suppose the only thing that was edging me towards emailing her was that to be fair she didn't know how I feel either (i.e. if I just saw it as a fleeting romance and nothing more) and that maybe it would be a good idea one way or another to put my cards on the table to see if there was anything there.

Apart from telling her I'd miss her when we were parting company I didn't say much else to her about "us".

The only other thing that comes to mind is on the last morning as we were lying hugging/holding in bed She did say "i wish we could stay like this forever". I didn't think much of it at the time, supposing it could be a "just in the moment" thing. Any thoughts?

fairycakes

Hi Winter1

First of all I am sorry your feeling so awful that feeling is
just horrible! I completely disagree with some of the other guys who says
you can't fall for someone inside a couple of months??! there are no set rules
to how long you have to spend with someone before falling in love with them!
I say bite the bullet this girl might just be in USA just as upset as yourself and wondering if there's a story or not, If she just wants to be mates then at least you will find out now and can move on, if you don't your going be wrecking your head with this until you do!!

Keep us updated with your decision, hope it works out whatever you decide!

Cheers
Fairycakes

ManOfMystery

OP,

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. After reading your latest replies, I'm thinking now that maybe you SHOULD send the email - but keep it low key, no pressure or demands of her, just keep it upbeat and tell her how great it's been since you've met her, how strongly you feel for her, how great you think she is and that you just wanted her to know you feel this way. Then see what she comes back with. Her reply will really dictate one way or another where this is going, but no matter whether its positive or negative at least your email didn't try and force her into a certain position.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

OP,

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. After reading your latest replies, I'm thinking now that maybe you SHOULD send the email - but keep it low key, no pressure or demands of her, just keep it upbeat and tell her how great it's been since you've met her, how strongly you feel for her, how great you think she is and that you just wanted her to know you feel this way. Then see what she comes back with. Her reply will really dictate one way or another where this is going, but no matter whether its positive or negative at least your email didn't try and force her into a certain position.

Hi,

oh no the email that I have drafted is very clear that I expect nothing in return. I mention it a few times through the email and it is the very clear message at the beginning and the end. The email is essentially telling her, my feelings about her and an attempt of explaining how and when those feelings came about.

In the email I have also asked that she read it but said that I didn't actually expect a reply or an acknowledgement of it. I would be purposely sending it to her own email address - which we never use to contact each other - as a means to keeping it separate from our normal lines of communication through skype and facebook.

LegacyUser

Thank you all.

I will try gear myelf up for the rest of the day and send it tonight. I will of course, keep you updated.

I know I probably come across a bit silly - 4 months knowing somebody and having these feelings for someone.

But as I said in my opening post, I have been through pretty much everything with relationships in the past. I've had the break ups, the good times and the bad times but I have most definitely never had this reaction to a girl or a situation involving a girl before. That's why I feel that there is something definitively differnt about this than anything I have ever experienced.

Of course, I don't know what reaction I will get from my emal - but I think good or bad at least I'll know. Of course, if it IS good, there isn't really a lot can happen anyway because of the distance. But I guess that's a bridge to be crossed if it goes that far.!

emac82

Hi Op,

Tough situation to be in! As mentioned already I dont think there are any timescales for falling in love! When you know you know! I think you should send the email but maybe not right away! Give her time to adjust to her new life and surroundings. Maybe when she is settled in a bit more you might get the response your looking for. Whats meant for you wont pass you by!! Bet of luck.

extra-ordinary_

You could send her an email letting her know all the news with you and enquiring as to all the news with her, and in one of the paragraphs, ask her what she sees happening for your relationship and does it figure in her new life, and tell her what it has meant/means for you.

Be totally honest with her and don't apologise or minimise what she means to you. She may feel exactly the same as you but sees you playing it cool also. Even if she doesn't feel the same, you will have told her honestly how you feel and if she can't go for that well there's nothing more you could have done.

LegacyUser

Hello All,

I just wanted to thank you again for the advice given.

I have considered everything over the last while and taking into account the advice given here and from friends and doing some serious soul searching and I have now sent off the email.

