a bully with depression

LegacyUser

What can be done, if anything, with a family member who has problems like depression or something else but doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour herself.

Background: I'm the youngest in the family at 23 with three older siblings, one of which is my sister who is 26 and has problems.

1). Controlling: she was very controlling for a long time, but not so much any now because I don't allow her to control me.

2). Simple, normal, daily activities and duties is considered bitching if you happen to be in her way. This would usually start a huffing and puffing session from her, or worse a raging tantrum demanding to know why I am bitching at her. When she is in a mood like this she believes it is me who is a moody bitch and sees nothing wrong with screaming and kicking and throwing things about the place.

3). An arguement, disagreement, conflict or something like I mentioned above would be blown out of proportion where she turns purple in the face and shouts all sorts.

4). She will go about ignoring you for weeks and giving the silent treatment after a conflict until the next time where she will shout blame towards me. She will also bring up the unresolved arguement from the last time and brings up other arguements from the past. Then eventually back to square one where she will continue ignoring me.

5). Revenge: She likes to get revenge and goes about making you 'pay' for 'being a bitch/bitching at her'. She always had this spiteful streak in her.

6). Often she would silently provoke you until you crack. Then its all your fault and she has a face on her as if to say 'what have i done wrong. I did nothing'. There was a few times when I gave in and actually lost it with her, in which I've been so sorry about because thats what she wanted and she will hold it against me.

7). Every few months she demands for apologies and respect by text or email for bitching at her. She would write about every arguement that we had within two years with dates and descriptions. She would write about where I went wrong and what I did wrong and no mention of where she has gone wrong/what she did. Calls you all sorts of names and curses and speaks badly about anything in your life to bring you down: her favourite is medical problem where I have no control over it. Calls you a handicap. (she is currently demanding for an apology because I was cooking when she needed the cooker. She started huffing and puffing when I was cooking one evening. I told her that there was plently of room for both of us but she wanted me gone, out of her way. I didn't leave and continued to cook. That happened last year and thats considered bitching).

8). She has no recollection of the times when I would have apologizied. And often she does not accept apologies.

9). She is extremely crafty in what she does and say in that she will not do anything when there is somebody else around.

10). She only treats me this way. If she is annoyed with anyone, especially someone above her or someone older (like and older sibling/mother/father) she'll ignore it and let it be and wouldn't confront them. Having said this, i do know I am not the only person she has treated this way. She has treated others in a similiar way but not as severve. She would usually just cut contact with someone if she is annoyed at them and usually for little or no apperent reason. She would have tortured exes pranking them (revenge).

11). When she goes telling the parents about the latest conflict she makes me out to be a bad guy.

I could go on all day. I am not in a position to move out. I try to spend as much time as possible out from the house as I can but there are times when I'm at home with her and she is in a mood. My parents don't want to do anything because they know she is dangerous and are afraid that if they do try and get her out from the house she will come back and hurt them. My dad did something bad a few years ago of cheating the dole system and he is afraid that she would tell all on him.

davyjose

Move out!

LegacyUser

hellathome wrote: »

4). She will go about ignoring you for weeks and giving the silent treatment after a conflict until the next time where she will shout blame towards me. She will also bring up the unresolved arguement from the last time and brings up other arguements from the past. Then eventually back to square one where she will continue ignoring me.


8). She has no recollection of the times when I would have apologizied. And often she does not accept apologies.

Unresoloved agruments of course. Can you please tell me when have you ever apologised. As i remember from a previous thread of yours, you said it would be a cold day in hell before you apologise.

You start every single agrument and twist it around on me bacause i get mad. You're paranoid. Get help with that.

You want some proper advice, tell the truth!

This is only a post looking for sympathies. Lock it

Agent J

Does your sister actually have a mental problem or is it your assumption?

When you say moving out isnt a possibilty. Id start trying to make it a possibillity. Your own sanity must be worth more then what ever it would take to move out.

Are you assuming your parents wouldnt kick her out for the reasons mentioned or have you asked them?

Its their house and they should not feel threathened by anyone. Revenue arent going to be that interested in a tattle tale from a pissed off relation.

3 general options you have here(In my opinion)

Attack - Lock horns with her until one of you breaks
Defend - Status quo/Talk to parents about getting her out
Evade - Make it possible to move out then do so.


Personally, i'd be getting out of dodge as quickly as possible. Once you are gone and your parents have to deal with her alone. Something will change.

Nevyn

You have started threads on this before, you need to move out or sort out your family issues in the real world rather then posting here about them, both of you.
You are both adults, time to start respecting each other like adults, we will not be enteraining any more of these threads.