she never said she had a bf

LegacyUser

i have been working in the same place as this girl for about six months, we don't work together only see eachother when we are swapping shifts, or send work related texts(bitch about boss etc, swapping shifts). Thing is I really like her, and we make chit chat (most was about work/my college course) when swapping shifts and in texts etc . I just found out she has a boyfriend, I just feel like why don't women say these things?? Its not like she was flirting with me I suppose, I don't know just got my hopes up .

sorry just needed to rant I guess

muboop1

Unfortunately for guys and girls sometimes, we quite often do not bring up our partners with a casual acquaintance unless we saw the need.

If you were just having random texts about work... well why would she bring her bf into it?

I'll be honest, if i'm talking to a causal mate whom I only really talk about work to... I wouldn't bring up that I have a gf! Now in a club where I thought I was being hit on or something I would to avoid an awkward scenario.

But other then that I'm afraid she has done no wrong.

It's rubbish... But that's life!

Just take it as a learning experience. It's not always how it seems

Best of luck to you.

Taltos

She probably just sees you as a work colleague.
Not a friend / interested party / potential etc...

Why would she share personal details with a work colleague?!?!

I think in this case you allowed yourself to move beyond being friends to hoping for more. So - why did you do that? Why did you have to go and ruin a perfectly good loose friendship... How could you...

See where I am going? She cannot control how you feel. Only you can do that. Look you know now that she has a bf - time to be honest - either have her just as a friend or respect that she is in a relationship and back off but do yourself a favour and don't pine for her or lead yourself to believe that there was more going on here than there was...

kenbrady

neversaid wrote: »

i have been working in the same place as this girl for about six months, we don't work together only see eachother when we are swapping shifts, or send work related texts(bitch about boss etc, swapping shifts). Thing is I really like her, and we make chit chat (most was about work/my college course) when swapping shifts and in texts etc . I just found out she has a boyfriend, I just feel like why don't women say these things?? Its not like she was flirting with me I suppose, I don't know just got my hopes up .

sorry just needed to rant I guess

Did you tell her you had romantic feeling for her ?
I'm sure she would have told you then, that she had a boyfriend.
Just because a woman talks to you and sends you a few work related text, does not mean she is interested in you.

kittenkiller

Does she have to mention that she has 12 cousins and a pet poodle too?

You weren't involved in a relationship with her, why would she *have* to disclose something like that to a casual work colleague?

Wibbs

I agree with the others on this. The only time I would be irritated would be if she was actively flirting with me for months and then came out with the existence of a boyfriend. Though at that point I'd largely ignore it and him. Though TBH I'd avoid her as that would be game playing to some degree.

If ye're just friendly in work, then the mistake so to speak was more yours than hers. Write it up to experience I'd say.

Gyalist

Just because she is in a relationship doesn't mean that she may not be looking to move on should she meet the right person. A large percentage of women do not break up their existing relationship until they have lined up the replacement.

kittenkiller

Gyalist wrote: »

Just because she is in a relationship doesn't mean that she may not be looking to move on should she meet the right person. A large percentage of women do not break up their existing relationship until they have lined up the replacement.

Where'd that percentage come from?
Any backup?
Very interesting.

Taltos

kittenkiller wrote: »

Where'd that percentage come from?
Any backup?
Very interesting.

I am guessing that he meant to say "in my experience...". Realities can differ from person to person.

OP - just be a friend with her. But if you find that you want more - then pull back but let her know why (high level).

ManOfMystery

Gyalist wrote: »

Just because she is in a relationship doesn't mean that she may not be looking to move on should she meet the right person. A large percentage of women do not break up their existing relationship until they have lined up the replacement.

The OP did insinuate that she has NOT been flirting with him or anything so I'd say it's more likely she just saw him as a friendly work colleague.

In which case, all visions of a romance are totally in the OP's head and she was under no obligation to tell him anything about her personal life.

LegacyUser

I mean I guess I must have taken up her just being nice texts as kinda meaning she was interested.... such a let down....

I mean how do you know when a girl is interested ? Besides the whole rubbing your arm or looking for ways to touch you, cos thats pretty obvious.

Wibbs

It's pretty obvious usually. They try to spend more time and hang around with you, ask about you and your life and your past. They'll tend to stand closer to you and all that stuff too. They'll often tell you their relationship status, ie single or not happy* fairly early in. I dunno, you just kinda know, but it takes time to learn. It did for me. I've missed big red flags of "I want you NOW!" in my time



*have to careful there though as a shoulder to cry on may be the only thing being looked for.

LostinBlanch

Pretty obvious eh?

Maybe they wear a specific t shirt with a message on even? :pac: :cool:

Edit: OP don't sweat it, just chalk it down to experience.