Why can't she be intimate?

Drexler

Hi there I have been on a few dates with a woman in her late 20s. Everything has gone swimmingly but although I feel that she does like me, she never shows any affection. She will kiss at the end of the night but her hands are practically by her side.

Recently she elected to stay in my house. I didn't expect anything and did not push, she stayed in my bed but remained fully clothed and kept her hands completely to herself, even though she was the one who asked to stay over.

I have always been a gentleman with her as I sensed there was a need to be delicate but now I feel that she has intimacy issues, though I don't know her well enough to be psychoanalysing her.

In any case, I feel that her lack of affection and reluctance to be intimate is impeding the development of us as a potential couple. I have never encountered it before, I know that some women are conservative about sex but they can still be quite affectionate. Here there is nothing.

The worst part is, we will have a non-intimate situation, which I find very weird, and she will get in touch the next day or whatever as if everything is fine and nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

Anybody got any advice?

Jemmy

Going to be very blunt here...why are you asking us why she can't be intimate? All we can do is guess but could be completely wrong. She may have issues, she may have had something happen in the past.

We can't tell you, you'll have to ask her! It's not hard to ask these questions.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Have you tried initiating anything with her? As a girl who is currently spending time with an absolute gent, I do find it hard to be the one that decides the next move all the time. To the extent that, to be honest, I felt like some kind of whore and have since decided to be stubbon and wait for him to take control from now on.. Don't get me wrong - I really appreciate the way this guy treats me and his impeccable manners etc.. But it does defintely leave one wondering as to the nature of his feeling towards you.

I would suggest that her staying over means she does want more and that is as explicit as she is likely to get..

Miss Fluff

Drexler wrote: »

Recently she elected to stay in my house. I didn't expect anything and did not push, she stayed in my bed but remained fully clothed and kept her hands completely to herself, even though she was the one who asked to stay over.

She is very obviously expecting you to make the next move. Think you're jumping the gun a bit re intimacy issues :eek:, seems like you haven't even tried it on with her. Wouldn't be surprised if I see a corresponding thread being started with "I'm giving this guy all the signals, why won't he make a move.....?"

Seriously OP, time to get jiggy with it imho...

Drexler

I did try it on, yes, but she still seemed extremely shy. I had never encountered it before and was a little confused so I decided to post here. Anyway thanks for all your thoughts, I should just take it up with her directly.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I could be this girl you're with. My take on it is as follows:
She deffo likes you, the fact she contacts you the next day or whatever, means she does. the fact she's shy with you re. physical-ness, tells me that she probably lacks confidence and experience in this area. i know it might be hard to believe, as she's in late 20's but still, give her a chance. you don't know her background. maybe she's not had a serious relationship before, she's inexperienced and needs you to lead the way. Don't be taking it as she's not into you. Also, if she was more experienced she would not resist your advances. She's probably a lovely girl, but needs a little practise in this area, and it's all a bit awkward for her.
If I met a nice guy now and liked him, I'd want to go home with him, not to have sex, but cos I like him, I want to prolong time spent with him... that's probably why she seems happy to go home with you, but won't go that far with you cos she's little scared and it will take time. I bet she is self conscious, and probably picked up on the fact that you noticed her shyness etc, this could in turn make her even more shy, awkward. I also reckon the fact that she's good at texting,talking the next day means she's keen to keep it going, but isn't very good at communicating this with you face to face/body to body.
Maybe talking about this is a good idea, but not to put her on the spot, cos as I said, she probably feels a bit embarrassed, and lacking confidence, so bringing her shyness up might embarrass her.
So, I think you basically need to relax, and be really patient with her if you can. If you can give her encouragement, tell her you like her, and would like to spend more time with her, maybe coming over to each other places to watch dvds etc, relax her a bit, instead of going out.
you know yourself...(as you seem v nice).

unattendedbag

How long have you been going out with her? Its not uncommon for ladies to be onservative on a physical level during the early stage of a relationship. Dont be surprised if you have to wait a few months before getting sex from her. Some girls put out on the first night and others wait a long time until they are sure. If you have only been on a few dates then keep it going and try to connect with her on an emotional level. Keep building up the emotional connection and the rest will follow naturally. Eventually it will become clear if she's worth the pursuit.

Pinkpuppy

I'd swear you were talkin about my friend but she is now in a long term relationship. She was quite like the girl you describe.even the lying in bed with hands to her side etc etc. I def would not suggest making the move on her in bed. If she is like my friend then she may have trust issues. Her boyfriend now was very patient and did not push her,although in saying that once he gained her respect and trust he did manage to take her out of this zone and when they are alone or in private she is very intimate with him. She still wouldn't be keen on public displays of affection but everyone differs on what is exceptable when it comes to that. He has now managed to get her to hold his hand in public by doing so when they weren't local. Just don't force her. Take it slowly. Good luck :-)

globemaster1986

The description reminds me of this French Chick that was in an episode of Two and a Half Men. Charlie was seeing her and let Alan "steal" her off him. At the end she hops in the leaba beside Alan, pulls down a pair of thoses sleeping goggles:D (no idea what its really called!) lies on her back completely rigid and tells him to have his way with her!

I know thats TV but if its anything like that I wouldn't blame the OP for his thoughts! You'll have to ask her dude

Gyalist

I have twice experienced almost identical situations. In both cases it turned out that they had been sexually abused as children. The no kissing/lack of affection is usually the giveaway.

aidan24326

Gyalist wrote: »

I have twice experienced almost identical situations. In both cases it turned out that they had been sexually abused as children. The no kissing/lack of affection is usually the giveaway.

She might just be very shy, it doesn't have to have anything to do with abuse. You're jumping the gun a bit there.

OP, if I was you I'd talk to her about this. You saying nothing and just going along with it is not helping. You need to be straight with her and it might be that she just needs a bit of encouragement and to be brought about of her shell a bit. If you still feel you're getting nowhere after that then maybe she's not the girl for you. I know personally I couldn't be with someone who was that conservative about sexual matters, not unless she opened up a bit anyway (no pun intended :-) )