Boyfriends best (girl)friend

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Just want an opinion on this any replies are very welcome . Got into a heated discussion tonight with my bf over one of his friends. A short history just before we got together he drunkly snogged his friend from college the girl in question, i know she had a thing for him then, well anyway we are going out 2 and half years now, and she constantly texts him especially when she's drunk saying how much she misses him, gets annoyed with him if they dont see eachother for awhile etc. They even went just the two of them to see one of their other college friends abroad recently. Now i 100% trust my bf the argument was over me saying she obviously has a thing for him and some times i dont feel comfortable with her texting him saying she misses him.

I am just being the typical jealous girlfriend or do i have a right to feel uncomfortable?

Xterminator

Given you trust your boyfriend, and your togther 2 & 1/2 years, and to you believe he has been faithful all that time, i would think you are being over-sensitive.

TBH perhaps its an ego boost for your boyfriend to have her clinging on, or maybe he just doesnt see it that way, he jmight just see her as a friend.

If he behaves like she is just a friend, then i would be inclined to let it be.

Sanjuro

You don't have to trust her. You just have to trust him. If you do, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Faithless

Some people were just not meant to be in a relationship. If I had a similar situation as your boyfriend and loved my girl, then I'd sit down with my friend and tell her about the position I was in. It's easy to sort things out but your boyfriend must take the initiative and not bumble around with his eyes closed.

If he sees that there is something upsetting his girl, he has to sort it out, not you, by fighting with him.

seamus

Sanjuro wrote: »

You don't have to trust her. You just have to trust him. If you do, then there shouldn't be a problem.

^^What this guy says.

Your boyfriend will come into contact with, and befriend, many many women throughout his lifetime. Some of these will be attracted to him, some won't. In any case, you only need to trust your boyfriend to do the right thing.

It is slightly different when the other female friend was there before you were, but you have to remember that if he wanted to go out with her, he would have already done it. He drunkenly snogged her, nothing came of it, therefore they're not interested in a relationship.

Yes it's OK for her to text saying she misses him, provided that they hadn't just seen eachother the day before
Context and tone is so difficult to get across in text - how many times have you told friends (especially when drunk) that you miss them or are looking forward to seeing them? This is no different really, the gender of the friend is irrelevant.

Peggypeg

unreg55 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Just want an opinion on this any replies are very welcome . Got into a heated discussion tonight with my bf over one of his friends. A short history just before we got together he drunkly snogged his friend from college the girl in question, i know she had a thing for him then, well anyway we are going out 2 and half years now, and she constantly texts him especially when she's drunk saying how much she misses him, gets annoyed with him if they dont see eachother for awhile etc. They even went just the two of them to see one of their other college friends abroad recently. Now i 100% trust my bf the argument was over me saying she obviously has a thing for him and some times i dont feel comfortable with her texting him saying she misses him.

I am just being the typical jealous girlfriend or do i have a right to feel uncomfortable?

Hey OP,

I know you're going be told you should trust your bf and so on. I'm not going to tell you the "right" thing to do. There's no point in pretending you're ok with something if you're not. I'm going to tell you what I would do if my boyfriend was seeing a girl that he snogged and went on holidays with and who texts that she misses him. To be completely honest, I would flip out! I'm not saying I'd be justified, I'm just saying I know it would have me worried as hell. Who needs that kind of worry? Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? Have you tried to show him your side, ask him to visualise a male friend of yours texting you to say he misses you, a guy that you kissed once, ask him would it bother him if you went on holiday with him? If you are in a relationship you should come first, your bf should at the very least tell her that he is in a relationship and the texts are inappropriate. I'm trying to be honest with you here. I don't think very many people would be strong enough to watch their OH spend time with someone they've kissed and who obviously had feelings them for at one time. It may be that your OH is getting an ego boost but I think it's at your expense. Talk to him would be my advice.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

I honestly dont think i'm being over-sensitive. I have gone out a couple of times with this girl and she is always all over him, sitting on his knee, pretending to try snog him, i dont find it particulary funny but i have never got angry over it as she was his friend before i met him and i would never want him to stop the friendship.

I have said it to him a couple of times half messing half serious when we wake up in the morning and he has got 10 drunken messages from her and a couple of missed calls. She also doesnt like me very much, i get a very cold shoulder vibe off her whenever i see her.

I have guy mates too and if one of them acted this way towards me he would say the exact same thing to me, not in a jelous way but in a i think you need to sit down with this person and explain things to them.

