internet date question

LegacyUser

this might be long so bear with me. Met a guy from the net about a 6 weeks ago - we have met 3 times and talked and texted each other. My profile on the net was ' Im a girl looking for fun ' i.e. I kinda indicated that all i wanted was just sex. Ive never internet dated before. Anyway I starting talking to the guy and he says he's leaving ireland soon anyway and he'd like to fave 'fun' with me. I agreed and we met. We both liked each other and slept together. He says things like ' we are so good together' 'its nice to meet someone you get on with' . He wants to bring me on holiday - he is paying! He's also asked have i ever thought about living in another country. All this might seem a bit forward for after meeting somone 3 times but the fact i like him so much im not freaked out by it. My problem is im thinking of falling for him. I was hurt in the past and i dont want it to happen again. I asked when he was leaving as i dont want to get too close to him of he's going soon. He said with his job it might take a while. I told him i was hurt before and didnt want to get too close etc if he's leaving and his words were - 'Dont worry - we can be friends and have fun but he's not committing to me. I said then - you wouldnt date me so? and he said it wouldnt be fair on us. God im going on a bit.... cutting this short i like him and not sure what i want - he said there is no rush, we will talk about it. My question is ..... should I continue sleeping with him ( i enjoy it ) and see how to get on or just cut my losses as maybe he doesnt want to date me as hes leaving ... but then he asked would i live in another country (Maybe he meant would i go too) plus hes paying for my holiday!!! Any ideas??????

kjl

I don't see what your problem is, you have met someone and even though you only wanted a casual relationship you have developed feeling for them.

My advice is to go with it, you never know what might happen in the end so don't rule out your feelings because you have been hurt before. Sure he might be moving away, but nowadays that isn't a huge deal. You can still skype each other and visit, and if you do feel like you might want to move over there, then why not. You only live once.

We only regret the chances we didn't take in out life's.

LegacyUser

op again - to add more - at the start i was so wary of him, i didnt want to commit to anything. He'd ask me something - and id say well maybe etc etc. So maybe thats why he said he's not committing to me as maybe he thought its what i wanted to hear and not freak me out. He also asked me 'were we just sex' and seemed dissappointed when saying it. Again I said - I dont know!! But the thing of him saying it wouldnt be fair if we dated and he moving away - i guess he thinks id never move away and thats why he said it would be fair. But I would move if it was right! I think I should chill out - ive only met him 3 times and the next time I might go off him!!! I guess il just have to play it by ear and have fun and not look too far ahead!

magneticimpulse

i dont get what you want from this guy. 1st off dating sites are for that...dating, because your fed up meeting people in clubs who just want 1 night stand. if your so confused stick to sex only websites such as adultfriendfinder.com otherwise your just hurting people by just using them for sex.

nobody here can make up your mind. you seem really confused and my advice just dont see men until you decide what you want. sex only? adultfriendfinder.com
or a relationship? then normal dating websites...but you cant go on one site expecting to get the other thing??

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

i dont get what you want from this guy. 1st off dating sites are for that...dating, because your fed up meeting people in clubs who just want 1 night stand. if your so confused stick to sex only websites such as adultfriendfinder.com otherwise your just hurting people by just using them for sex.

nobody here can make up your mind. you seem really confused and my advice just dont see men until you decide what you want. sex only? adultfriendfinder.com
or a relationship? then normal dating websites...but you cant go on one site expecting to get the other thing??

ive never been on dating sites before so didnt know the score. We both said at the start we just wanted fun and from how we get on so well together i feel id like more. And maybe he does too - i dont know.But thanks for the heads up on the difference between dating sites and sex sites - didnt know that!

magneticimpulse

its very difficult to know what people mean by "fun" on dating websites. I have to take it that if people indicate that they want "fun" it might mean they just want 1 night stands. i seem to wonder then why they ever went onto a "dating" website in the 1st place.

well you seemed to got what you want and after 3 1 night stands, i seem to wonder why you would expect to move to another country with this guy so soon? its extremely early days for even thinking of moving. i mean how do you know this guy is exclusive to you?

i go on dates with people from internet dating, but even after 3 dates, im still seeing other people from the sites. not because im mean or leading people on, but because im trying to ween out the ones who thought internet dating was to pick up women for one night stand, to the genuine ones who actually want a relationship.

mood

Ok you said you wanted 'fun' meaning one night stands but then you post suggest you want a relationship! If you think you are falling for him and he thinks it is f*ck buddy thing end it now or you will get hurt. If you think you can be his f*ck buddy without getting emotionally involved keep meeting him. You need to decide which you can handle.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

its very difficult to know what people mean by "fun" on dating websites. I have to take it that if people indicate that they want "fun" it might mean they just want 1 night stands. i seem to wonder then why they ever went onto a "dating" website in the 1st place.

well you seemed to got what you want and after 3 1 night stands, i seem to wonder why you would expect to move to another country with this guy so soon? its extremely early days for even thinking of moving. i mean how do you know this guy is exclusive to you?

i go on dates with people from internet dating, but even after 3 dates, im still seeing other people from the sites. not because im mean or leading people on, but because im trying to ween out the ones who thought internet dating was to pick up women for one night stand, to the genuine ones who actually want a relationship.

when i put up my profile i never thought id actually meet anyone for real - maybe just flirting online. But i met this guy and got on well. I think it is a bit mad of me to even think of moving to another country after 3 'dates'. But the fact of how he said such nice things and seemed really keen - i guess i thought there might be a future. But this guy has said he was with 200+ women before and is so much more experienced than me - maybe he's so used to saying nice things to women and im reading into it too much. Id say yeah thats it - he might be a bit of a player and he knows the right things to say. I think i will back off and maybe try to forget about him.

