Am I unreasonable?

LegacyUser

Hi all, I've been with my boyfriend for nigh on four years and all is well, we have a great relationship and I love him to bits. Just something that niggles me from time to time. We live abroad and he works anti social hours, he gets paid per "shift" so he loses a shift, he loses money. In the time we've lived abroad I've been home numerous times, for family weddings/christenings/birthdays etc.. He's never been to any with me, telling me he can't afford to take the time off, we were back one time together for a family occassion on his side, was a very busy time of year for me and I really had to make a huge effort to take the time off, which I did becuase he wanted me with him. I have a big family occassion coming up in the next month and I really wanted him to come with me, as I'm tired of turning up without him. He promised me he'd come this time, but today told me it wasn't looking good. He has children to support financially and I fully understand that their welfare comes first, but he's been doing a lot of work and is fine financially at the moment, He told me he's thinking of going on a lads weekend in July which would have him miss 5 nights of work. I asked him how he'd cope with losing the work and he told me "aw sometimes you can't worry about these things when you really want to do something." I'm starting to boil, in four years together we've not had a holiday or a trip, we've planned a million and he's had to back out of them all, I know its not a huge thing but I love him, and want him with me from time to time... What to do?

LostinBlanch

From a male perspective, no you're not being unreasonable? On a first reading I thought it was something to do with your family, maybe he didn't like them or is uncomfortable at meeting them. But then I reread it and saw that you haven't gone away together at all! Four years and not gone away even for a weekend, while he can plan lads weekends away. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it sounds like you are way down his list of priorities. TBH it sounds like he needs to grow up, or a reality check.

I think you need to sit him down and discuss this with him as calmly as you can. I'm sure others on here will give you more advice on how to do that.

Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

Yeh, that's how it makes me feel, like I don't matter as much as other things in his life. I mean a million times he's spoken about us going somewhere, doing something, lifes to short so forth and so on, but it never materialises, I used to get all excited and start to plan things but at this stage I barely react to these little proclaimations. I understand he has children, and they are, and always will be his top priority, he's a wonderful father and that's one thing I love about him, but I always seem to come last, after work and mens weekends away, which in fairness don't happen very often. I'd bend over backwards to help him out and always make a huge effort when he has family over, but I'm starting to feel like I get nothing in return and am at a eugh.. Why bother stage now...

shellyboo

I see why you'd feel hurt. Maybe say it to him in a non-confrontational way? Don't make it an argument, don't ask him not to go, but just say "It makes me feel hurt that you'd take time off to go away with your friends but you haven't been able to do the same for me."

He might think you don't mind...