Anxiety in a relationship

LegacyUser

Feel awful for posting this but feel I need to 'cause I don't know what's up....

Seeing a girl for six months. Getting on great, better than anyone before. But I'm getting anxious feelings. It comes on when she sees some of her friends and even strangers sometimes. I'm starting to think I'm having issues when it comes to this relationship and wondering can I make it work from my point of view.

My issues:
* Get anxious when other ppl come into the relationship.
* Got jealous once.
* Feel that I'm boring her.
* Feel as though she is turning away from what she was when I met her.
* She's very attractive and gets lots of attenton and wonder will she leave me for someone else...
* She dislikes some of my close friends whom I don't see much anymore 'cause of it being a distance relationship and me being with her at weekends.

I know a lot of this is could be described as being paranoid. But how do I deal with it? It's so frustrating because we have such a good relationship. I just wish I could be happy in myself... and I don't know how to fix that... I have told her that I feel this but that doesn't help...

Do you think it's a bad situation for a relationship?

gagomes

I've been through this myself and I think, the underlying problem has always been my insecurities. The fact that my ex was way too pretty didn't help either, but that tends to be an excuse we use to justify our actions and attitudes. These feelings are not helpful and if you don't act to eliminate them, you'll find yourself losing her down the line. From personal experience, the worst wasn't losing her, but the number of months I spent scared she could be cheating on me, constantly trying to control her every moves, the number of arguements we had, not being able to completely enjoy ourselves.

You should seek out counselling or professional help. I did this after the break-up and I wish I had done this before, even if our relationship had come to an end for some other reason, at least I would have enjoyed myself more.

She is with you because she loves you. If you keep exposing your weaknesses to her and even reducing her enjoyment while she's with you, her interest level will drop which might lead to a break up or being cheated on or both.

If there is anything about her being with her friends that bothers you, you should discuss it in a friendly way but remember the solution is not in isolating your girlfriend from her friends.

Best of luck, I know what you're going thru and most importantly that there's no easy fix, you have to be brave.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply! Sounds very similar to what I'm going through... I've always had insecurities and I need to get it resolved!

Do you mind me asking where you got the help you needed? I think I need to do similar...

Thanks!

ladywithtoydog

hi OP,

your post caught my eye as I feel in a similar position. I have been seeing a guy for about 6months and its going really well, though I have always suffered with low self esteem and depression so i get very anxious that im boring him or just not good enough. I have been seeing a cognitive therapist for over a year and do find it helpful. The main thing to remember is, is there any real evidence for your fears? Most likely not, so if you can manage to draw yourself back to reality and just relax in the moment your true personality will shine through more,
im saying this to myself as well by the way! I suppose its a matter of keeping yourself in check and not getting too caught up in your thoughts and fears.
I know i have many worries that we're not right for eachother perhaps cause i feel boring and sometimes feel i have nothing to say to him. But the positives of the relationship outweigh the bad and i think i would have these fears with anyone. I would recommend cognitive therapy if you havent tried it, its a great way to gain control over such irrational fears and worries,
ok i talked mostly about myself there but hopefully you feel it might relate to you,
best of luck

cherryred

+1 on the cognitive theraphy, i had/have anxiety and it really helped me

There's also a great website ww.moodgym.org