Really worried about ex girlfriend

LegacyUser

So i broke up with my ex at the end of november but we see each other every day because we are in the same class so we try to get along. I just came back from holidays on sunday and she rang me and was chatting away. Then she kept asking me if i had slept with someone and after a good 30 minutes i told her i had because i knew she would have found out from someone else.

Now she is in such a bad order that I am really worried she is going to hurt herself. She'll still talk to me on the phone and she is hysterical all the time. She wont come into college and wont eat. I feel so bad for what i have done because its not worth this. I have no idea what to do, or if I actually can do anything. If she hated me forever after this it would be fine as long as she was ok. I am really worried about her. What do I do?

Sanjuro

To be honest, OP, my first reaction is to say leave her be and she'll eventually cop on. I was in a situation with an ex who threatened self-harm, harm to me, tried emotional blackmail and all manner of stuff, and it took a solid four or five months of me literally ignoring every single communication she made with me for her to back off and leave me be. This kind of hysterical behavior is really not your problem, although fair dues to you for caring.

Is there a friend of hers, or maybe a family member you know that you can talk to? As her ex, it's incredibly difficult for you to do something to help her. She's obviously still heavily emotionally invested in you, and any attempt you make to help her will just feed into this. If there isn't anyone you can talk to about her, then there's not much you can do for her. She obviously still held out hope for the two of you and finds the thought of this not happening crushing. She will eventually cop on and see clearly. But if, and that's a big if, she did do something to herself, you have no need to feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.

LegacyUser

hi op

yes i would agree here too, i have to say that if you try to help - she may see this as something more, and in turn you will only hurt her more (unintentionally)

if there is a family member or a close friend of hers in college you could talk to then let them know whats going on with her,, After this I would take a step back and have no further phone conversations with her or anything outside of what you would do in college,,

shes clinging to false hope at the moment, she will get over this but she needs time.. dont put yourself down over this as people break up all the time and dont expect this sort of a reaction,,,

best of luck to you xx

sam34

you are not responsible for her actions.

if she chooses to self harm, thats her choice.

do not let yourself be manipulated or emotionally blackmailed into anything

ManOfMystery

First off OP, there's no reason for you to feel bad. You're single, you slept with someone else ..... there's nothing wrong with that. Your ex wanted to know and you were honest with her, so if her reaction is a bit OTT that's HER problem.

I agree with the posters above - just leave her to it. I had an ex who threatened suicide, made up rape story for attention, told me she would get me sacked from my job, etc ................... all because our relationship had reached it's natural end. I never did anything bad to her. Needless to say the suicide never happened, the rape allegation was a pack of lies, and I'm still in my same job.

Best thing you can do for her is not have any contact, as desperate exes perceive friendly contact as a sign that there's still hope of a reconciliation.

unattendedbag

Agree with the above posters.
You cant be held responsible for her actions. From what you've said you have done nothing wrong so you can continue with your life and let her get over you in her own way. and dont feel that you are stopping her going to class or from eating. Anyone can see that whatever actions she takes are her own decisions.

AnonoBoy

This isn't your fault. You can't control or be responsible for everyone.

You're broken up with this girl and as long as you weren't leading her on with promises of a reconciliation then you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.

Staying friends with someone after breaking up is often a bad idea and can sometimes lead to this sort of situation. But there's nothing you can do now about that.

I would advise not to keep in touch with her as she will only see this as justifying her behaviour - if she acts up you will pay her attention.

Although having a word with a friend of hers about your worries might not be a bad idea but you really should leave it at that.

Without wanting to be patronising I have to say - you're in school or college and many people at that age are just finding their feet emotionally. People say and do crazy things when they're young. And take this from someone who has both done and had done to him absolutely crazy things - as you get older you will realise that these things are mostly done for attention seeking purposes.

Good luck OP. And remember, as long as you're honest with people you'll be ok.