It was scary clicking the "send" button but I eventually did it. Within a moment a mixture of fear and relief washed over me. I have no regrets about sending it now. What may come, will come.
I will let you know what kind of reaction (if any) that I get. Who knows, I may even need further advice on the situation.

LegacyUser

just read this post now i really hope it works out for you man. its like something out of a movie i hope you get the happy ending you want. keep us updated and best of luck again ive my fingers crossed for you. i think you did the right thing you only live once

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I'm replying to your original post so forgive me if the discussion has moved on. My advice would be to tell her. What you've discribed to me is falling in love, I think the story is just so romantic. I mean how often do you meet someone in a fast food place at night alone and end up walking around town talking for hours. It sounds to me like you really clicked with this girl and she with you. It's such a pity she moved away because it sounds like it would have been one hell of a romance. I'm going to give into my girly romantic side and tell you to throw caution to the wind. If you've found someone that you feel so strongly about and so quickly then you owe it to yourself to see it through, it's not often that someone comes into your life like she did and you could end up wondering what would have happened if you had sent the email. Flights to America are expensive I agree but from the sounds of it you're a hell of a nice guy and a gentleman too (offering your bed etc.) and I think she saw that too. Granted I don't know you or her but it sounds to me like she felt the same as you do. I think it would an awful pity if you don't send the email and let her know just how strongly you feel, for all you know she has an email of her own wondering should she send it. The worst that will happen is she'll say it can't work and then you'll be better off because you won't be wondering anymore, the best that can happen is that she says that she feels the same and you two will figure out how to make it work. You need to figure out which is worse; getting knocked back or never trying and always wondering. Seriously sweetie, I would send that email if I were you, tell her everything, how much you miss her and how surprised you are by your feelings and how you'd love if you could figure out a way to be together (I assuming that's what you want). Honestly sweetie, I wish you the very best of luck, I think if she decides to go for it you too will have one hell of a romantic story and also considering what you're up against if you do make it you'll be one hell of a strong couple.

Again best of luck sweetie,

And please please please come back and let us know how it goes.

PS> Just read the rest of your posts, so the above is a bit redundant but I'll leave it. It's so exciting that you sent it, please let us know how it goes!!! Forgive me but my girly romantic side is swooning, I've everything crossed that this turns into something beautiful and special for you!!
BEST OF LUCK!!!

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

I'm replying to your original post so forgive me if the discussion has moved on. My advice would be to tell her. What you've discribed to me is falling in love, I think the story is just so romantic. I mean how often do you meet someone in a fast food place at night alone and end up walking around town talking for hours. It sounds to me like you really clicked with this girl and she with you. It's such a pity she moved away because it sounds like it would have been one hell of a romance. I'm going to give into my girly romantic side and tell you to throw caution to the wind. If you've found someone that you feel so strongly about and so quickly then you owe it to yourself to see it through, it's not often that someone comes into your life like she did and you could end up wondering what would have happened if you had sent the email. Flights to America are expensive I agree but from the sounds of it you're a hell of a nice guy and a gentleman too (offering your bed etc.) and I think she saw that too. Granted I don't know you or her but it sounds to me like she felt the same as you do. I think it would an awful pity if you don't send the email and let her know just how strongly you feel, for all you know she has an email of her own wondering should she send it. The worst that will happen is she'll say it can't work and then you'll be better off because you won't be wondering anymore, the best that can happen is that she says that she feels the same and you two will figure out how to make it work. You need to figure out which is worse; getting knocked back or never trying and always wondering. Seriously sweetie, I would send that email if I were you, tell her everything, how much you miss her and how surprised you are by your feelings and how you'd love if you could figure out a way to be together (I assuming that's what you want). Honestly sweetie, I wish you the very best of luck, I think if she decides to go for it you too will have one hell of a romantic story and also considering what you're up against if you do make it you'll be one hell of a strong couple.

Again best of luck sweetie,

And please please please come back and let us know how it goes.

PS> Just read the rest of your posts, so the above is a bit redundant but I'll leave it. It's so exciting that you sent it, please let us know how it goes!!! Forgive me but my girly romantic side is swooning, I've everything crossed that this turns into something beautiful and special for you!!
BEST OF LUCK!!!