LegacyUser

mood wrote: »

Ok you said you wanted 'fun' meaning one night stands but then you post suggest you want a relationship! If you think you are falling for him and he thinks it is f*ck buddy thing end it now or you will get hurt. If you think you can be his f*ck buddy without getting emotionally involved keep meeting him. You need to decide which you can handle.

yeah all i wanted was a one night thing but the fact he wants to go away with me, has asked would i live in another country, has said we are good together makes me think he wants more. But ive posted already to say i am going to back off - i think i know deep down that he will leave without a backward glance. I guess he knows what to say to make a girl feel special and green me has fallen for it!

magneticimpulse

he has told you he has slept with 200+ women. thats crazy! have you had a STD test? this really doesnt sound like the prince in shining armor type. Has he actually asked you would you move to another country with him? He might just be using it as general chat as alot of people have lived abroad. "We are good together", in my opinion, means your a good **** buddy. So far ive not seen the bigger picture here. Im not convinced he wants anything more than a **** buddy.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

he has told you he has slept with 200+ women. thats crazy! have you had a STD test? this really doesnt sound like the prince in shining armor type. Has he actually asked you would you move to another country with him? He might just be using it as general chat as alot of people have lived abroad. "We are good together", in my opinion, means your a good **** buddy. So far ive not seen the bigger picture here. Im not convinced he wants anything more than a **** buddy.

heck do you think i need an std test? damn! Yeah the more I think about it - all he wants is a f*** buddy. And as im starting to have feelings for him so Il have to stop seeing him. Pity

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

he has told you he has slept with 200+ women. thats crazy! have you had a STD test? this really doesnt sound like the prince in shining armor type. Has he actually asked you would you move to another country with him? He might just be using it as general chat as alot of people have lived abroad. "We are good together", in my opinion, means your a good **** buddy. So far ive not seen the bigger picture here. Im not convinced he wants anything more than a **** buddy.

He has asked me a few times would i live in another country. When i brought up things about when was he moving etc as i wrote previously, he said there is no rush! One thing that makes me wonder though if all he wants is sex is when he asked me 'are we only sex?' and seemed dessappointed when saying it. Would a guy that only wanted you for sex say that????? He away this week so I will be tormented until he gets back so i can know for sure whats happening. Although we have only seen eacj other 3 times so it probably is a bit 'bunny boiler' of me to ask where are we going at this stage. I think il meet him, go on holiday with him and see what happens. I dont want to throw it all away if he does want more and im just been too demanding of him to know whats happening.

mood

You could have a chat with him before agreeing on the holiday. Just say something like at the start you thought it was just a one off and thought he want the same but your not sure if he/you feel differently now etc. Just find out if it has a future before getting more involved. And as for him moving, surely he knows where and when. You should know this if you continue to see him. You would also need to know if you are the only woman he is currently seeing.

LegacyUser

mood wrote: »

You could have a chat with him before agreeing on the holiday. Just say something like at the start you thought it was just a one off and thought he want the same but your not sure if he/you feel differently now etc. Just find out if it has a future before getting more involved. And as for him moving, surely he knows where and when. You should know this if you continue to see him. You would also need to know if you are the only woman he is currently seeing.

yeah i think il ask him before the hol - i really like this guy and hope he feels the same. I think he is leaving in about 4 months. And if he only wants me as a f*** buddy then there is nothing i can do. Although by he way he is so affectionate and saying he's glad he met me etc etc, it does make me wonder if he does like me more than a f*** buddy. And asking me about 6 times would i live in another country. And then to make me douth if he likes me more is when he said that it wouldnt be fair if we dated and i said i coudnt see him again so - he just said he understood and better to be honost than hurt. Then i said i liked him and didnt know if i wanted this - he said there is no rush and we can talk when he is back in a week. I think i need to forget about it for now!!!!

LegacyUser

hey op

think most people exaggerate their number at some stage in life, definitely go for the std test and ask him when his last one too would be a good idea. (might be a good time to mention that you mightn't be comfortable in a very actively open relationship, if thats how you feel)

All that said and done, just let it happen, enjoy the moment. Try not to overthink it all, unless he's moving to Chilli travel is usually an inexpensive option, if you're even still into him by then! See how your holiday goes first perhaps?

Most countries have a lack of jobs at the moment and if he's Irish he'll be competing with the native people from whatever country he's looking at too. If you are happy then go for it!

Liam Byrne

magneticimpulse wrote: »

its very difficult to know what people mean by "fun" on dating websites. I have to take it that if people indicate that they want "fun" it might mean they just want 1 night stands.

+1, particularly on the first sentence.

If I said I wanted fun it would be "have a laugh, hang out, go bowling/cinema/walks/weekend away/head out to the pub or a wedding or dancing/stay in watch a DVD/laugh and joke", etc, without all the "where's this going / do you want to have kids someday / I want to have a serious discussion about X, Y or Z".

If things were going well and there was a spark, sex would be nice too.

But since when did "fun" and "sex" become interchangeable ?

Sex can (and should) be fun, but fun doesn't always have to mean sex.

dolliemix

Above all else, if somebody told me they'd slept with 200+ people by the third date, I would wonder why he is telling me that! How did that come up in conversation??? :eek:

LegacyUser

dolliemix wrote: »

Above all else, if somebody told me they'd slept with 200+ people by the third date, I would wonder why he is telling me that! How did that come up in conversation??? :eek:

i cant remember to be honost - we have talked about lots of things and i guess it just came up. It doesnt bother me at all he's slept with so many people - he's 38 so I guess they add up over time lol.