My first go - title "Shoot first. Ask for autographs later."?

I Trained Trent

I had been out on the street for less than two minutes when my guns started to feel heavy.

Posing as a pregnant woman, I found myself again and again having to politely decline offers of help from the public while trailing Trent. Each time I had to use only hand gestures and little whimpering sounds, or else my gruff soldier's voice would betray me in a flashbang.

The combination of implausible subterfuge and iron was making me sweat badly, although mercifully my lead ended up somewhere air conditioned.

Boarding a bus with a fake womb full of real grenades, I started to wonder if Trent had spotted me. Fortunately though a number of young and attractive women were also on board, and so Trent's one vulnerability was working in my favour. ...For now.

I inspected a fake breast to make sure the smoke canister inside had stayed secure, and this is when it kicked off...

Trent jumped up in front of me, smashing through the foremost sunroof and disappearing out the top of the bus. For a second there was just confusion and powdered safety glass in the air. Trent used his body as an air brake and slowed in the air above the bus, dropping in through the rear sunroof two seconds later, karate chopping me unconscious from behind.

I awoke with the bus driver and a young Japanese lady leaning over me, saying that an ambulance was on the way.

I had lost him again.

...But I was alive. That means Trent was either interrupted, or in a very big hurry. Either way I had to find out, and get to him before he learnt what he already knew, but consciously rather than only in a sort of buried way, which was all he was aware of right now, sort of thing.

pickarooney

You end up neither dead nor visibly impregnated... not very realistic.

I Trained Trent

pickarooney wrote: »

nor visibly impregnated...

'cept for the nades

Mark Santos

Its like you're trying way to hard, so it seems concocted and unnatural. Padraigggg's stylings are much more flowing.
And you're inconsistent in wanting to write in his style and not wanting to write in his style.

I understand your attempt, its just awful execution all around, so its not funny.

Its not good, man.

PurpleBee

you certainly did not train him.

florio

I think it's great. Better than the original even!

Insect Overlord

Needs a lot more work.
Also, as it relies entirely on the assumption the reader is familiar with the Trent character, it would completely fail in isolation.

mink_man

could be interesting to have the 2 stories side by side, almost in a fight with each other.

pickarooney

mink_man wrote: »

could be interesting to have the 2 stories side by side, almost in a fight with each other.

One of those 'continue the story' threads but with just two writers going head to head? Not the worst idea I've ever heard.