Hi Peggypeg,

Firstly, thank you for your advice and even more so for your lovely message and good wishes. It was a joy to read and makes me feel better about everything.

Well, almost as exactly as you outlined I sent a long email on Saturday telling her everything I felt. I didn't ask anything in return and just let her know that I needed to tell her how I felt about her.

Anyway. I got a very quick reply (which she apologised for) the next morning. She was just moving into her new Apartment and hadn't got internet access. But She did send me a text later that day saying sorry again about not being able to reply. Anyway days go by and I had 2 more texts to say she was thinking about me and as soon as she had internet she'd be replying.

So.... last night another text asking me to check my mail. I was in the cinema at the time. Thankfully with only 15 mins or so left in the film. My God the anticipation almost killed me. I couldn't wait to get home to check. Excitement and fear completely devoured me.

Anyway... the email:
It was long and covered a number of things. BUT, thankfully, with great joy, I read that she felt the same and missed me terribly and discussed so many things about our time together and how she wanted to tell me what I had told her.

we skyped and sent some rather long emails discussing things back and forth through the night. We haven't yet discussed what approach to take or how we play the matter. I'll be visting her for 4 days in May.

We haven't yet defined our relationship so I am not sure what direction this will go. But the first hurdle is down. A long-distance relationship will not be easy, I know that, but I want to make it work. Whatever it takes I suppose. There is something very different that has happened with this girl that I've never experienced before and it would be a real shame for me not to at least make an effort to get it to work.

calahans

Nice one. Good to hear a story working out for someone. Goes to show the old saying "fortune favours the brave" is true

ManOfMystery

Well done OP. I often post on here 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', it's an old saying but I find it serves me well .............. and it's obviously worked here. At least the first step is out of the way and you can both work together now to build your relationship.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your kind words.

It feels great I have to say. It's an awful pity there are stil many hurdles in the way. I suppose with one being knocked down now I'll (we'll) just work on the others bit by bit, define what we want to do and how to do it and work at it. It'll be a tough time I've no doubt but if it's worth it (as I think it is) then circumstances well beyond my control will be the cause for it not to work and not because I didn't make a good go of it.

LegacyUser

Winter1 wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words.

It feels great I have to say. It's an awful pity there are stil many hurdles in the way. I suppose with one being knocked down now I'll (we'll) just work on the others bit by bit, define what we want to do and how to do it and work at it. It'll be a tough time I've no doubt but if it's worth it (as I think it is) then circumstances well beyond my control will be the cause for it not to work and not because I didn't make a good go of it.

Fantastic OP, fairplay for having the b*$$ to send the e-mail. I have a similar situation myself but did not give as much information as you have but i feel i can kinda relate because of the distance and circumstances are quite similar.

LegacyUser

looooove wrote: »

Fantastic OP, fairplay for having the b*$$ to send the e-mail. I have a similar situation myself but did not give as much information as you have but i feel i can kinda relate because of the distance and circumstances are quite similar.

Hi, I have been following your thread alright. I didn't comment on it though as I didn't think I would be able to provide sound advice considering my own position was so much up in the air.

The good things are never easy in life are they?

LegacyUser

Winter1 wrote: »

The good things are never easy in life are they?

No they are not easy and the good things don't come along that offen or so i believe. You can only take it one day at time and you will get some tough times but hopefully it all works out for you both.

Peggypeg

Winter1 wrote: »

Hi Peggypeg,

Firstly, thank you for your advice and even more so for your lovely message and good wishes. It was a joy to read and makes me feel better about everything.

Well, almost as exactly as you outlined I sent a long email on Saturday telling her everything I felt. I didn't ask anything in return and just let her know that I needed to tell her how I felt about her.

Anyway. I got a very quick reply (which she apologised for) the next morning. She was just moving into her new Apartment and hadn't got internet access. But She did send me a text later that day saying sorry again about not being able to reply. Anyway days go by and I had 2 more texts to say she was thinking about me and as soon as she had internet she'd be replying.

