Cheated on gf

LegacyUser

Was out last night and cheated on my girlfriend, can barely remember coz I got so drunk. Rarely get drunk but has been a tough couple of weeks so went mad.
I only kissed the girl but I barely remember it...don't know why I did it. I don't know what to do, I feel like ****, I suffer from depression already, know it was completely wrong to do but is it better off just forgetting it and moving on?
I genuinely do love my girlfriend, we have a huge future together...marriage, kids, the whole lot has been discussed
Advice?

Peggypeg

Wow, that's crap. My advice: Tell her. And do it now, don't wait ages, she will only be angrier that you waited. Tell her what happened, that you don't remember it, don't know why it happened and that you are very very very (X1000) sorry. If you have such a good future planned then I doubt she will throw that away over a drunken kiss. Either way you have to tell her, it's the right thing to do. If you don't tell her and she finds out then it would be way worse than a little drunken kiss, there'll be the lies to deal with too.

cafecolour

I'd say the opposite - telling your wife in this situation would be more to make you feel better and try alleviate your guilt. Not really for her benefit.

Keep it to yourself. Don't do it again. Don't drink as much.

krudler

Tell her, then be prepared for is she dumps you, which she's more than entitled and in her right to do ,drunken kiss or not, that "oh i was drunk" excuse is bull**** tbh, everyone knows what they're doing when they're drunk, its just makes it easier to do things you wouldnt normally do. Not telling her is just letting yourself get away with it, whether it was just a snog or not, you broke the trust between you, how would you feel if it was her that kissed another guy?would you be able to trust her again every time she went out with friends and you werent there?

Kicks

Personally I'd want to know if it was other way around. If you have this future together then she deserves to know exactly who the person she is having this future with is - she needs to be allowed to make the choice to stay with someone who will do something like this, if you've got such a great future ahead why are you out jeopardising it like this? I too am pursuing this future with my girlfriend and I'd never even consider kissing another girl.

I think there has to be more to this too - was it one kiss? Were you coming on to her all night? Spend the night wither her dancing? Is she a friend or friend of a friend? Did all your mates see you with this girl? Is it going to get back to her anyway?

I'm with krudler, drunkeness is no excuse to me. I know this happens an awful lot and so many people believe it's better to put behind you as a stupid mistake but I'm completely against that - I think she has the right to know, especially if you truly respect her and want her to be your future wife and mother of your kids.

Though I'd tell her closer to the weekend so her work week isn't fecked up because of you.

Wagon

Tell her. She's been cheated on, so its entirely up to her whether she sees a future in this.

extra-ordinary_

I wouldn't tell her. If this is totally out of character, and you can honestly tell yourself you won't let it happen again, and you are are genuinely full of remorse, then telling her only serves introducing mistrust into a relationship that is sound except for a one-time drunken lapse.

Although if you can truly convey your remorse to your partner, and go completely over the top in making it up to her, and really show her how contrite you are, then maybe it would be better that you tell her and not introduce this dishonesty into the relationship.

The main thing being that you can persuade her fully that it will never happen again and how absolutely sickened you are.

Peggypeg

cafecolour wrote: »

I'd say the opposite - telling your wife in this situation would be more to make you feel better and try alleviate your guilt. Not really for her benefit.

Keep it to yourself. Don't do it again. Don't drink as much.

Read his post.

He's not married, he's thinking of marrying his girlfriend but they're not yet.

If I were the girlfriend I would definately dump him if I found out he'd done that and NOT told me. If he came to me straight away and told me about it and how sorry he was I'd give him another chance.

Look OP it's up to you, you're either a liar and a cheat or just a cheat, it's lying that ruins a relationship the quickest. You've just cheated on your girlfriend and violated her trust, the least you can do is come clean and take a good screaming at.

Chocoholic84

Well the HONEST thing to do is tell her. But then there's a chance she'll up and leave you, and I presume you don't want that. I know if it was me I'd want to be told...and then make a decision. Actually the fact that my OH told me would make me respect him more rather than hearing it second-hand...because these things always find a way out...

By the way, you mention you suffer from depression...sorry, but what's that got to do with anything? If you're looking for sympathy, you won't get it here! You cheated on your g/f. That's scummy of the higest order.

theg81der

I actually wouldn`t tell her. It will allieviate your guilt but there is nothing good that can come of it from her persective.

