dating websites

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am recently single and would like to try a dating website - are there any you would recommend? Stay away from? Thanks...

gagomes

I have used a site called plenty of fish, not sure if we can paste links here, so just type it in google! :-)

mood

I would guess that they all have odd balls and genuine people using them just like pubs etc. I think it's more a case of learning how to weed out the odd balls and not so nice people to get to the genuine ones.

Sorry I can't offer any tips as I haven't tried it yet.

oxygenman

Have you tried social circle?...

LegacyUser

Dating sites are not good places.
i have experience with dating sites but mainly know loads of others who have used them. both male and female.


there are way more cons than pros.


the fact is there is always a higher ratio of men than women. women get flooded with dozens of mails. Alot soon after just logging in. If you're a man stay away from sites like these.

As for just the general use of dating sites is that they are not worth it. You can mail lots of female members and only a handful will get back if you're lucky. there is just so much male competetiton.

If you're a female using the site you'll get is just guys wanting one thing.

I wont name names but there are at least 3 women who use Plenty of Fish who are also on sex sites. You read their profile saying "do not message me looking for sex!" then you can goto another adult site and they have naked pictures of themself saying they are looking for sex. Of course not everyone is like that on the site. But be wary.


and thats not to mention the "emotional baggage" alot of people who use the site have.



stay away me thinks.

LegacyUser

sorry.
i was editing it and moving different parts up and down. forget to make it easy on the eye to read.

Birdsong

The thing to remember with websites is that they are a way of making the first connection with some body, in the way that a nightclub or pub on a saturday night. After the innital connect you have to go out with the person on a one -to - one for a date, dinner or drinks & it doesn't matter where you made the connection.

Don't think too hard about it, it is better to meet as soon as possible, all the messaging back & forth gets you no where, its not until you meet someone you know if there is a spark, again no different from meeting somebody with beer googles in the night club, when you meet on a Wednesday night for a drink, they may seem very boring

I have used dating websites and have met a few men for dates but only one turned in to somemore, but am back on line again. I know 3 couples who met on-line who are now married.

I do think the ones you pay for a much better, to me if people are willing to part with their money they are probably serious about this. maybefriends & anotherfriend are the 2 I know

My 2cents:)

princess-lala

I agree with the above poster who said about plenty of fish - on this site in particular there are certain options you can choose so you dont have to be looking for love, you can actually just look for friends. And it is free.

Also as someone else said by meeting someone with beer goggles on you know nothing about them and meet them again, whereas on the internet you can get to know more about them before meeting

ChocolateRamses

princess-lala wrote: »

I agree with the above poster who said about plenty of fish - on this site in particular there are certain options you can choose so you dont have to be looking for love, you can actually just look for friends. And it is free.

Also as someone else said by meeting someone with beer goggles on you know nothing about them and meet them again, whereas on the internet you can get to know more about them before meeting

i find the problem with dating sites is that people on them talk a good fight, but when it comes time to deliver, prepare to be dissappointed.

princess-lala

ChocolateRamses wrote: »

i find the problem with dating sites is that people on them talk a good fight, but when it comes time to deliver, prepare to be dissappointed.

Meeting people in pubs and clubs can be the same though

Its life - I think we should all be prepared to be disappointed

gagomes

princess-lala wrote: »

Meeting people in pubs and clubs can be the same though

Its life - I think we should all be prepared to be disappointed

I agree. We should always lower our expectations and not let our heart and mind be driven by the looks of a picture and what the person writes or says over the phone. Plenty of Fish is great in the way that you don't have to pay for a subscription, but this results in spending more time trying to find a needle in a haystack. Some people on this forum seem put off by dating sites - I don't think there is a problem. Some women and men are used to go to night clubs or pubs, to have fun and a few drinks and work their ways through meeting new people. Some people are not fond of drinking, clubs or pubs, etc either because they are shy, don't drink, don't have friends to go out with or don't like the music in such environments. In this context, dating sites are a great help and should be used in the same way that we would start a friendship in person. First you get to know the person virtually and then you get to know her personally, only then you will know if there's a spark.

