Can't get over the fear.

LegacyUser

Hey, Ill try to be short cos I this is probably a bit silly. So last year I was with a girl for a few months who really messed me up. Looking back we were bad for eachother, both in weird places and ended up drinking too much together...anyway she tried to distance herself and I didn't accept it kept chasing etc. stupid looking back but 20:20 hindsight and all that.

Thing is I have recently started meeting a different girl, Now she is great and even though I made a concience effort not to get into anything serious(still a bit raw) it seems to be developing. Now we've only met 3 times since our first encounter (did know her before as an aquantance) but the 3 "dates" have been really good fun. Once to the cinema once out for drinks together and once out for drinks with friends, met up and left said friends. Both times we have been out for drinks has been friday nights and both times we have ended up spending the whole weekend together....and it has been great fun.

So here is the problem, I can't get over the anxiety that she will just stop replying answering etc like girl x last year. I was preety cut up about that but thought I had worked through it. Ireally don't want to feel like this as I think it is making it hard for me to relax about the situation which can't be a good thing. I mean this past weekend we had a great time and she even hung around my place all through sunday afternoon talking to my roomates and getting on great, all the signs were good, kisses, linking arms, little smiles across the room etc.etc.

Then she went home and I get this unease that I might have done / or not done something that is going to ruin things. Looking at it logically there is no basis for feeling like this but its niggling away at me.

So really just wanted to know has anyone ever had any experience of this kind of thing and any advice on how to overcome such irrational thoughts, especially at this early stage, I mean its not even official that we are with eachother, (haven't had "that" talk).

Thanks in advance for any advice.

LegacyUser

hey ya,

Doesnt sound silly at all! its anxiety you have clearly cos you dont want to get messed around again.

To be honest with you.. I am going through the same thing.. The guy i was with did the exact same thing to me and it rightly messed my head up.
Perhaps i say to myself the reason i feel this way is because he never gave me the closure i needed from our relationship which left me feeling like i wasnt worth it..

I was recently seeing someone and to be honest yesterday i contacted them and put an end to it as i felt i was fearing the worst constantly which for me meant i wasnt over what had happended to me and i need to feel comfortable in my own skin and confident before i can even contemplate seeing someone again - i dont know if that makes any sense.

My advise is... please try and go with the flow.. and dont think to much. Give it a try... if you like the girl then shes obviously worth giving her a chance... if you end up dissapointed well at least you know you have tried..
Make sure you are comfortable in your own skin though if you get me.. theres nothing worse then someone whos coming off unconfident because of past issues..

thats just my advise... prob no help at all

Unreg30 wrote: »

Hey, Ill try to be short cos I this is probably a bit silly. So last year I was with a girl for a few months who really messed me up. Looking back we were bad for eachother, both in weird places and ended up drinking too much together...anyway she tried to distance herself and I didn't accept it kept chasing etc. stupid looking back but 20:20 hindsight and all that.

Thing is I have recently started meeting a different girl, Now she is great and even though I made a concience effort not to get into anything serious(still a bit raw) it seems to be developing. Now we've only met 3 times since our first encounter (did know her before as an aquantance) but the 3 "dates" have been really good fun. Once to the cinema once out for drinks together and once out for drinks with friends, met up and left said friends. Both times we have been out for drinks has been friday nights and both times we have ended up spending the whole weekend together....and it has been great fun.

So here is the problem, I can't get over the anxiety that she will just stop replying answering etc like girl x last year. I was preety cut up about that but thought I had worked through it. Ireally don't want to feel like this as I think it is making it hard for me to relax about the situation which can't be a good thing. I mean this past weekend we had a great time and she even hung around my place all through sunday afternoon talking to my roomates and getting on great, all the signs were good, kisses, linking arms, little smiles across the room etc.etc.

Then she went home and I get this unease that I might have done / or not done something that is going to ruin things. Looking at it logically there is no basis for feeling like this but its niggling away at me.

So really just wanted to know has anyone ever had any experience of this kind of thing and any advice on how to overcome such irrational thoughts, especially at this early stage, I mean its not even official that we are with eachother, (haven't had "that" talk).

Thanks in advance for any advice.

LegacyUser

Thanks, good to know I'm not alone in having these feelings. I mean things have been going perfectly...I haven't come on too strong for reasons already mentioned and have waited for her to make an effort after I had mede the initial, just to see whether she was that interested, and she did, infact she is probably making more of one then i at this stage.

So looking at things logically there should be no probs at all. But for some reason all day today I have had this feeling that something aint right. There is no reason for this, Ieven got a very sweet text this morning. I dont know, I suppose maybe its a sub concious defence incase it doesn't go anywhere maybe Im preparing myself.....

Ahhh the Joys!

Spark Boy

Unreg, i too have suffered from this problem, one "relationship" not ending good and bringing it into the next. I think everyone is different but my advice after going through it is take things slow at the start dont build up too many thoughts but enjoy yer moments together. I think a problem for u could also be a " power struggle" after having so much interest for yer past partner u felt rejected and open and vulnerable, hence now yer nearly trying to make sure u dont show much interest, i too suffer from this. its a hard struggle to just be yerself and not take tx for tx or phone call for phone call literally.if the person is for you and your for them then being yerself is exactly what you should do.best a luck mate..