Editing advice

Outburst

Hello,

I'm looking for advice on editing dialogue in prose. It seems that when the dialogue preceeds the 'x said', it is given a new line.

What happens when the dialogue comes at the end or runs through the middle of a sentence?

Can someone show me how this is done in the following piece?

Much obliged!

It certainly made the construction seem more symmetrical than had it been placed on the left or right flank. Then he looked directly into my eyes and intoned, almost indifferently, “You know they even put grass in cages”, as he scattered the pens to the floor. Society's rules of engagement were mysterious to this man, drifting impossibly before his eyes like ghostly ciphers.

pickarooney

I can't really help but I'm interested in others' opinions. I toyed with about 5 different ways of doing this myself and wasn't really happy with any. It's one of those times when you wonder how you manage to actually read books without picking up on this stuff (although I checked a few books after trying it and found no obvious consensus).

Outburst

I though that once you managed to write something that was it, success, red carpets, rehab... Editing everything to standards almost rivals writing in terms of difficulty.

EileenG

Outburst wrote: »

It certainly made the construction seem more symmetrical than had it been placed on the left or right flank.

Then he looked directly into my eyes and intoned, almost indifferently, “You know they even put grass in cages", as he scattered the pens to the floor.

Society's rules of engagement were mysterious to this man, drifting impossibly before his eyes like ghostly ciphers.

I normally place any line containing dialogue in a paragraph by itself. Comma before the quote mark, not after.

I would replace "intoned" with "said". Unless there is a really good reason not to, stick to "said" or "asked" in dialogue. They are practically invisible to the reader, so they don't interrupt the flow of conversation.

Outburst

Thanks Eileen.

Daftendirekt

The way you have it written there looks okay, although I'd put the comma inside the second quotation mark.

By the way, are there any rules about using single or double quotation marks? Or is it just a matter of preference?

EileenG

House style mostly, but you should be consistent. Double quote marks make it easier to avoid confusion with apostrophes.

pickarooney

EileenG wrote: »

I normally place any line containing dialogue in a paragraph by itself. Comma before the quote mark, not after.

That's an American convention. On this side of the Atlantic it's more usual, not to say 'correct' to put the comma outside the quote.

daftendirekt wrote:

By the way, are there any rules about using single or double quotation marks? Or is it just a matter of preference?

Personally, I would always use double quotes unless the quote contained a sub-quote, e.g.
"Maura was all like 'duh, of course!' which is so typical"

Where the editing software allows I would use smart single quotes to distinguish them from apostrophes.


This is all stuff that you should let an editor worry about, in about a year when you've rewritten about eleven times.

Outburst

Daftendirekt wrote: »

The way you have it written there looks okay, although I'd put the comma inside the second quotation mark.

By the way, are there any rules about using single or double quotation marks? Or is it just a matter of preference?

I've read a book on this recently, double quotations are for direct speech, single are for quotations within quotations, or quotations in academia. Apparently this is the opposite of the U.S. usage.

Outburst

Any takers on inserting foreign words into the text, i.e. bureau a gradin ( a type of desk) - My understanding is to put the word in italics.

pickarooney

I would also put them in italics and, depending on how obscure or non-evident from the context, explain what they meant.

I started a thread on this a couple of months back - most people were quite averse to there being more than the occasional foreign word here and there in the text.