Shivers26

I have recently tried the whole online dating thing and I have to say I was not impressed with plentyoffish. Like others said, there seemed to be a huge number of men on it and I was bombarded with messages. I was approached many times for some pretty oddball stuff too. I did meet one nice guy but we would not be well suited in a relationship but seem to be becoming good friends.

I found maybefriends a lot better. I met a couple of people from there and I generally found that people took it more seriously, maybe because there was a fee attached. I met one really lovely guy from there and am quite smitten so deleted my profiles from both sites as did he

Just make sure to talk loads via the sites first and ask lots of questions. The ones who are serious about dating will be happy to talk. Then when you feel more comfortable you can progress to chatting on MSN or by phone and text.

Good luck!

Tchaikovsky

Having had experience of POF I'd say take it with a pinch of salt. I'm not sure what gender you are, but the majority of the women on it come across as illiterate beb0-generation drones, so it's all about patience and perserverence.
There's absolutely no harm in trying though, there are a few gems around online

nesbitt

My experience is put up honest profile and picture.

Have a criteria that you stick too, eg. non smoker, light social drinker, height, build etc. etc, kids, no kids, whatever but be true to what you are looking for.

Only wink or reply to approaches that you are interested in. Use the block feature for pests.

Communicate by message within the site and use this to gain useful information eg. are they employed, what are there living arrangements, is the communication articulate etc. do not switch to your email you will be asked to do this if your on the site no reason to message other than within the site IMHO.

After some messaging, I keep it to a max of say 3 exchanges than decide to meet for coffee at lunchtime.... believe me a quick coffee and half an hour chat will let you know totally if you would like to see the person again or consider dating, that months of messaging will NEVER reveal.

Then its just down to luck.

IMHO dating website are a useful media nothing more nothing less, same as bumping into someone in a bar but just different type of contact.

LegacyUser

smooch and okcupid are two other free ones which seem to be ok, I quite like okcupid.

I haven't tried any of the subscriptions ones as it just kinda annoys me but I can see how people on them would be a bit more serious and not just people fishing for compliments.

With regards to meeting people of them I disagree with shivers, I think the sooner you meet up the better, no point in wasting time online when you can get to know the person much better over a quick non-commital cup of coffee.

In fact any dates I've had from them have been proper evening dates, I think people can be a bit paranoid.

LegacyUser

ok, thanks for all the replies..

i have tried POF, and another friend and maybe friends..

Jees the whole world seems to be on POF??

not really made contact yet - just checking things out..

never heard of okcupid or smooch or social circle - has anyone more experience of these..

its quite cumbersome but would log in to another one if I thought it was good?

thanks in advance...

liah

I've tried pretty much every free site under the sun for the sake of it-- never, ever met anyone off of a dating site and to be honest, I'm not sure if I ever intend to.

So, going strictly by quality of replies from a female perspective, I WOULD NOT use connectingsingles, plentyoffish, smooch, etc. All you get are guys with crap/no pictures sending messages like "hey luv, how r u, wats ur msn? xx"

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not going to waste my time with someone who can't even be bothered using English when trying to pick someone up.

So far, the only remotely decent site I've found is okcupid. The profiles are filled out well and are legible. The pool is more "even" in terms of men vs. women. Their matching system is really, really well done provided you take the time and answer the questions. It's fun, you can waste time doing tests and things like that. But most importantly, I don't get 100 messages a day that all read the same. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I actually get legible, full-English replies, which don't look like they've been copy/pasted to 100 other girls. The best part is, you can make it so nobody outside of a certain range (say you only want people under 30, only people with "single" status, only people in a certain location, only people with at least one picture, only people you match with 70% or over) can contact you at all.

I've never tried any pay sites so I can't compare to those, but okcupid is the best you're going to get as far as free ones go. There seems to be a rather large Irish base on top of that.

