Gentlemen and ladies.. approaching the opposite sex when sober!?

Tchaikovsky

I'm sure this has been debated before but anyway..
Just curious as to how many people have approached (or been approached by) someone they find is easy on the eye without the crutch of alcohol?

You see it in films, couple meet while browsing the jazz section or sitting across from one another on the train, enquiring about the book one of them is reading.. it seems to rarely happen in Ireland and I feel it's about time things changed! There needs to be less of a reliance on alcohol to socialise, but I suppose that's a whole different debate.

Yesterday I was sitting across from a (very pretty foreign) girl in a coffee shop- I of course was too shy to say anything but miraculously, she initiated conversation with me! I guess it's always to leap that's the hardest part.
That's the great thing about multiculturalism I guess

metrovelvet

Once upon a time when I was at work, I was delivered an envelope with a copy of "the last tango in paris" along with his name and number.

Or you could be less of a weirdo and just introduce yourself.

humberklog

metrovelvet wrote: »

Once upon a time when I was at work, I was delivered an envelope with a copy of "the last tango in paris" along with his name and number.

No tub of Utterly Butterly? Well that's just cheap.


Chatting up sober is great. Then go off and get get drunk together:pac:.

I always find chatting up in pubs such a schlep.

krudler

I find it easier tbh, in my mind if i approach a girl in a pub (havent done it in years as am in a LTR, but still) I'll just come across as a drunken letch, if i talk to someone outside the pub setting I'm much more relaxed and find it easier

Wolflikeme

krudler wrote: »

I find it easier tbh, in my mind if i approach a girl in a pub (havent done it in years as am in a LTR, but still) I'll just come across as a drunken letch, if i talk to someone outside the pub setting I'm much more relaxed and find it easier

Same here. I just come across as awkward most of the time when I'm drunk. Much easier when sober for me!

Will

Can be easier, depends on the situation I think. In a club women are well aware there are lads on the prowl so usually are a lot more protective against advances, even friendly chatting. Was once told by a woman at the bar to "fúck right off" for saying to her "mad busy night in here isn't it". Same wording I'm assuming would have went down a lot different if it was say a queue in tescos or something, or maybe she was just having a bad day. Who knows

I've never gone up to a woman in the street who i don't know and tried chattin to her, let alone try get her number to meet her again. Very difficult in my mind.

CDfm

I have done it and it helps if you compliment a person on something like clothes or whatever as an opener.

Lots of people are shy with strangers but people appreciate it when others make an effort in a low key way.

Otis Driftwood

Have done it before and am actually more likely to try it sober.When Im jarred I will talk for Ireland but when Im sober Im more selective with my words.Just cos I appear to get on with a girl when rubbered doesnt mean squat.
I even asked a girl out that I got chatting to on a train to Dublin one Sunday,plus she said yes.It didnt lead to anything but she said afterwards that she admired my moxy for doing it.

Gyalist

I don't drink so don't know of any other way of approaching the opposite sex but sober. To me it's the most natural thing to do.

jenga-jen

+1 on the girls being very protective while out at night.

When we head out we'd be wary of lads coming over because for every nice one of ye out there, there's also the complete tool who comes up and acts like an asshole.

Also have to say that if some lad came up to me and complimented me in the street, I'd be holding my handbag, phone etc extra tight (but then I'm not a fan of the compliments)

I'd have massive respect for anyone who's willing to make an approach sober if he/she likes them. It's just finding the fine line between polite interest and scary that takes a little time!

pennylane22

The cineworld queue is a goldmine, got two numbers from cute looking men in there. It didn't go anywhere beyond a couple of pints after the film and a quick fumble but it was a diversion.

krudler

i met a girl at the cinema once too, was a quiet daytime showing (i cant stand going when its busy, afternoon matinees are a godsend) and i was there a bit early as the time was wrong on the website, was standing outside the screen waiting for the previous showing to end and there was a really cute girl waiting as well, i saw she was looking at a dvd she had probably just bought and i commented on it, got talking, she asked if she could sit with me for the movie, went for a coffee afterwards, saw her a few more times but she moved away not long after, that was a fun day though

LegacyUser

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

You see it in films, couple meet while browsing the jazz section or sitting across from one another on the train, enquiring about the book one of them is reading.. it seems to rarely happen in Ireland and I feel it's about time things changed!

