What do you think?

LegacyUser

Right, here is the story: I'm with my partner two years, we haven't moved in yet - although he wants to, long story... mostly my issues... I was with someone else when I met him and its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it. For this reason and a few others, there are frustrations between us.

Yesterday, I was making dinner and we were arguing. It started as 'joking' and then became serious. Either one of us could have snapped out of it at any time, maybe it was mostly me being difficult but maybe both of us. So then we sit down with dinner in front of the tv and we're still arguing. Tempers got out of hand. We were both shouting and I hit him. I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it. He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me. He kicked my arm and today it is bruised. Not badly but still bruised.

Of course we both cried for a bit, apologised and made up.

I'm not sure how much of a big deal this is. Can anyone advise?

LegacyUser

hi,

what are the two of you even doing together, arguing as a joke, then getting seroious, then fighting,,, either go your seperate ways because ye clearly dont bring out the best in each other, or stay with him cause with the way the two of ye acted i cant really see anyone else putting up with either one of ye,,,

omahaid

I would consider it a big deal if I was him, an attack from my partner would leave me shocked. If one party feels it ok to introduce violence into a relationship then I can't feel sorry if it is reciprocated.

Ye should probably let it go, ye both did wrong. In future try not to hit him.

Barracudaincork

unregistered wrote: »

its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it.

Its taken two years and you still dont know! That would be a big concern for me if i was your partner too.

unregistered wrote: »

I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it. He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me.

If this is really what your relationship is like (as you have hit him before) then i have to ask why on earth do you want this type of relationship? Why does he?

For your sake and your OH sake, finish this before the violence gets worse and someone gets more than just a bruise, and by that i mean either of you, you are as capable of inflicting damage as your OH. This isnt what happiness and healthy realtionships are made of.

Memnoch

unregistered wrote: »

Right, here is the story: I'm with my partner two years, we haven't moved in yet - although he wants to, long story... mostly my issues... I was with someone else when I met him and its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it. For this reason and a few others, there are frustrations between us.

Yesterday, I was making dinner and we were arguing. It started as 'joking' and then became serious. Either one of us could have snapped out of it at any time, maybe it was mostly me being difficult but maybe both of us. So then we sit down with dinner in front of the tv and we're still arguing. Tempers got out of hand. We were both shouting and I hit him. I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it. He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me. He kicked my arm and today it is bruised. Not badly but still bruised.

Of course we both cried for a bit, apologised and made up.

I'm not sure how much of a big deal this is. Can anyone advise?

The hitting definitely crossed a line and was bad form from both of you (more you since you initiated it), but that doesn't mean you should end the relationship. I would however, strongly suggest counselling, it will give you a neutral controlled environment in which to air out your views and to really help get a grasp of where the other is coming from. It will also help to lay common ground on which you can compromise and help you both learn techniques to better communicate with each other so that the tensions between you don't become so combustible.

It's a lot of work, it's up to the both of you to decide whether your relationship is worth the effort. Otherwise, there's a strong chance things will continue to deteriorate as the communication between the two of you doesn't seem to be good.

I'm not trying to excuse your behaviour, but everyone makes mistakes, just promise yourself it will never happen again, and if it does, that SHOULD be the end of the relationship.

LegacyUser

i would say it is a big deal - that is not healthy - and not acceptable for either or ye - especially if it is out of character for ye both - and if it is not, then thats not healthy either - nobody has the right to hit anyone..

and i'd say this is a reflection of perhaps a dysfunctional relationship - just my opinion on what i have read from your post

vandermeyde

unregistered wrote: »

its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it.

after two years, if you're still working on it I would imagine you aint going to find whatever it is you're looking for with your current beau.

extra-ordinary_

Stop wasting any more time - go get relationship counselling as you both obviously have issues with each other, and sort out what you need to do about the relationship. Either end it or work at it.

LegacyUser

Hi folks, I am the OP.

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure the situation requires counselling as yet - this was an isolated incident. But it has given both of us a shock and we are talking about how to never let it reach that stage again. My OH feels awful but I can't help thinking it was my fault. As a poster said, it was me who introduced the violence.

Anyway, won't do it again! Thanks.

booksale

OP,

if you have been spending two years and still dont really know he is what you really want, do you think it's fair to yourself and your partner to be still together?

sugardan

unregistered wrote: »

Right, here is the story: I'm with my partner two years, we haven't moved in yet - although he wants to, long story... mostly my issues... I was with someone else when I met him and its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it. For this reason and a few others, there are frustrations between us.

