second chance.....

cheesey1

So broke up with my BF a while ago and we’ve been in contact – he moved to Dublin a few days after we broke up for a new job – there was no major reason for our break-up we didn’t argue, we enjoyed being in each other’s company and we sex was amazing. We have had so great chats on the phone recently. So he was home at the weekend, now he doesn’t go out every weekend and I don’t either but before we started to go out he would sometimes leave around midnight when he could get a lift home so when I saw him in the pub just assumed he would do that – anyway we were leaving about 1am to go to another bar and when we got outside the door he was out there walking down with some friends and fell back into step with me and started chatting – at the end of it all he ended up coming home with me and we had amazing sex and he stayed till about 2 yesterday – now I have no idea what to do know, I still love him and it was all so comfortable and of course we didn’t bring up before – I texted him just to say I hope everything was OK (ish) and he was like ya everythings OK but that’s still not giving me any answers, would I be foolish to call him and have a chat about it….

Shivers26

My gut instint would be telling me that you've landed in 'friends with benefits' territory. I dont know how you feel about that.

How long was the relationship? Who broke up with who?
Its a hard situation to read but if things are as amicable as they seem then by all means give him a call and have a chat about it. Just be prepared for the fact that you may not get what you want from the call.

metrovelvet

Ok i'll be blunt. This might hurt. My son loves dogs. He recently asked me to take him to the dog shop. My answer, not wanting the responsibility of dog, was "why would you want a dog, when you have the use of a dog next door."

Now if he had no use if his friend's dog, i'd strongly consider the commitment of ownership.

Peggypeg

metrovelvet wrote: »

Ok i'll be blunt. This might hurt. My son loves dogs. He recently asked me to take him to the dog shop. My answer, not wanting the responsibility of dog, was "why would you want a dog, when you have the use of a dog next door."

Now if he had no use if his friend's dog, i'd strongly consider the commitment of ownership.

Wow, comparing women to dogs, lovely.

metrovelvet

I compare men to dogs too.

cheesey1

what can I say being compared to a dog - wow

So I called him last night and we had a chat for almost an hour but nothing was said about the weekend, maybe I'm afraid of what I will hear but he's not a phone person so for him to stay on that long was strange. Still have no idea where i stand, sent him an e-mail (I know coward's way) letting him know how I feel and that how I felt at the weekend when it just felt like old times on Sunday morning when we cuddle and chatted.

so not going to contact him again, guess he knows where I am.

metrovelvet

It's pretty obvious. He wants the fun without the obligations. Why by the cow and all that.

Single1

Hi,

I've been through a very similar situation recently too. There are a few differences between mine and yours, but I think you should play it cool and let him come to you. If you want him back running after him is not the way to do it. It would be better to just leave it be for a while. He'll get curious as to why you are not in contact and perhaps will know that you are not there for him whenever he wants you. I do not believe in playing games with people and I do not think this is playing games. You are giving both of you time to think it through. If he misses you he WILL be back and if not then at least you will have saved face and started to move on. At least it will be one of 2 results.

In my opinion friends with benefits is a bad idea so I would not go down that road. Often I think that after a relationship neither of you would consider it that way. Unless he is pure heartless if he ever cared he wouldn't have slept with you unless he still had some small feelings. Don't scare those feelings away by coming on too strong.

I hope this helps. either way you will be grand lady

keep smiling!

Gyalist

Single1 wrote: »

Unless he is pure heartless if he ever cared he wouldn't have slept with you unless he still had some small feelings. Don't scare those feelings away by coming on too strong.

Huh??

Look, men are entirely capable of separating sex from feelings. Sleeping with you does not necessarily mean that he has any intention of restarting the relationship.

cheesey1

Thanks Single1, know what your saying is right.

Single1

ok good point they generally can separate the two, but I think thats a very general overview of men and not all are the same (most are I grant you that). I'm not going to say he was using her or he wasn't as I do not know him and i think it would be unfair to tar him with that brush.
Sleeping with him is a bad idea it does damage your chances of getting back together so for your own sake and sanity I would suggest stopping!!!

I am a true believer in second chances and I know it is possible to get someone back. The best thing you can do is let him come back of his own accord.

Keep me posted on how it goes please. Good luck!!!

cheesey1

so decided last night to just call it quits, I can deal with not know whats going on its not good for my mental health and he can't have his cake and eat it too - so threw his toothbrush in the bin and asked him to post back my key or drop it throught the letterbox, its not so much that I want the key but I gave it to him as a token and its obvious he no longer wants it and as long as he has it it will make me feel he may come back when I know deep down he won't - cried myself to sleep but at the end of day I know its his loss etc.etc.

Single1

Well done! You did the right thing. If you want to get back with him its the right thing to do, if you want to get over him its the right thing to do. Either way its really the only way to go. Start going out and meeting other people. Go out with your friends and have fun. When you too met thats most likely the way you were and thats what attracted him to you. You may not get him but you will find someone to put a smile back on your face. No contact is hard but its the best option.

I did no contact with an ex of mine. I was full sure I would never get over him and eventually after loads (I mean LOADS) of mistakes I just stopped contact completely. I was back to myself in no time.

I hope everything goes well for you

Gyalist

cheesey1 wrote: »

so decided last night to just call it quits, I can deal with not know whats going on its not good for my mental health and he can't have his cake and eat it too - so threw his toothbrush in the bin and asked him to post back my key or drop it throught the letterbox, its not so much that I want the key but I gave it to him as a token and its obvious he no longer wants it and as long as he has it it will make me feel he may come back when I know deep down he won't - cried myself to sleep but at the end of day I know its his loss etc.etc.

Well done. These decisions are hard to make and it's not unusual to have doubts that you have done the right thing. Your main responsibility is to yourself, kudos for doing what was best for you.

cheesey1

thanks, I am going to try my hardest not to contact him, will be hard as we have been in contact almost every day but for my own sanity I have to not contact him.

cheesey1

don't mean to harp on but last night was hard it was the first time we haven't spoken or texted and it was hard not to text him good night but stood my ground and didn't!!! thanks for all the advice.

Single1

Thats great. Focus on you now. Find things to distract you from him. It will get way easier!!! You really are doing the right thing. It's his loss lady!!!!