When is it over

LegacyUser

When do you know your relationship is over? How have your relationships ended? I don't mean your OH cheating and things like this but just when did you know your long term four year/ ten year etc relationship was at an end. Was it a case of failed communication? Lack of sex? Why is it so hard to end a long term relationship even though nothing is working?

For me its ending the friendship that's the hardest and the memories of good times, but when is it time to just move on, even though you still really do love the person

It is probably different for everyone, I would just like to hear peoples opinions and what became the last straw of theirs

Thanks.

sugardan

When it's over you'll both know, combination of things increaded arguements, lack of
physical affection and wondering why your still together! Despite this you will
naturally miss the friendship you would have forged.

LegacyUser

Without a doubt, once lack of sex comes into it, that is the end of a meaningful "couple" relationship (albeit pre marriage and children at least IMO)
What is the difference in being best friends with each other and boyfriend/girlfriend??.....................................................Sex.
Once sex is out of the picture on both sides, you are no more than good friends.
Simple as but difficult to deal with for many people that are clinging on hope!!!!!

Wibbs

unregistered wrote: »

Without a doubt, once lack of sex comes into it, that is the end of a meaningful "couple" relationship (albeit pre marriage and children at least IMO)
What is the difference in being best friends with each other and boyfriend/girlfriend??.....................................................Sex.
Once sex is out of the picture on both sides, you are no more than good friends.
Simple as but difficult to deal with for many people that are clinging on hope!!!!!

+ 1000. People give all sorts of reasons and many can be valid, but the sexual bond is where it comes to a head. I've seen people stay with eejits, but they had the attraction thing going on. Ive also seen people leave really nice people simply because they didn feel it in the crotch.

Long termers have a habit of going south around the 3 year mark. I'd reckon the majority actually. If you survive the 3/4 year hump the chances are a lot higher you'll see 10 years together. After the 3/4 year mark, the sex bit has tailed off and the actual practical compatibility comes to the fore. If its one of those relationships then there's something about the other person(I suspect a man in this case) that you know wont work in the very long term.

This comes out in a lack of physical attraction. Usually sneaks up on the person too. One morning they wake up and its just not there anymore. I've even known people (women mostly, but some men too. Men IME tend to be more passive in long termers) who have gone away for a dirty weekend with the partner and in a heartbeat just felt icky if the partner touched them. Like a switch going off. The partner is confused by this and thinks it happened out of the blue, but it hasn't. Its the little things build up and the straw the breaks the camels back.

Now if you have been together for years, you have a lot of shared memories etc. There is a bond there and there's also the echo and memory of the love you once felt. So of course its gonna be hard to walk from that. Many cant and stay in lacklustre relationships on the back of that. Thats a recipe for a dull emotional life.

That said, dont run on the first feeling. Try to work at it for a few months. Let the other person know you're feeling a bit meh about the relationship. If after a few months you're still in the same place then walk.


PS dont look to salvage the friendship right away. Its not fair on the one left behind. Take time and space apart.

LegacyUser

Jees wibbs reading that post broke my heart cause everyword just rang home. Its been 2 months since the love of my life broke it off, we were both in bits but he felt it was the right thing to do. i am still kinda devasted. but your completely right, i think sex became something he just became uncomfortable with. he loved me so much that im guessing he spent a couple of months trying to reassure himself but sex with me just didnt feel didnt feel right for him. when i think about it, it was a build up of little things that i seem clear as daylight to me now but it still doesnt lessen the hurt. hes made the right decision and is all the better for it.....im just lost,bumer.

Damn attraction, goes out like a light! Cheers for the post though, it kinda made things a little clearer for me.