So.... last night another text asking me to check my mail. I was in the cinema at the time. Thankfully with only 15 mins or so left in the film. My God the anticipation almost killed me. I couldn't wait to get home to check. Excitement and fear completely devoured me.

Anyway... the email:
It was long and covered a number of things. BUT, thankfully, with great joy, I read that she felt the same and missed me terribly and discussed so many things about our time together and how she wanted to tell me what I had told her.

we skyped and sent some rather long emails discussing things back and forth through the night. We haven't yet discussed what approach to take or how we play the matter. I'll be visting her for 4 days in May.

We haven't yet defined our relationship so I am not sure what direction this will go. But the first hurdle is down. A long-distance relationship will not be easy, I know that, but I want to make it work. Whatever it takes I suppose. There is something very different that has happened with this girl that I've never experienced before and it would be a real shame for me not to at least make an effort to get it to work.

Oh my God sweetie, that is just wonderful. I just knew from your OP that she'd feel the same, the talking for ages, the obvious consideration you both had for each other etc. I'm smiling so much for you!!! Happy DANCE!!!! Seriously sweetie, enjoy every minute of what looks likely to be a very happy and romantic and beautiful story.

Best of luck sweetie!!!

Taltos

Oh man - that is just crap for you - sorry.

At this stage I think you have taken a few days.
Why not start slowly - next time you are talking let her know that you miss her loads, more than you thought she would.

But don't make any rash decisions re your job or put pressure on her either way. You have to figure that right now she is finding her feet over there and is feeling homesick - it could be quite easy to plant doubt in her head.

Why not float the idea of you going over there for 2 wks in the Summer and see how it goes then. If at that stage you still feel as strongly and she reciprocates then maybe consider a move across.

I did this a good few yrs ago - only diff was there was no internet / no skpe - and jobs here were hard to find. Don't regret making the move - but I did take 3 or 4 mts to think about it and to save furiously...

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Oh man - that is just crap for you - sorry.

At this stage I think you have taken a few days.
Why not start slowly - next time you are talking let her know that you miss her loads, more than you thought she would.

But don't make any rash decisions re your job or put pressure on her either way. You have to figure that right now she is finding her feet over there and is feeling homesick - it could be quite easy to plant doubt in her head.

Why not float the idea of you going over there for 2 wks in the Summer and see how it goes then. If at that stage you still feel as strongly and she reciprocates then maybe consider a move across.

I did this a good few yrs ago - only diff was there was no internet / no skpe - and jobs here were hard to find. Don't regret making the move - but I did take 3 or 4 mts to think about it and to save furiously...

Hi taltos, thanks for the input. I think you have replied to my OP, and things have moved on a bit since then.

The idea of moving across sounds great but I've a mortgage to pay and no hope of a visa anytime soon so long-term moves like that are just not possible in the short term at least. Extended holiday visits are the best I can hope for, for the time being.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Oh my God sweetie, that is just wonderful. I just knew from your OP that she'd feel the same, the talking for ages, the obvious consideration you both had for each other etc. I'm smiling so much for you!!! Happy DANCE!!!! Seriously sweetie, enjoy every minute of what looks likely to be a very happy and romantic and beautiful story.

Best of luck sweetie!!!

Thanks a million pet.

Don't get me wrong, I am well happy. But I am afraid my jumping for joy is a little limited for now due to the fact that we are facing into a long-distance relationship (which actually has yet been defined) and the problems associated with same.

But one hurdle cleared and I will be making every effort to make it work!

mr_edge_to_you

As Delboy says "he who dares.....". You sent the mail - fair play! Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Well after plenty of more discussions we have now decided to give th LDR thing a go. So we're now officially an exclusive couple! I am delighted. We'l plan holidays etc.. around each other and see how it all goes. I truely hope it works out!

Darthhoob

Winter1 wrote: »

Well after plenty of more discussions we have now decided to give th LDR thing a go. So we're now officially an exclusive couple! I am delighted. We'l plan holidays etc.. around each other and see how it all goes. I truely hope it works out!

