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What can I do about it?

  • 19-01-2010 2:55pm
    #1
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭


    Theres really nothing to complain about my bf except one thing which really bugs me and thats
    He is very ..... MESSY!
    I've said it to him a few times and all but its the same.
    What can i do about it? I dont want to tolerate it and look after him like a maid or anything
    I dont want to be at him either cause thats just pure annoying.
    Any suggestions?


Comments

  • #2
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    Can i ask is his extremely messy or are you extremely tidy? One persons mess is another persons tidy and this is why I ask.

    Do you live with your boyfriend? and if not is he messy at your house too?


  • #3
    ConsiderThis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 230 ✭✭ConsiderThis


    jokerrus wrote: »
    Theres really nothing to complain about my bf except one thing which really bugs me and thats
    He is very ..... MESSY!
    I've said it to him a few times and all but its the same.
    What can i do about it? I dont want to tolerate it and look after him like a maid or anything
    I dont want to be at him either cause thats just pure annoying.
    Any suggestions?

    You have to discuss it with him, and discuss how its not acceptable to you to live in his mess.

    If he is unwililng to do anything about it, I suggest you buy a roll of black sacks, and use one a day in which you place all the stuff he leaves scattered about your joint living areas, and then place the sacks somewhere out of sight. Really, there is no excuse for being a pig, especially if one lives with someone else, and its not unreasonable for you not to want to live in his filth.


  • #4
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    jokerrus wrote: »
    What can i do about it??

    deal with it, or dump him. It's your problem, not his, I'm afraid.


  • #5
    ConsiderThis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 230 ✭✭ConsiderThis


    tbh wrote: »
    deal with it, or dump him. It's your problem, not his, I'm afraid.

    In one sense you are right, but in another sense if you live with others you also have a duty towards them. Its not acceptable to live with others and be messy.


  • #6
    Danniboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Danniboo


    tbh wrote: »
    deal with it, or dump him. It's your problem, not his, I'm afraid.

    If someone else doesn't clean up after themselves it's them with the problem. OP, my bf is the same i'm afraid. I'm blue in the face with it, keep at it my bf is starting to get better slowly but surely.


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  • #7
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭jokerrus


    Barracudaincork wrote: »
    Can i ask is his extremely messy or are you extremely tidy? One persons mess is another persons tidy and this is why I ask.

    Do you live with your boyfriend? and if not is he messy at your house too?

    Well I have a standard but not enough to say i'm extremely tidy or anything.
    He doesnt live with me but stays over like 3 to 4 times a week.
    I dont know whether its me or what but i cant stand having a dirty kitchen. I hate finding bread crumbs or pizza cheese lying around. Half washed dishes and clothes thrown on the floor

    There is a huge difference between having him around and not.

    As for himself, his room is relatively clean but thats cause his mother is around and probably does it for him.

    Hes the type that could tolerate half melted chocolate in his car tat has been frozen up for weeks and it could remain there for god knows when.

    I'm not asking him to be a saint and all. Just dont leave too much work for me to do.
    Any ideas ?:(


  • #8
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Danniboo wrote: »
    If someone else doesn't clean up after themselves it's them with the problem. .

    Not at all. The problem is unhappiness. The boyfriend is messy, but he's happy. the girlfriend is unhappy. She's already asked to boyf to be more tidy and he won't or can't. Therefore, to solve her problem, she either needs to deal with it, or change boyfriend. Your solution, persistent nagging, is another alternative but generally doesn't work too well.

    btw, the boyfs behaviour would be a problem for me too. I'd solve that problem by not putting up with it.


  • #9
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    jokerrus wrote: »
    I'm not asking him to be a saint and all. Just dont leave too much work for me to do.
    Any ideas ?:(

    tell him you're walking unless he cleans up his act. Mean it. One way or another, your problem will be over.


  • #10
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭jokerrus


    Danniboo wrote: »
    If someone else doesn't clean up after themselves it's them with the problem. OP, my bf is the same i'm afraid. I'm blue in the face with it, keep at it my bf is starting to get better slowly but surely.
    Fair play to ya for putting up with it and congrats on his improvements.
    Wish i could say the same for myself.


  • #11
    Danniboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Danniboo


    I love the way you use the term "nagging". My bf wants us to move in together and i've told him not gonna happen unless he brightens his ideas.


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  • #12
    extra-ordinary_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,994 ✭✭✭extra-ordinary_


    My ex-partner was like this and I found it really got me down over time to the point of me resenting her and having less respect for her.