If you're going to try anything, try that. It sounds like I work for them, but I don't.. I just find it the most easy-to-use and the people seem a little more intelligent on average.

mood

liah wrote: »

I've tried pretty much every free site under the sun for the sake of it-- never, ever met anyone off of a dating site and to be honest, I'm not sure if I ever intend to.

So, going strictly by quality of replies from a female perspective, I WOULD NOT use connectingsingles, plentyoffish, smooch, etc. All you get are guys with crap/no pictures sending messages like "hey luv, how r u, wats ur msn? xx"

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not going to waste my time with someone who can't even be bothered using English when trying to pick someone up.

So far, the only remotely decent site I've found is okcupid. The profiles are filled out well and are legible. The pool is more "even" in terms of men vs. women. Their matching system is really, really well done provided you take the time and answer the questions. It's fun, you can waste time doing tests and things like that. But most importantly, I don't get 100 messages a day that all read the same. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I actually get legible, full-English replies, which don't look like they've been copy/pasted to 100 other girls. The best part is, you can make it so nobody outside of a certain range (say you only want people under 30, only people with "single" status, only people in a certain location, only people with at least one picture, only people you match with 70% or over) can contact you at all.

I've never tried any pay sites so I can't compare to those, but okcupid is the best you're going to get as far as free ones go. There seems to be a rather large Irish base on top of that.

If you're going to try anything, try that. It sounds like I work for them, but I don't.. I just find it the most easy-to-use and the people seem a little more intelligent on average.

I don't get why you are trying these site if you don't intend to meet someone for them. Surely the whole point to using the site is to meet people!

liah

mood wrote: »

I don't get why you are trying these site if you don't intend to meet someone for them. Surely the whole point to using the site is to meet people!

Prefer the long-distance pen pal aspect and just talking to different people from all over the world. It's interesting.

You don't have to be on a site like that with the intent to date. If that comes out of it, grand, but I'm content without a motive.. makes it easier, really.

mood

liah wrote: »

Prefer the long-distance pen pal aspect and just talking to different people from all over the world. It's interesting.

You don't have to be on a site like that with the intent to date. If that comes out of it, grand, but I'm content without a motive.. makes it easier, really.

Ok but on you status/profile do you state that's what you want? I think some sites have a friends option, and in that case i think it's fine but not if others think you are there for dating.

LisaMe

I've been on POF for a few months after a friend recommended it. She's in her 30s and was ready to settle down but I'm in my 20s and interested in dating. She is now living with her boyfriend who she met from the site.

My experience with POF has been disappointing... I disagree with the poster that says that there is more competition for the girls... well where are all the nice men then?! I get spam ones "Hey babe, hows u? x" from people not reading my page but nice, intelligent men seem to be few and far between.

I came across someone with big emotional baggage too. He bit my head off once when I said something jokingly and then turned nasty since.

I'd highly recommend to meet up as soon as possible. I don't think online dating is for me as sometimes I'd be chatting to someone for a while and then if they disappear I'm embarrassed for telling a stranger half my business.

I met a chap off the site who I'd been writing to for a few weeks. In real life he was completely different- he had lied about his height and this prob sounds really shallow but he was tiny compared to me (female). But besides his height of course we just didn't have a romantic connection in real life so it would have been better to meet up sooner than later.

opinion guy

best way to meet people is to take up a hobby

dance, yoga, martial art, whatever. you automatically have somethign in common to talk about and ssay iwt ha dance class you bascially hav eto talk with members of the opposite sex in order to dance with them

theg81der

Well plenty of fish is apparently a sex site so don`t go there. My mum met her partner on another friend and 4 years later they`re extremely happy.

LegacyUser

theg81der wrote: »

Well plenty of fish is apparently a sex site so don`t go there. My mum met her partner on another friend and 4 years later they`re extremely happy.

Plenty of Fish isn't a sex site. You could make that claim about any of the sites - certain people will be there looking for sex only, while others will be there looking for love, regardless of what they say. I met my boyfriend on pof.com, and met a few other guys previously, none of whom were looking for sex.

