Sick of small town syndrome

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm going unreg for this. I have been seeing a guy who is 8 years older than me for the past 2 years. His ex was a good few years older than him and has a daughter the same age as me who I happened to be good friends with growing up. Thing is his exs daughter has stopped talking to me (used to say hello how are you sort of thing if we bumped into each other). She also deleted me off her friends list on a networking site. His ex is often out in the local nightclub and stares at me as his does her daughter. The ex approached my bf the night we were out for my bday (waited until he went out for a smoke and she went out to the smoking area) and said to him "Oh are you still with that little girl". I'm really sick of their carry on and feel like they think i've done something wrong or something, what are your thoughts on it ?

LegacyUser

He didn't correct her in so much as saying she's woman not a little girl, he just said yes I am and it's her birthday so i'm heading back into her. Not going to get in to tit for tat but she kissed the face off one of her daughters friends whos younger again and yet she can refer to me as a little girl.

You're dead right about me rising above it which is what I have being doing, just a bit annoying.

Ickle Magoo

Another issue with small town syndrome is taking up with a man your friend grew up with as a father, I can see why she's not too impressed with you.

As for her mother, she is obviously still struggling to come to terms with her relationship with this man ending and as she is some way older than you, she is using age as a way of trying to put you down. It's been two years, it's time she got over it.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Another issue with small town syndrome is taking up with a man your friend grew up with as a father, I can see why she's not too impressed with you.

As for her mother, she is obviously still struggling to come to terms with her relationship with this man ending and as she is some way older than you, she is using age as a way of trying to put you down. It's been two years, it's time she got over it.

Sorry I think you have your wires crossed this girl never had him as a father the ex was with him for year at which stage her daugher would have been 21. They had split a year before we got together. I wouldn't consider her daughter a friend from the age of about 9 to 12 we were friends, we're merely acquaintances now.

Ickle Magoo

I can only go on the scant info you provide.

Even so, if a friend/acquaintance of mine started dating a man whom they knew had sex with my mother, I wouldn't want to know them either.

LegacyUser

So from my scant info saying my bfs ex you got that my ex has been a father to her. You're obviously a bit narrow minded yourself.

LegacyUser

And why would you presume I knew they went out together, when we got together?

Ickle Magoo

You are talking about someone you were close friends to growing up and the ex of her mother - it's not rocket science. If you hadn't been friends with her or your fella had a relationship with her mother then it wouldn't be an issue.

Look, the trouble with the small town mentality is it is practically impossible to live a normal life without treading on someone's toes some of the time. There are valid reasons why people feel you are treading on their toes but I think learning to live with the fact you will always be treading on toes because there isn't a large enough pool of people that your actions don't affect anyone you know is just part and parcel of the small town life. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

We were friends when we were kids for about 2 or 3 years hardly growing up together. They were only together a year and had split up a year before I even met him, they've no basis to think i'm treading on their toes.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

OP - you have done nothing wrong at all. So what if this woman went out with him ages ago. They broke up.

I think you should just hold your head high and ignore any little digs, smart comments. Just smile when you see her next. Kill her with kindness

Thanks Sunflower shame you can't get on with your life in peace because people love interfering. The ironic thing is if we were all the same age his ex would be called a **** stirrer, bunny boiler etc but because she's older she thinks this gives her entitlement to interfere.

Ickle Magoo

moraldilemma wrote: »

We were friends when we were kids for about 2 or 3 years hardly growing up together. They were only together a year and had split up a year before I even met him, they've no basis to think i'm treading on their toes.

I hear ya but I can still understand why the old friend deleted you from her networking profile, it's a bit weird someone who used to date your mum dating one of your peers - she's not going to look at your relationship objectively. Some people think that the fact you share a bed with someone they used to, or someone they are close to used to, that you are treading on their toes. In an ideal world - and bigger town - it wouldn't be an issue because the odds of hooking up with someone that used to sleep with someone you knows' mother, would be tiny. The mother is concentrating on your age as a way of trying to take a dig at you and undermine your relationship and if she's still at it after two years, she clearly has some serious issues and is petty and a bunny boiler regardless of her age.

I think you are better off just trying to ignore her, you know you have done nothing wrong, you know the only issue is the small town mentality and the odds that living in a small town bring - both of dating the same guy and bumping into his ex. I think you just have to rise above it. :cool:

magneticimpulse

I can understand how the posters got confused about your ex and "his daughter" as you said

"stares at me as his does her daughter"

reading this sentence initially you think that it is "his daughter" as oppose to just her daughter.

Does it really bother you that much? Are you willing to let it go for the sake of your relationship? If I saw my ex out in a nightclub with another woman, I would (and have done in the past) gone up to them and chatted away. Sometimes there is an outcome for the ex and sometimes there isnt. In your case she didnt get anywhere so I wouldnt worry about or the daughter.

cafecolour

It's an ex. Most of them aren't going to necessarily think kindly of their former partners new girl. Many of them behave far worse than that. Just ignore her.

If it's a small town and she's been behaving how you describe, I'd say she's already has a reputation. You engage with her and everyone will just assume you're on her level.

To put it impolitely - if everyone thinks she's a bit of a knacker, and you start with her, then, well, the only people that fight with knackers are other knackers.

LegacyUser

cafecolour wrote: »

It's an ex. Most of them aren't going to necessarily think kindly of their former partners new girl. Many of them behave far worse than that. Just ignore her.

If it's a small town and she's been behaving how you describe, I'd say she's already has a reputation. You engage with her and everyone will just assume you're on her level.

To put it impolitely - if everyone thinks she's a bit of a knacker, and you start with her, then, well, the only people that fight with knackers are other knackers.

Think you've hit the nail on the head, maybe I can't understand it bcoz I would never behave like this around an ex and his new gf I think you're seriously letting yourself down. Yeah I think she's known alright.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Just an update, the ex's daughter has sent my a friend request on Bebo, was surprised to be honest. Now I'm wondering if she's just doing it so she can have a nose as she'd never send me a message or that?

mood

moraldilemma wrote: »

Hi guys,

Just an update, the ex's daughter has sent my a friend request on Bebo, was surprised to be honest. Now I'm wondering if she's just doing it so she can have a nose as she'd never send me a message or that?

Ignore it.

LegacyUser

I stupidly accepted it thinking she was trying to be civil or something.

mood

Don't post too much personal info on the site. I personally think people say way too much on facebook etc. You need to remember not everyone on it is a proper friend so don't post anything you wouldn't say to them or show them in person.

LegacyUser

I know, im not on it very often, i'd say she's just nosing if I delete her now i'll look petty so i'll just leave it.