Do not, I repeat, do not take any notice of what happens in movies. Movies usually have to have a happy ending, and if they showed someone chatting to a man/woman after man/woman and not getting anywhere, most moviegoers would switch off pretty quick.

I've also noticed in the movies that the lead's love interest is sound, down to earth, quirky in a cute way (never in a 'what the hell....?' way), single despite being such a lovable person, and doesn't have any mental baggage from previous relationships!

The movie world sucked me in too, and it let me down : (

Now that I got that rant off my chest, it doesn't seem to be the norm in Ireland to chat someone up outside the pub. And because it's not the norm, people are more likely to be on their guard if some randomner comes up to them and starts chatting away. You'd nearly have to be wearing a sign that says 'I'M NOT DANGEROUS' if you're going to approach someone you don't know. Of course, us Irish will still have something to complain about ie would you look at the nutjob with the sign? etc etc

Fago!

I've no problem doing it when I've had a few. but I flirt. I never just ask her out or for her number.

Ladies, what would you think if a guy just came up and said: I like you. Will you go out with me sometime? Would you like to go out on a date with me?

Drunk or sober?

Snowie

Fago_25 wrote: »

Ladies, what would you think if a guy just came up and said: I like you. Will you go out with me sometime? Would you like to go out on a date with me?

I'd never even say the word "like" to a girl who i just meet, i'd say i wanna get to know you, fancy a coffee?

reasons why
saying to much is crazy you wanna show your interested in them coffees are allways more informal then a date so its a coffee after the 30 minsiutes of chat you either get on or you dont... Its easy save wordds such as "like" and "date" for whenyour courting so ter speek me thinks....

Kirnsy

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I'd never even say the word "like" to a girl who i just meet, i'd say i wanna get to know you, fancy a coffee?

reasons why
saying to much is crazy you wanna show your interested in them coffees are allways more informal then a date so its a coffee after the 30 minsiutes of chat you either get on or you dont if you have enough charisma to pull of getting a cheaky kiss.....

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I'd never even say the word "like" to a girl who i just meet, i'd say i wanna get to know you, fancy a coffee?

reasons why
saying to much is crazy you wanna show your interested in them coffees are allways more informal then a date so its a coffee after the 30 minsiutes of chat you either get on or you dont... Its easy save wordds such as "like" and "date" for whenyour courting so ter speek me thinks....

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I'd never even say the word "like" to a girl who i just meet, i'd say i wanna get to know you, fancy a coffee?

reasons why
saying to much is crazy you wanna show your interested in them coffees are allways more informal then a date so its a coffee after the 30 minsiutes of chat you either get on or you dont... Its easy save wordds such as "like" and "date" for whenyour courting so ter speek me thinks....

i think you've got the point across there

Snowie

good dma eco my computer iddnt show up my other posts and i kept pressing and pressing and pressing untill i saw a post but its ok now fixed

I don't drink so I'm always sober. Attempted to chat up a gorgeous girl that I saw every now and then in a particular club. For the first time ever I was completely ignored, as in she looked at me while I was talking but ignored me. Advantage of being sober was that I wished her a good weekend and fecked off, I imagine if I was after a few I would have told her she was a rude cnut. Still fancy her like mad to be honest , and still see her every so often. I reckon I will try again some day but it really knocked the ****e out of me.

In fairness to her a few weeks previous to me approaching her she sat on a stool next to where I was standing in the same club, I had a turn to cement moment when I couldn't move or talk so she may have been a bit f him sort of way after that.