I also tried okcupid - much nicer to use, look at etc but i never met anyone from there irl. It seemed to me to be very social, and the forums are very active, but as for meeting someone, I'm not sure.

stepbar

LisaMe wrote: »

I've been on POF for a few months after a friend recommended it. She's in her 30s and was ready to settle down but I'm in my 20s and interested in dating. She is now living with her boyfriend who she met from the site.

My experience with POF has been disappointing... I disagree with the poster that says that there is more competition for the girls... well where are all the nice men then?! I get spam ones "Hey babe, hows u? x" from people not reading my page but nice, intelligent men seem to be few and far between.

I came across someone with big emotional baggage too. He bit my head off once when I said something jokingly and then turned nasty since.

I'd highly recommend to meet up as soon as possible. I don't think online dating is for me as sometimes I'd be chatting to someone for a while and then if they disappear I'm embarrassed for telling a stranger half my business.

I met a chap off the site who I'd been writing to for a few weeks. In real life he was completely different- he had lied about his height and this prob sounds really shallow but he was tiny compared to me (female). But besides his height of course we just didn't have a romantic connection in real life so it would have been better to meet up sooner than later.

Well holy god :rolleyes: it's hardly the worst opening line in the world is it? What do you want a lad to start telling you his life story on the first message? I guarentee you if you thought the guy was good looking, you'd write back...

mood

I would think what she means is getting messages from guys who don't even read her profile ie if she has stated she only wants to meet someone 20-26, non-smokers, form cork and then gets messages a 50 year old, chain smoker from Dublin!

ash23

It bugs me when people don't read my profile. For eg one guy emailed me and when I replied I sent back a picture. It was of me and my friend. She's about half my height with blonde hair. I said on my profile that I was brunette and 5'8. He replied and asked which one I was.....

The generic "howya" emails are just plain lazy. I mean, the info is all there. Just read the profile and take a point and use it.

For eg I will probably not respond to a "Howz it goin?" email but I will respond if someone says "Hi, I'm John. I see on your profile that you like sky diving. Thats pretty impressive, I've a fear of heights myself"

It the difference between a guy coming up to you in a bar and saying "Whaasssuuuuupppppp!!!" and saying "I noticed you from over there. Are you having a good night"

Two different levels really.


I also got an email from a guy once saying "You're hot. I'm free tonight and I'll book a hotel room. here's my number. I really want to f*ck you". Despite that I had said "no intimate encounters". That was the equivalent of walking up to me in a bar and grabbinng my arse or groping my boobs. :rolleyes:

Firetrap

Is it any worse than going into a pub or nightclub and having people tell you what you want to hear so that they can get you into the scratcher? There's no magic bullet when it comes to meeting a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Different things for for different people.

LegacyUser

As hard as it is for women on dating websites, they get inundated with just random generic greetings, it's as hard, if not harder for men. I've tried the website thing, and I only contact women I genuinely have an interest in after I've taken the time to read what they have to say. I never go on looks (obviously some semblance of attraction is essential!) alone, so I've seen some really beautiful girls who come across as not my type, so I wont waste either of our time. Yet 90% of the women I've contacted haven't even bothered to reply with a 'no thanks.' Honestly, that would actually be better than complete ignorance.

So both men and women have their problems. Women get too many messages, genuine men can get ignored. But then, I guess that's the nature of internet dating. Anonymity allows people to act in ways that aren't socially ideal.

mood

Problems4Both wrote: »

As hard as it is for women on dating websites, they get inundated with just random generic greetings, it's as hard, if not harder for men. I've tried the website thing, and I only contact women I genuinely have an interest in after I've taken the time to read what they have to say. I never go on looks (obviously some semblance of attraction is essential!) alone, so I've seen some really beautiful girls who come across as not my type, so I wont waste either of our time. Yet 90% of the women I've contacted haven't even bothered to reply with a 'no thanks.' Honestly, that would actually be better than complete ignorance.