Awesome!

ManOfMystery

Congratulations OP. Not many people move abroad to start a new job and new life only for them then to start a relationship with someone back home, I would take that as a good sign that she's very into you

chicken_food

Congratulations Winter1! Delighted to hear how this has turned out for you.

I'm in a LDR myself-dont be afraid of it! Its going to be tough, require alot of work but the best part about it is when you are together -everything is so much easier. I've been at this for nearly 8 months and have been lucky that we've been able to have 3 trips of about 10-14 days each -with another one planned for march. Without doubt the best advice I can give is PLAN YOUR TRIP NOW! You cannot underestimate the difference KNOWING you are going to see eachother makes to your day to day LDR.

Check out the usual airlines on a weekly basis-I've found flights to the west coast of USA for 410euro that can go up to 1300 the next day. Considering we might not see eachother for 3 months - 410 euro isnt that much. If we were going out over here, we'd be going out to dinner/take aways/cinema/trips away etc most weekends+during the week.....so cost shouldnt be an issue! 4 days in May might not be enough for both of you between now and then imho.

Skype is a god send, specially if you have web cams. Just seeing them smile can brighten up your day. My best investment so far has been an iphone - for the simple fact that a .79c application that I got with it - allows me to send texts to the US and vice versa for free. (plus I have skype on it too) It has saved me a fortune!!!! Although Vodafone have 13c texts and pretty cheap calls too. My OH has a call card with calleire.com which she uses to call me with (as verizon don't allow calls to IRL). Its 2.4c a min and then we organize a skype or call back - so $20 credit on it lasts forever.

Oh and I can never say it enough - NEVER EVER go to bed angry at eachother! It sounds stupid, but considering all you have is being able to TALK - if you leave things boil over to the next day, every little thing can seem huge. Why hasn't she replied to my text, why hasn't she called back etc....when at any other time you wouldnt think twice about it.

Last but not least, be honest with eachother. Whether its good or bad - you both need to be able to say anything.

These things will make things a little bit easier for you both - which is all you can ask for right now. Best of luck and keep us all posted. If you have any questions for me feel free to pm me-id love to help you out.

ManOfMystery

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Congratulations OP. Not many people move abroad to start a new job and new life only for them then to start a relationship with someone back home, I would take that as a good sign that she's very into you

I did it. Well, the guy I started seeing moved to Asia (it was planned before we got together) and we were just casually dating for a few months. When he left, we realised we really just wanted to be together, so we started going out, yep, after he'd left! People thought we were mad, but we managed to keep it going, despite me only being able to visit twice in a year. I won't lie, it was difficult, especially not being able to get a hug or do anything in 'real life', especially towards the end, but he's back now and it's great. It's like he never left. I will say I wouldn't do it again, as I think life's too short for another long period apart, but this time it just sort of worked out.

LegacyUser

chicken_food wrote: »

Congratulations Winter1! Delighted to hear how this has turned out for you.

I'm in a LDR myself-dont be afraid of it! Its going to be tough, require alot of work but the best part about it is when you are together -everything is so much easier. I've been at this for nearly 8 months and have been lucky that we've been able to have 3 trips of about 10-14 days each -with another one planned for march. Without doubt the best advice I can give is PLAN YOUR TRIP NOW! You cannot underestimate the difference KNOWING you are going to see eachother makes to your day to day LDR.

Check out the usual airlines on a weekly basis-I've found flights to the west coast of USA for 410euro that can go up to 1300 the next day. Considering we might not see eachother for 3 months - 410 euro isnt that much. If we were going out over here, we'd be going out to dinner/take aways/cinema/trips away etc most weekends+during the week.....so cost shouldnt be an issue! 4 days in May might not be enough for both of you between now and then imho.

Skype is a god send, specially if you have web cams. Just seeing them smile can brighten up your day. My best investment so far has been an iphone - for the simple fact that a .79c application that I got with it - allows me to send texts to the US and vice versa for free. (plus I have skype on it too) It has saved me a fortune!!!! Although Vodafone have 13c texts and pretty cheap calls too. My OH has a call card with calleire.com which she uses to call me with (as verizon don't allow calls to IRL). Its 2.4c a min and then we organize a skype or call back - so $20 credit on it lasts forever.