Feeky Magee

So-ber...?

insignia

Hi, im just after a bit of advice stupid as this may sound!
Last week i was in a shop ordering printing parts and found instant adoration for the girl working there, i didnt have time to say a whole lot but was very polite, im due to colect the order in the next few days, im just wondering how do i go about getting her number? in a shop there may be others around and no dutch courage in sight, what exctly can i say to her without looking like a total tool, i know it sounds like desperation but it has been playing on my mind ever since i saw her.
Thanks

sorrywhat

As a girl Id prefer the sober approach from a guy. Ok if he had 1 or 2 pints I wouldnt mind, but in a club and if he was drunk I wouldnt be interested.

Id have the same policy myself. Drunk = making a tit out of yourself.

CDfm

insignia wrote: »

Hi, im just after a bit of advice stupid as this may sound!
Last week i was in a shop ordering printing parts and found instant adoration for the girl working there...............i know it sounds like desperation but it has been playing on my mind ever since i saw her.
Thanks

You may be in love with her work persona =maybe you should ask her would she like to go to lunch.

People gottas eat so if you asked her what time she goes to lunch etc you may get your chance.

Have a glance at the ring finger first

Novella

Fago_25 wrote: »

I've no problem doing it when I've had a few. but I flirt. I never just ask her out or for her number.

Ladies, what would you think if a guy just came up and said: I like you. Will you go out with me sometime? Would you like to go out on a date with me?

Drunk or sober?

I wouldn't advise walking up to a complete a stranger and opening a conversation with, "I like you, wanna go out?".For a start, you don't know that you like them, you just know that you think they're attractive.
What you could say really all depends on where you meet a person. Personally, I wouldn't be too keen on drunken flirtiness. I'm all for having a chat, talking about the usuals, music, art, whatever but I'm just not into progressing to anything further when drunk. I'm probably a bit of a sap though, I like all that kinda thing to be special (sober!).

I think the best bet is just a general, "Hey, how are you?" / "Jeez, been in this queue for aaaages" etc. if you're standing beside a person you think you might like. Nothing too heavy and I'd always be open to having a nice wee chinwag with someone who didn't just sleaze.

Fago!

Novella wrote: »

I wouldn't advise walking up to a complete a stranger and opening a conversation with, "I like you, wanna go out?".For a start, you don't know that you like them, you just know that you think they're attractive.
What you could say really all depends on where you meet a person. Personally, I wouldn't be too keen on drunken flirtiness. I'm all for having a chat, talking about the usuals, music, art, whatever but I'm just not into progressing to anything further when drunk. I'm probably a bit of a sap though, I like all that kinda thing to be special (sober!).

I think the best bet is just a general, "Hey, how are you?" / "Jeez, been in this queue for aaaages" etc. if you're standing beside a person you think you might like. Nothing too heavy and I'd always be open to having a nice wee chinwag with someone who didn't just sleaze.

Right.

1. Queue
2. "How are you"
3. chinwag...

Then what? ANSWERS DAMMIT!

Oh and I'd never just ask someone out.

I was asking what people'd do

nonsmoker

When I am out for a night if I am approached by a man who is totally plastered drunk I walk away as in my experience I find drunk men sleazy or they just insult you or grope you, unfortunatly lots of ppl need a 'few' drinks for courage to approach someone but tend to end up legless, thus defeating the purpose IMO. Vicious circle and all that!

I have approached men on nights out. Tried to do it early on in night so that there is less chance of him or me being drunk.
On two different occasions
1) While waiting to get served at the bar there was a cute man standing beside me, I said something about the queue - he just walked off!
2) In smoking area, I said something about the weather - he just looked at me and walked off!!!
This has kinda put me off approaching anyone because it is not nice when you make the effort and someone looks at you like you have 3 heads and walks off.
But because I know how hateful it is, if someone who doesnt seem drunk on a night out or someone in a shop etc talks to me I do treat them with a bit of respect and have a natter with them, even if its only general chitchat as it takes a lot of courage to strike up a conversation with someone.