So both men and women have their problems. Women get too many messages, genuine men can get ignored. But then, I guess that's the nature of internet dating. Anonymity allows people to act in ways that aren't socially ideal.

I remember reading a post here from a woman who said she sent a guy a 'no thanks' reply and got terrible abuse from him after that. Maybe others have had similar experiences so don't sent 'no thanks' replies.

TheGreenGiant

ash23 wrote: »

It bugs me when people don't read my profile. For eg one guy emailed me and when I replied I sent back a picture. It was of me and my friend. She's about half my height with blonde hair. I said on my profile that I was brunette and 5'8. He replied and asked which one I was.....

The generic "howya" emails are just plain lazy. I mean, the info is all there. Just read the profile and take a point and use it.

For eg I will probably not respond to a "Howz it goin?" email but I will respond if someone says "Hi, I'm John. I see on your profile that you like sky diving. Thats pretty impressive, I've a fear of heights myself"

It the difference between a guy coming up to you in a bar and saying "Whaasssuuuuupppppp!!!" and saying "I noticed you from over there. Are you having a good night"

Two different levels really.


I also got an email from a guy once saying "You're hot. I'm free tonight and I'll book a hotel room. here's my number. I really want to f*ck you". Despite that I had said "no intimate encounters". That was the equivalent of walking up to me in a bar and grabbinng my arse or groping my boobs. :rolleyes:

I'm on a few dating sites and I always when sending an email to a girl I find interesting strike up a conversation with something she has written on her profile. I hate those 1 word, 1 line messages also that I get from girls emailing me. I mean, if your interested, at least put some effort into it. I mean, if you meet someone on a night out, you don't go up to him/her and just say hi and walk off. You want to strike up a conversation. So why people don't do that online, I will never know.

LegacyUser

ok folks, I have joined 2 dating sites - should I put my photo up or not? Will I get few responses if I do not? (i have heard I will not).. thanks

G-Money

Just thought I'd weigh in with my 2 cents.

I've been on various dating sites over the years and never had much luck with them, until recently. I was on Plenty of Fish and ended up meeting a girl and was seeing her for a while. Unfortunately it didn't work out but I don't regret meeting her or anything so I think it was worth it. Having said that, I came close to deleting my profile before I met her and I actually did go and delete my profile from it the other day.

As regards putting your pic up, from a guys point of view, I'd prefer to look at profiles with pictures. I know that's a bit shallow but I'm betting you'd rather look at a guys profile that had a pic than one that didn't?

As a girl, I guess you's get lots of crappy mails and stuff. I know myself I always tried to send an original email and I would take time to read the girls profile and comment on it etc. Having said that, some girls have the most boring f****g profiles ever. Seriously. It will be some one liner like "I like going out with the girls, socialising, shopping, travelling". It's like who doesn't like doing those things?!! I'm sure they're the first to complain as well about getting crappy emails from guys too.

My advice is to put some decent, interesting information into your profile. Something that show's you've got a personality and a sense of humour. It won't mean that you won't get stupid one line emails from guys, but if you put flip all information in the profile, there's not much for a guy to go on and contact you about. I have often loaded profiles and found them mind numblingly boring and have struggled to come up with anything to write to the girl about. Quite often I've just skipped over them as they've been so bland.

You'll also have to be prepared to perhaps have your mails not responded to. I've sent out mails to girls and they sometimes never reply. It happens more often than you like, but that's just the way it is. It's frustrating as you spend some time writing something that you think is funny and original and you just get blanked. But stuff it. In a way it hardens you up and makes you feel less bad about not responding to people you aren't interested in yourself. Harsh, but true.

Good luck anyway.

e04bf099

wwdating wrote: »

ok, thanks for all the replies..

i have tried POF, and another friend and maybe friends..

Jees the whole world seems to be on POF??

not really made contact yet - just checking things out..

never heard of okcupid or smooch or social circle - has anyone more experience of these..

its quite cumbersome but would log in to another one if I thought it was good?

thanks in advance...