Just remember yourself and spend the rest of your life making up for it and appreciating what you`ve got!

That_Guy

Tell her. She deserves to know. You can base your defence on the amount of drink you've had but that excuse imo is complete BS. If you were drunk, kissed this girl and remembered it then you knew exactly what you were doing.

Tell her. Go in expecting the worst and be honest with her.

petethebrick

Some bad advice so far on this thread.....
Yes you should tell her. Secrets in a relationship will eventually ruin it.
If you're honest and remorseful your girlfriend will understand that it was a drunken mistake. She won't leave you I'm sure. Replies above saying expect the worst and don't be surprised if she leaves you etc are full of ****. These posters have obviously not been in real relationships because real relationships don't end because of minor glitches like this.

Don't get so drunk that you ever do something stupid like that again. Are you sure your heart is fully in the relationship as many people go out and get hammered all the time and don't cheat so just something to think about.........

LegacyUser

DONT SAY A WORD. I can't believe the advise being given out here. ok O.P look at it this way. if you tell her she will never and i mean NEVER trust you again. if she stays with you which is doubtful she will throw it at you constantly. if she is out with her friends it will be in the back of your mind that she may possibly leave her guard down with some lad because of what you have done. your relationship will no survive it. ok you feel guilty and rightly so but deal with the guilt if you want to make your relationship work. it was ONE mistake a stupid silly mistake dont let it happen again and you'll be fine. i personally wouldnt say a word.

however i do think you should ask yourself this. do you really want to be with this girl?? i had the same experience years ago. was in a long term relationship went out got pissed kissed someone else. the following day i nearly had a heart attack with the guilt. rang my mate who i was out with begged him to say nothing. i actually convinced myself i was going to marry my girlfriend and tried to convince him that too. he stayed quiet and we put it down to the beer. i struggled with it for a while but never said a word. however when the dust settled i realised that i had cheated for a reason... strange but true and i had convinced myself and others i was happy in a relationship when in fact i wasn't. i would have described it now looking back as i was more comfortable in the relationship. i think i loved my gf but wasn't in love with her. i liked the idea of having someone and didn't like the idea of her being with anyone else. anyway eventually i grew a set and decided that the relationship was not going anywhere and i finished it. i'll admit the first 7 months after the break up were the hardest but honestly their was a reason i cheated that night and deep down the reason was i was not in love with my girlfriend. Now thats only my story.

p.s i still think she DOES NOT need to know

consultech

Don't tell her. Your cross to bear and all that. Telling her only stands to alleviate some of your guilt, and it's not about you. If you're truly sorry, and are convinced you'll never do it again, and you do love her in the monogamous fashion you suggest; then carrying it around is punishment enough. Learn from this, and use it to galvanise what you have.

That said - should you not tell her - there is the possibility that you'll subconsciously project your guilt in the form of mistrust, resulting in her doing the same thing. A pygmalion effect so to speak. It happens, and some people mistake it for "karma". It's not.

Novella

Oh, the old, "I suffer from depression" gem.
It is completely irrelevant what you suffer from, imo. You cheated on your girlfriend, that's the issue.
I don't think anyone deserves to be in a relationship with a person who has been unfaithful to them and then keeps it a secret. You kissed someone else. Yeah, telling your girlfriend will probably upset her but not telling her, well as far as I'm concerned that makes the trust part of your relationship null and void.

Sure, you can pretend it never happened 'cause it's the easier option for you. Don't pretend you're doing her any favours though, because you're not. If you don't tell her, that is purely out of selfishness.

Tbh, I'd respect a guy a hell of a lot more for telling me that he'd kissed someone else than if I found out down the line. Also, these things do have a tendancy to resurface.

Miller Boy

Personally, I don't think you should tell her if you honestly believe that there is no way you'll do it again. Just put it down to drunken stupidity and move on.

I'm more than surprised at what people call cheating. No, you shouldn't have kissed her but is kissing the same as cheating? I don't think so.

consultech

Miller Boy wrote: »

Personally, I don't think you should tell her if you honestly believe that there is no way you'll do it again. Just put it down to drunken stupidity and move on.

I'm more than surprised at what people call cheating. No, you shouldn't have kissed her but is kissing the same as cheating? I don't think so.

Of course it is.

Cheating can be something very simple or "innocent", depending on the circumstance. Wherever something constitutes a betrayel of your partner's trust, that amounts to cheating.