Oh and I can never say it enough - NEVER EVER go to bed angry at eachother! It sounds stupid, but considering all you have is being able to TALK - if you leave things boil over to the next day, every little thing can seem huge. Why hasn't she replied to my text, why hasn't she called back etc....when at any other time you wouldnt think twice about it.

Last but not least, be honest with eachother. Whether its good or bad - you both need to be able to say anything.

These things will make things a little bit easier for you both - which is all you can ask for right now. Best of luck and keep us all posted. If you have any questions for me feel free to pm me-id love to help you out.

Thanks a million for that message. It's great to get some info from somebody in a similar position. I think I will definitely PM you at some stage if you don't mind.

I am definitely going to be investing in an iPhone as soon as I have the money. I have certainly been looking at all of the various communication options etc... but any and all tips are very much welcome.

Unfortunately, the way it has worked out, I won't be able to get over to see her at any other stage bar the 4 days for now. But I am hoping to get 10 - 14 days with her in August and something similar again around mid October. Certainly €400 every 3 months will be well worth it. I have no problem with that.

We have both got webcams now which we hope to use for the first time tomorrow so we are slowly but surely getting set up.

I've never been in a LDR before, so I don't really know what to expect other than that it won't be easy. But I really want it to work and she seems to as well so hopefully we'll get through it...

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];64347728]I did it. Well, the guy I started seeing moved to Asia (it was planned before we got together) and we were just casually dating for a few months. When he left, we realised we really just wanted to be together, so we started going out, yep, after he'd left! People thought we were mad, but we managed to keep it going, despite me only being able to visit twice in a year. I won't lie, it was difficult, especially not being able to get a hug or do anything in 'real life', especially towards the end, but he's back now and it's great. It's like he never left. I will say I wouldn't do it again, as I think life's too short for another long period apart, but this time it just sort of worked out.[/QUOTE]

Hi Khloe Attractive Seismograph,
It's great to hear a success story. Do you mind me asking how long you two were apart?
It looks likely that we'll be 2 years apart - hope to be able to see her 4 or 5 maybe even 6 times a year depending on money etc... 2 years sounds so daunting though... I am a positive person though and I really hope to make it work.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
i just read your whole post now and i have to say i am so happy she feels the same, i was in a similar situation where i sent an email saying how i felt and got a i wanna be friends reply(fortune did not favour the brave in that instance), the worst more gut renching feeling of my life so as i was reading i was praying that she felt the same and maybe it has put my faith back in things like this. i am so happy for you, i know its long distance but i bet when you think of her now it makes you happy and she is the same, what more could you want in life.

chicken_food

Winter1 wrote: »

Thanks a million for that message. It's great to get some info from somebody in a similar position. I think I will definitely PM you at some stage if you don't mind.

I am definitely going to be investing in an iPhone as soon as I have the money. I have certainly been looking at all of the various communication options etc... but any and all tips are very much welcome.

Unfortunately, the way it has worked out, I won't be able to get over to see her at any other stage bar the 4 days for now. But I am hoping to get 10 - 14 days with her in August and something similar again around mid October. Certainly €400 every 3 months will be well worth it. I have no problem with that.

We have both got webcams now which we hope to use for the first time tomorrow so we are slowly but surely getting set up.

I've never been in a LDR before, so I don't really know what to expect other than that it won't be easy. But I really want it to work and she seems to as well so hopefully we'll get through it...

By all means-feel free to contact me!! I'll happily give you any advice that I have!
My gf and I have had the recent trouble of trying to figure out the best way for us to be together come may/june. So far its looking like she's going to come over her to do a masters for a year - then go from there. You're lucky you have a definitive time frame for both of you!
Ps-I hope she's not on the west coast - cos the 8hr time diff can take its toll! eg 2-3am calls for you is only 6-7pm for her. Take it in turns to do the 'late night shift'.
pps-Iphones can be found pretty cheap over on adverts too!!