She still has i thing for him (a girl knows these things!) and we're still in argument mode over it, i didnt want that at all i was just trying to explain that i think he should have a talk with her about her feelings towards him, its being going on over 2 and half years now!

Kimia

How irritating! I would be really annoyed too OP so don't think that you're crazy for feeling this way. God what a b*tch.

You should completely and utterly ignore her. Treat her like she's an irritant. She is doing this because she knows she's wrecking your head and she obviously doesn't think that you're a long termer. If you show that you are WAY too secure to worry about her then you'll kill her confidence.

DO NOT however let her sit on your boyfriend's lap or pretend to kiss him - that is horrifically disrespectful and he should not allow it - he should push her off him or tell her to leave him alone. You can say this to him in a reasonable and fair manner - try and get him to see it from your point of view.

If he continues to let her away with this just make up some excuse as to why you can't go to things where she will be. If you trust your boyfriend this should be fine. You go and have lots of fun with your friends and she can't wreck your head. It may make your blood boil at the thoughts of it, but keep at it and soon you'll see that she's just a sad b*stard who wants your boyfriend.

She will give up eventually. Keep your cool while she plays this out - if your boyfriend genuinely isn't interested in her, no amount of her fawning over him will work. Ignore her. Oh and while ignoring her be ALL over your boyfriend - kis him in front of her, hug, allude to the fantastic sex you've had with him earlier that day. If she hoists herself up on his lap after that she's one sad sad girl who has no dignity and you can just laugh at her.

muboop1

Here lets be honest,

Nobody would be comfortable in that position! Sounds like she is totaly into him.

As for other posters saying you are unreasonable... Its one thing to say you cant help it if his friend fancies him and its ok once he does not reciprocate or lead her on.... But thats not the case is it? It happens right in front of your eyes. And by your bf not stopping it, he is enabling it. Thus he is quite at fault!

I'm guessing this makes you feel insecure and generally quite S**t?

Thats not right. Your his gf of 2 and a half years. You are his priority. He can maintain a good friendship with this lady without having her all over him...

Tell him how you feel!

Make him understand your points!

SarahSassy

unreg55 wrote: »

she is always all over him, sitting on his knee, pretending to try snog him,

He is allowing her do all this stuff knowing it upsets you... YOu are right to keep your cool when she is around but your bf seems to be encouraging her but letting her on his knee and also going away alone with her... Obviously he replies to all her texts or she would have stopped by now...

He needs to change his behaviour. I am not saying for him not to talk to her again but stop going on hols with her and allow her faux snog him....

dirtydress

SarahSassy wrote: »

He is allowing her do all this stuff knowing it upsets you... YOu are right to keep your cool when she is around but your bf seems to be encouraging her but letting her on his knee and also going away alone with her... Obviously he replies to all her texts or she would have stopped by now...

He needs to change his behaviour. I am not saying for him not to talk to her again but stop going on hols with her and allow her faux snog him....

Well, DOES he know that it bothers her? She's mentioned that she jokingly brings it up but maybe he really doesnt know how much it bothers her? Guys can be a bit oblivious in that way and he might be so secure in his feelings for her that he doesnt think it would bother her since he feels nothing for this friend?

OP the most important thing though is that you dont come across as demanding that he stop seeing this girl. No partner should have the right to tell their OH who to be friends with regardless of the friends behaviour and it really is up to your bf to stop her from acting inappropriately towards him. Demanding that friends are cut off will only result in other problems down the line and is a horrible horrible way to treat your OH.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies i'm happy to know it isnt just the crazy girl hormones that are making me feel this way!

As for my bf when she does the sitting on his knee, being all over him i know he feels really uncomfortabe and doesnt know what to do. And when i have asked him about it as in "do you think she has a thing for you?" his usual reply is ah thats just the way she is, which is no excuse in my book.

It is a hard subject to bring up as dirty dress said i dont in anyway want to dictate to him who he should see etc, its not even that i just want her to cool it with the constant affection towards him and yea in a way it does make feel insecure, now this is going to sound terribly bitchy but she isnt the most attractive in the world (inside and out) hence why i probably havent really had a proper discussion with him about it, but it really is getting annoying at this stage, she would love the fact that she is getting in the way of us.

I text him there about meeting up and taking about it, it is a silly reason to be fighting but it has been getting to me and i really need to talk to him because i am not usually the jealous type, i dont even think it is jealousy really?!