Ex advice

LegacyUser

Me and my ex broke up about a month ago. For about the last 2 weeks we have been talkin every day. I pitched it to her that since we have been gettin on so well again and really enjoying meeting up maybe we could take it slow and try make something happen.

She gave me reasons why she wouldnt and I gave her reasons why she should. In the end she said she wasnt able to say yes or no and I suggested that we keep seeing each other and just see if something happens and she agreed to this.

Basically I want her back and need advice on what I should do. Thanks.

Firetrap

I think you should leave her alone and not be putting her under pressure. You've said your piece and she can make up her own mind from here. If she decides that she doesn't want to be with you again, respect her decision and don't start pitching all those reasons again. Just bear in mind that you can't make someone love you.

LegacyUser

well thats what i have been stressing, that there is no pressure. she told me she still has feelings for me and right now all im doing is helping bring those out even more.

Wibbs

Needsadvice wrote: »

She gave me reasons why she wouldnt and I gave her reasons why she should. In the end she said she wasnt able to say yes or no and I suggested that we keep seeing each other and just see if something happens and she agreed to this.

IMHO reasons mean feck all. People either feel it or not. Again IMH what may be happening is that shes no longer interested in a relationship, but wants to keep you as a friend. So she'll not give you a yes or no answer to this stuff. It'll be all maybes. In much the same way that you don't want to scare her away. You're both looking for something from the other, but it may be a different something.

Now she says she still has feelings for you. Im sure she does, but currently anyway they're not relationship feelings. If they were you wouldnt be here.

Basically I want her back and need advice on what I should do. Thanks.

What Firetrap said really. It goes against instinct but your best bet is to back right off. It seems logical to keep in there, but it usually goes against the person trying to salvage a relationship. While you cant convince someone to love you, you can convince them they made the right decision to leave you. Hanging out of her everyday gives her no reason to go back to you. She has you and shes free of the relationship. Best of both worlds as it were. Give her the gift of missing you.

How long were you together and I presume she broke up with you? Chances are if it was any sort of long termer she's been thinking about this long before the split. Figure out why the split happened. There's nearly always a reason or a few reasons(and the reasons seem to vary a bit if its a 6 monther compared to a 3 year deal). These build up to the point where one person just doesnt feel it anymore(in a romantic sense). If it's a situational thing then see if you can change that. Even then it can be a case of a too little too late too.

IMHO the best way to work this is to try to move on. Any chance of a reconcilliation will be enhanced by you moving on. You'll seem more attractive if you do that.

LegacyUser

She is always 100% honest about everything and while I respect what you are saying I think its not like this at all.

She said its possible we get back together and part of it does want it but the other still not sure. So im taking it slow and easy.

Thanks.

Wibbs

Needsadvice wrote: »

She is always 100% honest about everything and while I respect what you are saying I think its not like this at all.

She said its possible we get back together and part of it does want it but the other still not sure. So im taking it slow and easy.

Thanks.

Oh Im not suggesting she's not being honest. Not at all. She is from your telling of it. Shes told you she's not sure, but still has feelings for you. The bit shes not sure about IMHO is the idea of being with you romantically longterm. My point is that to get that back she has to see you in the way she used to before this came up. If you're around her too much or smother her for an answer too much this wont happen.

MissyN

Honestly dude someone either wants you or they don't. Its very simple.

She knows how you feel so the balls in her court. I say back off and give her all the space she needs and like it was said above, give her 5 mins to miss you !!

Believe me if she wants you back (properly) then she'll be at your door before you know it. Just please don't let weeks and weeks go by and still have that hope of reconciliation if nothing has progressed. Deep down you'll know it yourself.

I really hope it works out hun. Best of luck.

legend365

Yea MissyN summed it up, try block her out of your head for awhile.

Let her txt you, let her decide on meeting up or not. Maybe you could gauge how she feels from simple things like that, instead of you txting her and invoking a response.