Bellemz

lopppy wrote: »

I just get pisshd, find a decent girl on the dancefloor around half one, shift the face of her, get shots, music ends, taxi? Then hopefully have terrible sex

Wow...ever wanted something more? That's gotta get old pretty quick!

Star Lord

nonsmoker wrote: »

I have approached men on nights out. Tried to do it early on in night so that there is less chance of him or me being drunk.
On two different occasions
1) While waiting to get served at the bar there was a cute man standing beside me, I said something about the queue - he just walked off!
2) In smoking area, I said something about the weather - he just looked at me and walked off!!!
This has kinda put me off approaching anyone because it is not nice when you make the effort and someone looks at you like you have 3 heads and walks off.

In fairness, if they did that, then you're better off, as that shows a complete lack of decency.

Another non-drinker here, sure its harder to approach someone sober, but making the effort is definitely worth it, and don't let rejection put you off!

I find that one particular pair of jeans I have, when I wear them women always pinch my bum. So I'm going to wear them more often and let the ass pinchers so the approaching Beats being ignored by ladies, I mentioned earlier in the thread a lady I approached ignored me some months back.

Pyr0

There's been many times stone cold sober when I've seen someone I really liked the look of, standing at a bus stop, in a que or just out somewhere in general. Never did get the courage to go up and just say hello, I suppose in fear of getting some sort of bad reaction "Eh..Who are you ?!" or just a blank stare, ya know yerself.

I don't like talking to people (random girls) when I'm drunk or tipsy, as I have a bit of a stutter naturally but it just comes out worse or I sound like i'm slurring my words when i'm drinking and I end up feeling like i'm disrespectful towards the girl, or after one thing etc When most of the time I want to get to know the girl and have a nice chat

Jeez, I'm hopeless ! Haha

Nervous Wreck

Incidental conversation is the key. Nobody feels intimidated by it and generally, no one minds a slight banter. Then, you just escalate. For example. At a bus stop:

You (starting incidental conversation) : "Hey, have you been waiting long?"

Girl (responding with the same politeness anyone would) :"No, but I think there's a bus due soon..."

You (still harmless banter) : "Jeez, I hope so, it's freezin!"

Her (still being polite) : "Hah, yeah..."

You (escalating into actual conversation) : "Ya just comin home from work/college/whereever?"


And the rest fills itself in. I've had tonnes of these types of convos. The important thing to note about them is that you can have them with ANYONE. Old women, young men, foreign dude, schoolkid, dentist-lookin chap. Whatever. I think a lot of people close themselves off to this kind of interaction. They do the polite thing and then hope the other person will leave them alone. Conversing with anyone (and hopefully everyone) you get the chance to will improve both your conversational skills and your confidence when it comes to any inter-personal interaction. Talk to everyone and you'll get good at talking. Eventually, chatting to someone at a bus stop or in a cafe won't be a big deal. Cos you won't be looking for anything more than a bita banter. Hmm...

Fago!

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Incidental conversation is the key. Nobody feels intimidated by it and generally, no one minds a slight banter. Then, you just escalate. For example. At a bus stop:

You (starting incidental conversation) : "Hey, have you been waiting long?"

Girl (responding with the same politeness anyone would) :"No, but I think there's a bus due soon..."

You (still harmless banter) : "Jeez, I hope so, it's freezin!"

Her (still being polite) : "Hah, yeah..."

You (escalating into actual conversation) : "Ya just comin home from work/college/whereever?"


And the rest fills itself in. I've had tonnes of these types of convos. The important thing to note about them is that you can have them with ANYONE. Old women, young men, foreign dude, schoolkid, dentist-lookin chap. Whatever. I think a lot of people close themselves off to this kind of interaction. They do the polite thing and then hope the other person will leave them alone. Conversing with anyone (and hopefully everyone) you get the chance to will improve both your conversational skills and your confidence when it comes to any inter-personal interaction. Talk to everyone and you'll get good at talking. Eventually, chatting to someone at a bus stop or in a cafe won't be a big deal. Cos you won't be looking for anything more than a bita banter. Hmm...

