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In Love With A Friend

  • 24-01-2010 10:36pm
    #1
    missedlove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    I am new to this and I need some help on my situation.

    In 2006 I started hanging out with a guy friend who I knew for years but
    we never clicked. We would hang out, go to the casinos and just do things that fiends do.

    In 2007 after a bad break-up this friend and I slept together.

    We begin to hang out even more and out of nowhere he start dating a girl and he acted like I didn't even exist., he would tell me about her and how much he cared about her. This was just the beginning up all of the heart break to come.

    I never told him how I felt about him and he never said he had feelings for me so I just moved on and moved far away and tried to get in a new relationship.

    I started seeing him again in November of 2009., we slept together and I didnt hear from him until Jan 2010

    Well here we are in 2010 and I slept with him again- a few days ago. Both of us are single but he told me that he cares for another girl that he just broke up with.

    This has been going on since 2007, there is alot that Im leaving out cause this would be one long long post. I am so confused. I am in love with him and I cant stop thinking about him. I really dont think he cares about me, not the way I care about him. I told him that I had feelings for him and he started to call me more but he never told me his feelings. I am so sad, so confused. Has anyone been is this situation? What should I do?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm currently in a similar situation but one in which I am still very close with the person I slept with. It's an ongoing difficulty as I'm trying to get out of my feelings while still having him around.

    My advice:

    If you have the guts to do it, run away from him. Stop texting, stop contacting him until you are completely moved on. I know exactly how hard it is because I just can't hold myself to it, but I know deep down that the best thing to do is walk away. The person I became involved with sounds a lot nicer than your friend as they have always been around since we slept together, always been there for me. Your friend clearly doesn't really care about you, I'm sure he does as a friend but from what your post says, i don't think he seems to care that strongly even friendship wise.
    The friendship may mean a lot to you, but look at the situation and ask yourself are you happy. I can tell you're not, I know I'm not. So please be stronger than I can be.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    First: Stop sleeping with him.

    You are providing him with no strings attached sex while he's recovering from a break-up. You want more but he doesn't (and even if he did, it might be too soon depending on when he broke up with his ex.)

    Second: Cut all contact with him. You can't get over someone until all ties are severed and you can move on at your own pace. He will meet somebody else and that will throw you back into the dark stages of getting over him. If you cut contact, you won't have to see those bits.

    Third: When you are over him, perhaps have a little chat with him and tell him how much his treatment of you hurt him. And maybe that in future when he knows someone has feelings for him, he DOESN'T use them for sex.

    Sorry to be blunt, OP. But that's what he's doing. He's preying on your feelings and using you for sex.

    I hope you do the right thing for yourself.


  • #4
    missedlove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭missedlove


    Thank you both. I really appreciate both of you taking out the time and responding. I needed someone to talk to about this whole situation.

    You read it like a book., this has happened before and he would start dating someone else after a breakup and it would throw me back into a very deep depression.

    I am a good person., but I have tried to find love in the wrong places and I thought sleeping with him and doing nice things for him would make him want me. But it hasn't. He says he enjoys the sex and he always ask me questions as if he wanted to be in a relationship., I guess this is something I will never understand.

    I really want closure. I want to ask him why? Why am I not good enough., Why he cant love me?

    You were not being blunt .. you were being honest... both of you and that is what I needed. I feel blinded and since its hard for me to talk about this, Ive been keeping it inside hoping that one day he would feel the way I feel.

    This is going to be hard but I am going to change my number and block him from my myspace accounts, facebook and email. I am still so sad, I really dont think I will ever have feelings for anyone like the feelings I have for him. My heart is broken.


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