Cried after sex. BFs response

LegacyUser

I have a bit of a problem. Started seeing a new guy and was unsure about my feelings for him for a while. It's more of a slow burner!! Also i'm recently out of a long relationship and he's single 1 year. I should explain my relationship was failing long before it ended, and he says he's ready to move on.

Anyway the sex is great. We click and have a laugh. I felt like I was falling in love with him. I told him I was falling in love with him and he didn't answer straight away but said the same thing to me last night... said he needed time to think and get his head straight.

Ok so anyway last night we were in bed for hours, and without getting into it, I probably had the most intense orgasm i've ever had and felt the sudden urge to cry. It's happened twice in the past and kinda freaked me out. The bf thought he'd done something wrong and I said no it was nothing to do with him but just me being overwhelmed. He freaked out about not wanting to get hurt again he's had his heart broken and isn't setting himself up for it again. In fact he appeared to get teary and I cuddled into him and he shunned me away. Eventually after him threatening to leave because he convinced him self I wouldn't want to see him again he said he had to cool off and went to the bathroom for a while. I felt completely weirded out and we kinda made our excuses and fell asleep.

Anyway this morning he asked could we forget it even happened. I spoke with him today and he apologised and said he'd make it up to me. He said he hoped it wouldn't turn me off him and he was annoyed with himself and not me. I told him it was fine and not to be so defensive with me that I just needed an oul cuddle that was all. All day he's texting me and he has a few things going on at home so I appreciate he's feeling a bit upset but he seems to be more concerned with himself than me which I find weird. He asked would I want to do (the thing that caused the intense orgasm) it again. I said it was great but the bit afterwards left me feeling a little strange, he said "me too, i'm still a bit upset about what happened"

Ok so... I'm thinking either he's an emotional guy (which he is) and has a few things going on at the moment. Or... he's not over his ex... or at least "ready" for another relationship because his reaction was very OTT (Which he acknowledged and just said "won't happen again") I've apologised for freaking him out but I was hoping for a little more support from him and now I feel like maybe i'm jumping into something with him. I typically fall for very manly men btw. We're dating 4/5 months now btw. I should also add he's 22 and i'm almost 27. Not sure if it's an age difference thing.

Would really really appreciate your views on this... it's very embarrassing and awkward. He's a good guy... but this has kinda made me think twice.
thanks guys.

LegacyUser

Em this has happened to me before - it was kinda scary but kinda good - ye will work through the emotional stuff - just be open and honest with eachother - as long as you both wanna move on you should be ok...

ps - what did he do that was sooo good? please do tell..

BroomBurner

I can imagine it's scary for any man for his partner to cry after sex, it's not the response he would have been expecting. Maybe he's just a little self-conscious and thought he was so bad, it had made you cry.

Just explain that it was a happy-cry, as opposed to a sad-cry.

The fact that he offered to do the same thing again is a good sign that he was just a little freaked out, but cares enough about you to get over it and make you happy.

LegacyUser

Thanks for responding so soon. i'm a worrier - always have been and its great to get feedback so quickly. He is a very sweet and affectionate guy. My ex wasn't touchy feely at all so it's taken a while for us to kinda get used to each other and suss each other out. When i think of him, he makes me feel special and loved. But normally I fall for guys very quickly and obviously this time i'm more cautious but it's like the trust is being built up very slowly... things like this can really throw a spanner in the works but i'm not objective so it's great to get feedback from u guys

unattendedbag

Ill try to make this sound simple without getting too much into the science stuff. When a woman climaxes a natural chemical is released into her that makes her feel all 'lovey dovey', wanting to cuddle, and feel very emotional straight after the orgasm. If yours was really intense then it probably explains why you were tipped over the edge and started crying. It doesnt necessarily mean you are falling for him.
When guys climax the chemical released into their brain makes them drowsy and want to fall asleep. (weird, i know).
Im not too sure if you had any questions out of the post but my views are, i think sex should be fun especially in the early part of a relationship. The incident you described shouldnt put you off having fun in the bedroom and trying the things that make u feel good. Not being being over his ex usually isnt an issue after a year. maybe he's just trying to consider if he thinks entering such a serious relationship is a good idea for him right now, but only he can decide that.

kittenkiller

If my bf started crying after sex, I'd be really freaked out!
If it was explained to me that it was just a chemical response i'd probably be really relieved but still in shock and my mind'd go "Well at least he's safe, I haven't broken him. WTF was that!?" and I'd probably end up in a bit of a mood for being put through the shock of thinking that I had done something awful.

Now in the cold light of day he has apologised for his reaction and offered to repeat the initial performance.
All seem like good signs to me!

Chill and enjoy OP!

tbh

he was probably emotional himself if he'd just had an orgasm as well - and you crying (not your fault! of course not!) just upset him in the literal sense of the word. This is a chance for you to take your relationship to the next level - you've had the physical intimacy by bumping uglies, now have the emotional intimacy of talking about what happened. It's pretty normal, really.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_petite_mort

seamus

tbh wrote: »

he was probably emotional himself if he'd just had an orgasm as well - and you crying (not your fault! of course not!) just upset him in the literal sense of the word. This is a chance for you to take your relationship to the next level - you've had the physical intimacy by bumping uglies, now have the emotional intimacy of talking about what happened. It's pretty normal, really.

+1
There are few things that can make my bottom lip tremble quite like seeing my wife crying. I wouldn't worry about it too much, it's another level of emotional intimacy.

aidan24326

OP, your bf sounds like a bit of a drama queen to be honest, but at least he's apologised and acknowledged that his reaction was ott, that's a good thing. He's young and perhaps inexperienced? Any guy with experience would know that a girl crying after an intense orgasm isn't that unusual. Reassure him that you were just overcome with emotions and that it's a good thing really, tell him the reason you were so overcome is that the feeling was so amazing and better than anything you've ever had before, and I'm sure he'll start to see things a bit differently! In the grand scheme of things this is only a minor issue and I wouldn't read too much into it, says nothing about his ex or any of that stuff.