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Advice on adjustment in a relationship?

  • 23-01-2010 1:32pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Don't want to make this a long, boring and emotionally retarded query so I'll try keep the backround short and simples.

    Going out with my gf for near 6 months. Getting on like an explosives factory on fire! We've really bonded and gotten to know each other. We call each other 10 times a day. But she practically gave up her friends for me without me realising it to my shame. She's socially one of the best I've seen. So, it came to a head the other day when I told her not to be anxious when I go out with my friends, which she gets. She told me she has to get her life back on track friends-wise. I think that's brill. Eveyone needs their friends.

    The problem I'm finding is that I can't help feel I'm losing her. I feel like I can't match her social ability when out and about and that bond we've developed might suffer as a result. Her friends are very popular. I suppose I'm just an easy going and mellow guy.

    When I talk to her she says I'm her escape from the world and that I'm her only one. She sees us long into the future and I suppose so do I and it is what I want too.

    Have you advice to tackle my nervousness and anxiety over it all? Or is it something I'll just have to adjust to and take it as it comes?


Comments

  • #2
    ChocolateRamses
    Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭ChocolateRamses


    So your GF lost all her friends, and was uneasy about you meeting your friends, then she got all her friends back, and now you're uneasy about her "social ability".

    You need to decide whether you want to trust your gf until she gives you cause not to, or whether you want to indulge your (arguably baseless) anxiety, which will most likely cause problems between the two of you in time..


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    whatwouldyoudo? wrote: »
    The problem I'm finding is that I can't help feel I'm losing her. I feel like I can't match her social ability when out and about and that bond we've developed might suffer as a result. Her friends are very popular. I suppose I'm just an easy going and mellow guy.

    The both of you have been on a 'dirty weekend' : ) for the last six months, and now it's time to catch up with old friends. You're not losing her. So what if you're not the same socially as she is? I'd say she admires YOU because you're so easy going and laid back. I'd listen to her when she says that she sees a future for you both. Speaking from my own experience, I'm seeing a man who is very mellow and laidback and I admire him for it because I can easily get stressed about things. It's in its early stages, but I can see myself wanting to spend more and more time with him!


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Maybe I haven't described it all well enough. I think I've been honest and true to myself all along. She obviously hasn't. So much has changed in the last week and it scares me to the core. I wasn't able to eat for 2 days and didn't sleep one of the nights. She's talking to guys and adding them on facebook in ways she wouldn't have beforehand. I can't say for a fact things between us have changed. All I know is things feel different. I'm frightened by it all.

    I'm wondering should I suggest a break between us to allow both of us re-evaluate things and see what it is both of us really want. I think I've been dreaming that she wanted the same things. I'm not so sure now. Maybe a break would be as good for her as it would me. I feel like I'm dragging her down now. Maybe she should get back with her friends, develop life the way she wants it and if I fit in there when that happens all well and good. But I'm going to feel left in suspense otherwise....

    What do ye think?
    Thanks in advance!


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    whatwouldyoudo? wrote: »
    Maybe I haven't described it all well enough. I think I've been honest and true to myself all along. She obviously hasn't. So much has changed in the last week and it scares me to the core. I wasn't able to eat for 2 days and didn't sleep one of the nights. She's talking to guys and adding them on facebook in ways she wouldn't have beforehand. I can't say for a fact things between us have changed. All I know is things feel different. I'm frightened by it all.

    So the crux of the matter is she's adding men to her facebook page. I don't know why you think she's being dishonest, it sounded from your first post like the two of you had a great relationship. It really isn't a good sign though that you've gone from thinking 'she's great' to 'she's dishonest' within the space of a week. And not being able to eat or sleep is very extreme. It'd be different if this new picture you have of your girlfriend was something you built up over a month or two, but one week? She's told you she likes you and sees a future with you, I think you should take her word for it and trust her instead of imagining all the bad things that could happen.

    I think you should take a look at how you view your girlfriend rather than how she acts on a night out.


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