Getting Over Her And Need To Vent - Long Post

LegacyUser

I posted here last summer regarding the issue of my then girlfriends over-friendliness. Can't find the thread but the tone of replies was that I was naive and being a bit gullible. Hindsight is sometimes a not so wonderful thing! I've had several relationships, the longest being a year but my brief fling with this girl has knocked all the confidence out of me. I'm posting here just to vent really, I thought I was over her but not quite there yet. I got drunk last night and rang her phone with my number blocked, when she answered I hung up, still can't believe I did something so childish!

We met in April last year, I was 32, she was 28. After a few intense weeks I fell for the girl hook line and sinker. We clicked on many levels, had similiar views and outlooks on life, similiar sense of humour, I thought of her as a friend as well as a partner. She was intelligent, well educated, funny, charming, absolutely beautiful and she told me she loved me. However there were a lot of red flags that I ignored, such a sucker for a good looking woman.

The over friendliness thing - I got the uneasy feeling she liked to lead men on only to reject their interest by saying she was only having a chat despite the flirtatious behaviour and body language. It was hard to admit that to myself, the woman I'd fallen in love with was acting the prick tease. I was on the receiving end of this twice from her during our time together. On more than one occassion she referred to herself as a bunny boiler, to be honest I believe she wanted to be seen as one and tried to act accordingly.

Also she was a virgin when we met and I was her first lover. She said I was the only man she'd ever fallen in love with and I couldn't help get the impression there was a certain novelty value for her in having a boyfriend. That phrase "my boyfriend" would be used in conversation while she'd be on the phone to me, her then boyfriend! Also the fact that she'd never been in love before worried me a bit.

Then there was the pregnancy scare. One of my friends had broken up with her boyfriend but had tickets to a gig in the O2, had a hotel room booked and we were meeting her sisters and a few friends. I asked my ex if she was OK with me spending the night in the same hotel room as my friend and she said no. After a bit of an argument she relented and me and my friend went to the gig, spent the night in the hotel room (in seperate beds!) and travelled back home the following day. The week previous to the gig my GFs period was late and during the course of the weekend at the gig there was a pregnancy scare, she told me the following day on the way home from the gig she was pregnant, about 6 weeks gone. She induced a miscarriage deliberately when I told her I didn't want a baby as I wasn't in any position financially to be a father. She's a qualified midwife and said she knew of some tablets that would induce a miscarriage. She spent the night alone in a house on her father's farm, took the tablets and told me the sheets were soaked with blood and the baby was gone. I was suspicious that she was faking the pregnancy just to undermine my weekend away but I immaturely held my tongue. I should have asked for proof of the pregnancy but I knew she would have seen that as a betrayal of trust.

There was also the large dose of Irish Mammy Syndrome. She was fiercely independent and proud of earning a good wage. A few weeks after we told each other we loved each other she wanted to pay for a weekend away. I offered to pay half of it but she wouldn't accept saying she was earning more money than me and it didn't make sense for me to pay. I could see where she was coming from but I was unemployed, not broke! She also didn't account for a little thing called dignity, she was telling me what kind of career I'd be good at based simply on the advice I'd given her in dealing with her depression/mood swings borne out of perfectionism. I knew she needed help dealing with her issues, she knew it too and went to a counsellor after we broke up. I did too as I got very depressed after the breakup. The strange thing is I could never have been this frank with her, she was way too sensitive. I remember her saying she didn't play games, I should've walked away right then.

So fast forward about a month of no contact. I was working, feeling better about things and sent her a text. We were texting back and forth for a bit and I told her I still loved her. She felt the same but told me she wanted to be married and settled down before she was 30. I told her I wanted the same things but knew in my heart I was saying it just to keep her happy. What an idiot! Anyway we met up twice, had a few nice kisses and she sent me a text the first week of December saying that as much as she "liked" me and how well we got on, she didn't want to be in a relationship! Total headwreck and I told her as much. She's a lot of things but above all else she's immature and has an idealised version of love in her head. One upside is I on longer have to listen to her compare her life with Sex And The City!


Over Xmas I had a panic attack and cried again, have to say the emotional release was good but the sense of losing control was scary. Thankfully have been OK the last week or so though not back to my normal self. As well I can see a pattern of depression after breakups with girlfriends, this latest one really took it's toll. Thankfully I feel like I'm slowly climbing out of the depressed state of mind I'm in, writing this has helped and reading over it has shown I've a ways to go yet. It's been hard to admit I fell in love with an immature, headwrecking, game player. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far!

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Big hug to you, it's no fun having a broken heart. Don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you had a lucky escape. Keep writing stuff down, as you say it makes you feel better, you should get a journal.

I will wish that you meet a lovely woman that appreciates you and that you both live a happy and healthy life.

Best of Luck.