Yesterday, I was making dinner and we were arguing. It started as 'joking' and then became serious. Either one of us could have snapped out of it at any time, maybe it was mostly me being difficult but maybe both of us. So then we sit down with dinner in front of the tv and we're still arguing. Tempers got out of hand. We were both shouting and I hit him. I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it. He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me. He kicked my arm and today it is bruised. Not badly but still bruised.

Of course we both cried for a bit, apologised and made up.

I'm not sure how much of a big deal this is. Can anyone advise?

Violence is not acceptable in any fashion in a relationship.
I would die before i'd lay a finger on a woman. this relationship
sounds self destructive. You also seem unsure you want to be with him which
is probably causing these frustrations, i'd strongly suggest counselling.

muboop1

unregistered wrote: »

Hi folks, I am the OP.

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure the situation requires counselling as yet - this was an isolated incident. But it has given both of us a shock and we are talking about how to never let it reach that stage again. My OH feels awful but I can't help thinking it was my fault. As a poster said, it was me who introduced the violence.

Anyway, won't do it again! Thanks.

Honestly OP he likely feels awful because he is a lad, and we tend to view hitting girls as terrible. But realistically, you hit him, and not the first incident. You... you do not deserve to be hit back, but thats only because nobody deserves to be hit... actually no thats not true... you damn well deserved it.

I personally think being slapped in the face is one of the most disrespectful thing a partner can do in anger.

It is not his fault.

If you ever raise your hand to him again you need to walk away from this relationship or next time you might not be able to walk!

How Strange

unregistered wrote: »

I hit him. I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it. He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me. He kicked my arm and today it is bruised. Not badly but still bruised.

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure the situation requires counselling as yet

You're in a relationship that you're half hearted about. You resort to slapping and physical abuse to make your points. Why would you even consider counselling. You'd just be trying to prolong a bad relationship.

this was an isolated incident.

No it wasn't, you said you did this once before so it's not isolated.

My OH feels awful but I can't help thinking it was my fault. As a poster said, it was me who introduced the violence.

Yes, you started it but both of you are at fault.

Do each other a favour and separate before it escalates. You both crossed the line and IMO you can't go back. At some stage in the future you'll have another bickering session and one or the other will resort to violence to make their point.

Wagon

unregistered wrote: »

Right, here is the story: I'm with my partner two years, we haven't moved in yet - although he wants to, long story... mostly my issues... I was with someone else when I met him and its taken me time to work out who and what I want, still working on it. For this reason and a few others, there are frustrations between us.

Two bloody years and you still don't know what you want? Are you taking the piss?

Yesterday, I was making dinner and we were arguing. It started as 'joking' and then became serious. Either one of us could have snapped out of it at any time, maybe it was mostly me being difficult but maybe both of us. So then we sit down with dinner in front of the tv and we're still arguing. Tempers got out of hand. We were both shouting and I hit him. I slapped his head. I did this once before but this time I didn't apologise and acted cheeky about it.

Ah here. That's just out of line. And it was done before. and why didnt you apologise?

He kept talking for awhile, shocked, and then I said something and he kicked me. He kicked my arm and today it is bruised. Not badly but still bruised.

Way out of line too but lets face it, it's your fault.

I'm not sure how much of a big deal this is. Can anyone advise?

Let me summerise this

you've been with him 2 years and still dont know if you love him (or you don't know "who you are". load of **** by the way)
This caused lots of fights and he is losing his patience because of it.
You keep him around for some reason.
You have a fight and rather than sort it out you smack him one (again) and then act like a bítch.
he kicks you in return (very shítty thing to do)

but overall, it sounds like the chap is completely losing his mind and it's your fault. Break up with him.

Peggypeg

unregistered wrote: »

Hi folks, I am the OP.

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure the situation requires counselling as yet - this was an isolated incident. But it has given both of us a shock and we are talking about how to never let it reach that stage again. My OH feels awful but I can't help thinking it was my fault. As a poster said, it was me who introduced the violence.

Anyway, won't do it again! Thanks.

Just have to comment on the above, yes it was your fault. You can't expect to hit someone and not have them hit you back. I feel more sorry for him to be honest, it's bred into men to see hitting women as the scummiest thing you can do, that's what you drove him to.

If I were you I would get into councelling, if after 2 years you still don't know who or what you want then previous relationship is obviously something you have not dealt with or moved on from. You said you've done hit him before so it's not an isolated incident, being a woman does not excuse violence or make it any less serious.

Apologise and for both your sakes get into councelling.

If I was messed up enough to hit the man I love then I'd accept the responsibility to go and figure out why and how to not do it again. Playing it down as you have above just makes it even worse.