Smooch is crap, socialcircle is for over 40s mostly and okcupid is decent but there are still a lot of girls on there that treat it as bebo. Its a nicer site with more fun aspects. I've had one date in a month. It was off POF. I thought it went well and she said she'd like to meet up again, but never did. Dunno what happened. I hate when I girl messages for weeks and won't meet up for a quiet drink or a coffee. Its really pointless and kind of inconsiderate since, as someone has already said, one hour face-to-face will substitute 20 weeks messages.

Goodluck anyha. I hope they treat you better than they have me:(

e04bf099

liah wrote: »

Prefer the long-distance pen pal aspect and just talking to different people from all over the world. It's interesting.

You don't have to be on a site like that with the intent to date. If that comes out of it, grand, but I'm content without a motive.. makes it easier, really.

Well then you are one of those really annoying girls. I hope you put it up explicitly and don't chat to someone for ages without any intentions.

Tar.Aldarion

okcupid is so good at matching it matched me with somebody on this thread lol.

Never really used em, that okcupid site was fun for tests years ago, probably still is..I did use are you interested on facebook whilst developing my own dating app for facebook this year and met a person off that that is lovely. plus you learn a lot about people from their facebook.
There are all sorts of places you can look, beautifulpeople.com is just funny to use, I enjoy it heh!
I've seen wealthymen.com...redheadpassions...some odder ones :eek:

e04bf099

This is the first time this has ever happened, but while I was posting here, I got three messages in quick succession:eek:

I'm inundated. This must be what its like to be a girl on these sites. Its not sooo bad:rolleyes:

G-Money

e04bf099 wrote: »

This is the first time this has ever happened, but while I was posting here, I got three messages in quick succession:eek:

I'm inundated. This must be what its like to be a girl on these sites. Its not sooo bad:rolleyes:

It's a bit strange when that happens, but in a good way isn't it I'm on a site at the moment oddly enough, just before my membership expired, I had about 2 or 3 different girls initiate contact with me and send me an email. Found it slightly suspicious and even now, I'm still not 100% sure if it's just some scam by the company to keep me on or if it's genuine. I'm going to go with the latter though, but not totally rulling out the former.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies..

Well so far I have am on too sites and have not put my profile up.
I have got a few emails but nothing of interest - especially the ones where they mail you one line and then when you reply with questions and they reply not answering them and just ask you something else - or is this a bit harsh? Just seems very casual for want of a word..

e04bf099

grandmaster wrote: »

It's a bit strange when that happens, but in a good way isn't it I'm on a site at the moment oddly enough, just before my membership expired, I had about 2 or 3 different girls initiate contact with me and send me an email. Found it slightly suspicious and even now, I'm still not 100% sure if it's just some scam by the company to keep me on or if it's genuine. I'm going to go with the latter though, but not totally rulling out the former.

Thats not what happened here. Don't bring me down man:)

e04bf099

wwwdating wrote: »

thanks for all the replies..

Well so far I have am on too sites and have not put my profile up.
I have got a few emails but nothing of interest - especially the ones where they mail you one line and then when you reply with questions and they reply not answering them and just ask you something else - or is this a bit harsh? Just seems very casual for want of a word..

If someone consistantly doesn't answer your questions they're being lazy and thats not a good sign that they're serious. People do it by accident, but if they're serious they'll know how to have a conversation.

LegacyUser

hi, one more thing - do girls make the first move or both - whats the norm?

G-Money

wwwdating wrote: »

hi, one more thing - do girls make the first move or both - whats the norm?

Either can. Lots of times it's been me initiating contact but there are times when girls make the first move to get in contact. I love it when they do!

e04bf099

wwwdating wrote: »

hi, one more thing - do girls make the first move or both - whats the norm?

You should most definitely make a certain amount of initiations. Don't be worried if lads don't respond, lads have to deal with that 95% of the time. If you play the averages like lads do you'll be much more likely to get something serious out of it. Thats 100% gaurenteed because girls rarely initiate and lads appreciate it:)