Worried my relationship is slowly finishing

music lover 2

First of all have just joined the boards today having read all the great advice given.I hope I will be in a position to give advice but at the moment I need some

Dating a guy 3 months all has been going well live 2 hours apart so see each other about every 10 days. I have met his family and likewise he has met mine.

Issue : I went to london 2 weekends ago and called him when I came back he asked me me down fo the weekend and suggested i come down on thurs as I was working near wher he lives on fri. I agreed to so from sun until thurs i did not hear fom him i sent him a text on thurs to see if we still ok for me to come down he siad yes called me at lunch time all ok really looking forward to seeing me etc..........

Arrived down on thurs all great dinner cooked etc he always makes a big effort.I wanted to ask him why he didnt text/contact me about coming down but becasue of my fear of showing vunerability or coming across to needy I didn't.

Sat night we went out with all his friends and an accquaintance of his said to me "you know he will never settled down he is a batchelor and always will be"This kind of freaked me out........ when I said to him that she had said something n very strange to me he said he didnt want to hear or talk about it so again I left it. We had a lovely day on sunday he is very tactile with me and always complementing me

I sent him a text on monday night and got a very formal reply on tuesday I text back keeping it light and heard nothing back. We do usually talk on the phone I just felt a text was more appropriate

Now I do have had massive issues with trusting men and have been in therapy for a while so I am doing a lot of work on myself and trying really hard to be more open.

I now think he is trying to finish with me........

So what should I do now
-Does he need some space we did spend 3 days together and i am very happy to have space from him too as i do have a good busy life i am only freaked out because i like him and of my history

-Is it all my stuff my insecurites?
-At the 3 month mark what should be discussing the future what we want etc..... we have done none of this have just floated along

If there is future for this how do I open up and tell him what i need without scaring him off and protecting myself at the same time

All advice really appreciated

Thanks

Millie

I would think you are reading too much into this.

You spent a lovely long weekend with him and there was no indication that he didn't enjoy being with you.

With regard to the formal text messages, when I first met my man he was what I thought rather formal with the way he sent texts.
However one year on I now realise that that's just the way he writes texts and nothing whatsoever is meant by them.

In relation to you and him discussing the future....cool the jets!
At this point you should be having fun and not getting bogged down with the "future". Calm down and enjoy.

LegacyUser

Hi there, jes just reading your post there reminds me of myself and the way my mind used to work about two years ago. When you've been hurt, you do tend to build walls around yourself and become paranoid that every man has a hidden agenda. If things don't pan out exactly as you picture them in your head, you start to freak out, and the littlest of things your bf does can be misconstrued. You are at this stage your own worst enemy. Believe me i know that you're scared and primarily what you are scared of is rejection, it's a primal fear that we all have. What can happen is you can push someone away, and subconsciously this is because of that fear. The best policy for you is to be honest with yourself. What do you want out of this? Is it to be loved and accepted and enjoy a relationship or is it just a fastrack to marriage? It's ok to be honest and hiding your feelings will only serve to confuse and upset you more. If you feel you are not getting what you want from this relationship, then address that with your partner in a calm rational manner. Try to do the opposite of what your fear is telling you to, no matter how hard. However, if you're happy apart from speculating in your head what might happen, remember you can only control your life, your feelings, you can't make someone else want the same as you. Enjoy the moment, the time you get to spend together. Who knows if it will last, if it's meant to be, it will and if not, you'll have those happy memories and a learning experience. The right person won't pass you by . Best of luck and remember, keep calm and collected and stay true to yourself

music lover 2

Thanks for replies and advice . Yes a lot of its in my head and he has done nothing. As i said a lot of its my stuff I find it diificut to distinguish between being needy / clingy and asking for what I want.I suppose when you have been a in a couple of bad relatioships you can be hyper-sensitive and I am really trying to work on this .