My cousin's 1 year anniversary.

That_Guy

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my 10 year old cousin who sadly lost his life.

He had collapsed in school and was pronounced brain dead the following day.

It's one of the hardest thing our entire family has had to cope with and we all miss him so very much.

Every St. Stephen's Day relatives would all get together from my mam's side of the family which is always nice. This year the gathering happened to be at my house and even though we live in a big house and there was a lot of people there, it was obvious that one child was missing.

It was honestly one of the most emotional days I had experienced in such a long time. It was just the thought that one year ago to the day, he was there smiling away as shy and polite as ever and asking me what I got from Santa. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Because he lived in England we didn't get to see them as much as we would like. We'd see them at Christmas, summer time and the odd occasion during the year but looking back now it wasn't nearly enough. I know that's not our fault but I know a lot of my cousins were saying after he died that maybe we should've made more of an effort in going over to them. Of course, we weren't to know what was to happen.

Football was his life. He loved playing it, watching it and his dad often brought him to see Tottenham play (his team of choice). I'll miss talking to him about football. Despite his age he had fantastic knowledge of the game and he never could resist slagging me over me supporting Newcastle and I'll really really miss that.

For such a young age he had so much dedication to everything he did. He played football regularly and despite the weather he'd train hard. He was on a team which only gave places to those who passed a trial. An unbelievable achievement for someone so young.

He also loved music and started playing guitar. I'll always remember the time when he brought his guitar to our house one day and we had a little jam. Himself on guitar and me on drums. I just wish I could've done that more often with him.

During the year I've been putting on a brave face but as I write this the tears are literally streaming down my face. I miss him so much. We all do.

His mother and father and his sister are three of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet and it hurts even more whenever I see them because this past year they've had so much to deal with emotionally and financially.

My cousin's organs were donated to people who needed them and they helped three people and anyone else associated with them.

Unfortuantely our misery is someone elses good fortune. I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that he didn't die in vain. It just really hurts.

R.I.P my little cousin.

We all miss you so much and we love you dearly.

Handsome Bob

I know that's not our fault but I know a lot of my cousins were saying after he died that maybe we should've made more of an effort in going over to them.

It really is bad form on the part of your cousins to say something like that to you. It doesn't help the situation other than to give them someone to vent their anger at.

I hate anniversaries because they remind me of the things that maybe I should have done differently and I can see that you are struggling with the same feelings. What helps me is that I think about the relationship that I had with a lost loved one, and I tell myself that they knew how much they meant to me. Your little cousin sounded like an intelligent kid, I'm sure he understood the geographical barriers stopping you from seeing him more. It also sounds like that when you did get together, that you both got on really well and that you were someone who treated him with respect, which is important for a child. Simply put, you have nothing to feel guilty about because you already meant the world to that kid, so please don't beat yourself up.

That_Guy

LZ5by5 wrote: »

It really is bad form on the part of your cousins to say something like that to you. It doesn't help the situation other than to give them someone to vent their anger at.

They were speaking more on a general basis not that they were giving out to me for not going over. It's not like they did either.

Your little cousin sounded like an intelligent kid, I'm sure he understood the geographical barriers stopping you from seeing him more. It also sounds like that when you did get together, that you both got on really well and that you were someone who treated him with respect, which is important for a child. Simply put, you have nothing to feel guilty about because you already meant the world to that kid, so please don't beat yourself up.

Everyone knew the geographical boundaries and it's just one of those unfortunate things that they lived outside of the country.

I loved when they were all over. They're the nicest family ever and so easy to get on with and it was nice having a couple of kids over to our house to entertain.

I really appreciate your reply. It's extremely tough but we're getting there.

harvardgal2

Its very obvious you are in pain and still grieving. Perhaps you should think about going for counselling. You probably think a year has gone by, I should be dealing with this by now, but there is no time scale. Your cousin obviously meant a lot to you. Everyone has regrets when someone dies, with you thinking you should have visited more, but life gets in the way of good intentions. Don't beat yourself up about that. I really think you need to talk to a professional who will help you come to terms with your lose. Best of luck.