  • #13
    Danniboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Danniboo


    extra-ordinary_ wrote: »
    My ex-partner was like this and I found it really got me down over time to the point of me resenting her and having less respect for her.

    It's so true, it does get to you. I don't enjoy staying in my bfs house as much anymore as there's always stuff thrown around his room and I don't sleep well, unless the room is tidy. Yes I know im a freak, but its true.


  • #14
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    jokerrus wrote: »
    Well I have a standard but not enough to say i'm extremely tidy or anything.
    He doesnt live with me but stays over like 3 to 4 times a week.
    I dont know whether its me or what but i cant stand having a dirty kitchen. I hate finding bread crumbs or pizza cheese lying around. Half washed dishes and clothes thrown on the floor


    OP thats not messy, that living like a pig, big difference!

    Mess is something that is untidy and not in order ie clothes on the floor

    Filth is bread crumbs etc on the floor ready for the wee little mices to tuck into.

    I bet he also is one of these guys who believes that the shower is self cleaning!!!!

    How can you deal with this? Well if there is no chance you are thinking of breaking up over this then you need to sit him down as an adult and tell him exactly how you feel, without nagging or without glossing over the issue either, open and honest is the only way to go.


  • #15
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭jokerrus


    what did you do ?
    just tolerate it ?
    As you can see, they were suggesting getting rid of the chap but thats a bit extreme (IMO).
    Theres no major flaw in him or anything and i wouldnt be able to. just want a peaceful solution


  • #16
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Danniboo wrote: »
    I love the way you use the term "nagging". My bf wants us to move in together and i've told him not gonna happen unless he brightens his ideas.

    well...
    I'm blue in the face with it, keep at it my bf is starting to get better slowly but surely.

    what would you call it?

    I mean, fair play for sticking up for yourself, and I respect your choice, but what you are doing is nagging by anyones definition.


  • #17
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭jokerrus


    Barracudaincork wrote: »
    you need to sit him down as an adult and tell him exactly how you feel, without nagging or without glossing over the issue either, open and honest is the only way to go.

    I might try it and see what happens. I mean noones perfect and i'm sure he has to put up with me as well. :(
    Thanks anyway guys.


  • #18
    Danniboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Danniboo


    Nagging it may be, but if he's staying with me and I have the place tidy I shouldn't have to put up with his mess. It's the not the 1930's where women stay home and clean up and make apple tarts, and the men go out to work all day. Though I do think that this is deeply engrained in some mens psyche. Just a couple of week ago I stood on a shirt of his and he said Jeez your standing on my good shirt, get it off the f***n floor then. :rolleyes:


  • #19
    jokerrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭jokerrus


    Danniboo wrote: »
    get it off the f***n floor then. :rolleyes:
    :D I like it !


  • #20
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    jokerrus wrote: »
    I might try it and see what happens. I mean noones perfect and i'm sure he has to put up with me as well. :(
    Thanks anyway guys.


    Your right your not perfect, but you arent asking him to be either, you arent asking for everything to be clean, tidy, neat and in alphabetical order, you just want a normal standard of tidyness etc


  • #21
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Danniboo wrote: »
    Nagging it may be, but if he's staying with me and I have the place tidy I shouldn't have to put up with his mess. It's the not the 1930's where women stay home and clean up and make apple tarts, and the men go out to work all day. Though I do think that this is deeply engrained in some mens psyche. Just a couple of week ago I stood on a shirt of his and he said Jeez your standing on my good shirt, get it off the f***n floor then. :rolleyes:

    lol, good on ya :)

    Don't get me wrong, I'm on the OP's side. I just think if yer man refuses to tidy up after himself, she could be banging her head off a brick wall for years to come, and the only person it'll affect is herself.


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  • #22
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I think you should sit him down and let him know how frustrated you are getting. He may want to be really untidy but when living with someone, especially in a relationship, then compromises have to be made. Find a middle ground, try and let some go and make sure he agrees to be more tidy in the areas that really bother you.

    I don't think there is any point leaving it or doing it for him as it will just build up resentment - and he needs to know that in the long run his laziness is going to ruin a good relationship.


  • #23
    Danniboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Danniboo


    tbh wrote: »
    lol, good on ya :)

    Don't get me wrong, I'm on the OP's side. I just think if yer man refuses to tidy up after himself, she could be banging her head off a brick wall for years to come, and the only person it'll affect is herself.


    You're dead right there.


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