back in the game again...so unsure

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

posted on here recently about my recent break up (about 6 weeks ago). was from a long term relationship since we were very young.

Am delighted to say that I have finally moved on and am now really into someone else. So here's the story and my question.

We are friends from work but only know each other a few months. had a bit of flirting. went out as frends with frends a few times. and ended up kissin at weekend. things got a bit heated and we went a bit further but didnt sleep together.

we were in work today together and things were fine (apart from initial awkward hello). we were not alone at any stage to talk about things so we have not talked about what is gonna happen. what do I do? really want to see where this goes but dont want to appear pushy or clingy. also dont want to slip back into 'just frends' either. he made all the moves before so worried if i dont make a move he might not think im interested.

eeeek! help

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I hate that stage myself...do they like me etc...
Just make sure you are 100% over your long term relationship, and its not a re bound thing, it will only make you more insecure if it doesnt work out.
But if you are sure you want this then go for it...ask him out on a date...

good luck.

unattendedbag

Firstly are you sure about dating someone you work with? I hate to be 'Negative Norman' but make sure you think about what would happen if you did go out for a bit and it didnt work out, or if he got what he wanted and then spreads his story all around the workplace.

If your sure you want to go ahead and bring it furthur then try and talk to him casually on his own to see if he's still interested in you and then suggest a night out or something for just the two of you.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thanks guys for the advice. I am over the other relationship. i know it was never going to work and I've had my time to deal with it.

I'm defo gonna make a go of it. Really hoping he will make a move but if he doesn;t I think I will. How long should I wait do you reckon?

LegacyUser

So update.

In work again today. We had time on our own - NOTHIN said about what happened or follow up date etc. He is super busy with a thing in work (can't say or profession would be too obvious as would situation potentially)

So where do I stand? Am afraid if I try make a move I will seem to eager but since he's made all the moves in the past if I dont he'll think I'm not interested.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! help!

unattendedbag

if he's super busy with overtime, extra work or stress levels then maybe he doesnt have time for a relationship. But he has plenty of free time outside the normal 40 hours a week then no reason why you's shouldnt be able to have time together.
Traditionally guys are the chasers. They are the ones to ask out the women, collect her and organise the date, etc... the women just come along and be impressed. But in this day and age its perfectly acceptable to push it along yourself and give him the nudge. If that means suggesting a date or asking him out then so be it. If you have enough courage then go for it, as some guys (including me) never get the whole subtle hints thing or can never tell if a girl is interested in them.

K-9

6 weeks is far too short to be over most relationships.

If it was me and I knew the details, I'd think rebound.

LegacyUser

Myself and my ex knew it wasn't workin for a long time. we didnt sleep together in over a year before the break up so its not a rebound thing. I genuinely really like this guy though and did even before the break up.

The work involved is outside of work hours and could take hours and hours each day (really cant say much more bout it). he will be busy for next 3 weeks or so I think. he also is from Cork and goes home some weekends. I today found out he is going home this weekend so I guess me asking him out is prob out of question for this week

DD

I'd probably wait for him to do another move. If I'd be ready to start a new thing again, I'd wait for him to do the next move. It's better sometimes just to give a hint but not doing more.

it worked for me in the past

LegacyUser

DD wrote: »

I'd probably wait for him to do another move. If I'd be ready to start a new thing again, I'd wait for him to do the next move. It's better sometimes just to give a hint but not doing more.

it worked for me in the past

yeah im kind of leanin towards that. I mean if he really likes me surely he will??? Finding it really hard to send him signals. Because of nature of our work it would be super inappropriate to be flirty in work. He made all the moves before so really hopin he doesn't take this up as that I'm not into him.

Gillo

Why would it be inappropriate in work? Even a friendly joke in the canteen. From what you're saying though maybe he's not interested, sorry don't want to sound doubtful but better to but your loses now than set yourself up for heartbreak later. It does sound a bit like rebound. How long were you in the previous relationship?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I'm not going to tell you it's a rebound, you would know yourself if it was. I'm with my Boyfriend 3 & 1/2 years and I got with him a couple of months after breaking up with my previous partner of 5 years, people might have thought it was a rebound but time has proven otherwise. I'm so glad I chased my bf, not going to lie, I saw him and thought "oh my god, who is that hunk" so I went where I knew he would be and made friends with him and thankfully we got together and as they say the rest is history. He is the best boyfriend I've ever had or could have, he's so supportive, loving, affectionate, honest, generous and the list goes on, if I had asked people's advise I'm sure people would have told me to give it more time. So from my experience if you like someone you should defo go for it. Don't be waiting for him to make the move, it's 2010 for Christ's sake, you know what you want and you should have the courage to go for it and not be waiting around for the man to take the lead. Women aren't the passive little wall flowers they used to have to be, thankfully nowadays (the vast majority of) men have more sense than to even want that anyway. Tell him that you know he's very busy at the moment and ask him when he has more free time would he like to go for a drink or the cinema? The worst that will happen is he'll say no, no shame in that. Best that'll happen? You'll both be perfect for each other and make each other stupidly happy, weigh it up, it's totally worth the tiny risk of a bit of embarrassment.

Go for it!!

magneticimpulse

1. He made an excuse that he is too busy to meet you....no guy is ever too busy to meet someone they like so this means hes just not that into you.
2. You would have been on a follow up date if it was going to go anywhere
3. Its never a good idea to date people from work as other colleagues get involved and put forward their idea's. For example if someone else fancies you in work, they would bitch about you to this guy as to put him off you. Ive seen it happen all too many times. Work people just like to butt in and gossip about relationships with work people.

Gillo

Have to say I agree with the previous poster, also going from my own past experience admittedly it was a different situation but could have sworn I was in love with someone last summer it turned out I definetly wasn't. That's the proplem with the rebound it feels great bacause it's covering the pain of the break-up.