A question about myself.

LegacyUser

Hi, gonna go unreg for this one. I have a bit of an issue I hope can be resolved. I'm a 30 year old guy, single, good job, prospects, lots of friends, etc. I have a good personality, which I've worked on and become the best person I can be right now, although I always strive to be better. But I am pretty happy with who I am, for the most part.

However, I do have an issue with my looks. Not a major issue, but I do think I'm not all that attractive to women, physically. I'm not going to win any beauty pagaents, but at the same time, I'm no John Merrick! I was talking to an ex-girlfriend of mine who I'm good friends with, about being single, and having a bit of a whinge about it, to be honest. She listed all the great and wonderful things about me, which was very flattering. However, she did say that maybe I might be sabotaging myself when it comes to approaching the opposite sex. She (qualified psychologist, by the way) said that I've had issues with self-worth in the past, and while I've worked on those and conquered most of them, there may be residual effects that play against me when I approach women. And frankly, that made me sit up and take notice. I never thought that maybe I might be my own worst enemy!

Now, I know I have a lot to offer, but it is true that sometimes I'm negative about my looks and base all things around looks. I catch myself going 'she'd never be interested in someone like me' when chatting to my friends about girls, which is a knee-jerk reaction, and one I know is erroneous and something I need to cut out. It is very unfair not only on myself, but also on women. I presume they're only interested in looks.

What I'm wondering is, does anybody know of a course I could take to improve my self-image and eliminate the issues I have that may be sabotaging my efforts. I want to get rid of this almost subconscious negging on myself and be the best person I can be, in every way. Any help would be greatly appreciated! And thanks for reading this somewhat rambling post!

rustynutz

I found Paul McKenna's book (and CD) on building confidence very helpful once you get past all the cheesy phrases.

Peggypeg

hey OP,

First of all I want to say "well done", you've obviously done alot of work on yourself and strive to be the best possible person. That is enormously attractive to women. I would agree though that a lack of confidence is a major turn off. I would try some self help books on improving your confidence if I were you. Remember that looks really are not that important to women, well I think that anyway. I think looks might initially attract a girl but if there's nothing of substance beyond that she will lose interest rapidly. So yeah my advice would be to read some self help books and remember that being a good person is WAY more important than being pretty.

LegacyUser

Thank you, PeggyPeg for the words. One of the most rewarding things is when a person who I didn't get on with said to me that in the 2 years we hadn't seen each other, he saw a massive change in my attitude and demeanor and that I was now a pleasant person to get on with. We're now close friends. I will have a look into some books on self-help and see about building the old confidence up. I'm pretty happy with who I am, I just need to get over that last hurdle, so to speak.

RustyNutz (heh heh!), the Paul McKenna books, are they good? I know him as a TV hypnotist, but not much beyond that. Anybody else have any additional suggestions for books?

_Faithless_

It's easy to build confidence.

I have never found any difficulty whatsoever because I am indeed, THE Man.

The Recliner

_Faithless_ wrote: »

It's easy to build confidence.

I have never found any difficulty whatsoever because I am indeed, THE Man.

You are now The Man who has been banned from PI

Take the time to read the charter before you come back