I've seen that sentence go horribly wrong for alot of guys in that situation.

He'd say:

You (escalating into actual conversation) : "Ya just comin home from work/college/whereever?"

Her: Please, can I have a bit of peace!!!

or

Her: Mind your own business!!

or

Her: Yeah.... *skuffles away*.... *He skuffles towards her*.... *Frightened, she leaves*

Nervous Wreck

Fago_25 wrote: »

I've seen that sentence go horribly wrong for alot of guys in that situation.

He'd say:

You (escalating into actual conversation) : "Ya just comin home from work/college/whereever?"

Her: Please, can I have a bit of peace!!!

or

Her: Mind your own business!!

or

Her: Yeah.... *skuffles away*.... *He skuffles towards her*.... *Frightened, she leaves*

The first two aren't anything gone wrong, in fairness; the girl simply declined his invitation to a conversation. Nothing wrong with that. The third scenario wouldn't have gone wrong had the guy not 'skuffled towards her' and, hence, he is the one at fault.

My point is, conversation is just conversation. Nine times out of ten, it goes nowhere. The odds are worse if you expect it to. So just chat to people. Eventually, something will click with someone and there you have it. But there shouldn't be anything intimidating about conversing with a member of the same or opposite sex.

shellyboo

Yeah I *hate* it when randomers talk to me at bus stops. It's like, I am wearing headphones - can you not see the headphones? See how I'm putting them back in after answering your questions? Yeah, take the hint.

However, if it was a man I fancied I'd totally be open to that sort of approach. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

EL_Loco

shellyboo wrote: »

Yeah I *hate* it when randomers talk to me at bus stops. It's like, I am wearing headphones - can you not see the headphones? See how I'm putting them back in after answering your questions? Yeah, take the hint.

However, if it was a man I fancied I'd totally be open to that sort of approach. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

maybe that's the guy's approach even with your headphones in

I'm always sober which is actually an advantage if you're trying to talk to someone in the pub settings. You're not leering (much) , you actually manage to look them in the eye, and form complete sentences.

Suppose I'm guilty of not really trying outside of "traditional" circumstances.

shellyboo

EL_Loco wrote: »

maybe that's the guy's approach even with your headphones in

It is... but when I'm clearly trying to listen to music, or read my book - basically not giving them my full attention - people should get the hint.

EL_Loco

shellyboo wrote: »

It is... but when I'm clearly trying to listen to music, or read my book - basically not giving them my full attention - people should get the hint.

If we can't pick up on hints that we're liked we're even less inclined to pickup on the ones that are trying to tell us we're not. And reading the Kama Sutra in public is a bit of an invitation

on behalf of manfolk, I apologise for your bus stop woes.

Jesus Wept

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

dentist-lookin chap.

I lol'ed.

shellyboo

EL_Loco wrote: »

If we can't pick up on hints that we're liked we're even less inclined to pickup on the ones that are trying to tell us we're not. And reading the Kama Sutra in public is a bit of an invitation

on behalf of manfolk, I apologise for your bus stop woes.

Oh it's not just manfolk, it's old people and crazy people too. I'm just really anti-social in public, it seems!

And I'll read my Kama Sutra wherever I like thanks :P

Tchaikovsky

Yeah, the crazy / chancer / down and out folk have put my guard up with regards to conversing with strangers in a city.
I mean, you can't even have dinner now without being hassled for "change"!

force majeure

As a former alki I can tell you a bit about totally naff attempts at chatting up girls under the influence... and not once do I recall them working although a few times some one got a right laugh off off me. :rolleyes:
On the plus side I can now say safely anywhere but the pub-club is best... although I still need to find my bearings so I do.