Trust issues preventing me from dating again

LegacyUser

OK, I'll give a short summary of my romantic past (not very romantic)

Boyfriend number 1 - cheated on me, dumped me before I found out. I got over it, it didn't cause any major long lasting issues.
Had a few ONS and ended up pregnant by one, a guy who I worked with. I'd known him a couple of years but only through work. Told him I was pregnant, he scarpered never to be seen again.
Boyfriend number 2 - LTR, lived together, bought a house, helped me raise my child, together for over 6 years. He cheated on me. Has treated me and the child like sh1t since.


So here I am, single nearly two years.
Self esteem was at an all time low when LTR ended. I was destroyed and vunerable and had a few casual relationships but none of the guys treated me with respect which I tolerated at the time due to insecurity and neediness.
I took a 6 month break from the whole scene and I'm much happier and secure in myself and feel ready to try again but I want to do it right.


My problem is two-fold.
Due to the pregnancy and consequent scarpering of my childs father, I carry a huge amount of guilt and shame for how I could have let this happen.
As a result I am very wary of any man I do not know. All men I have dated/kissed since the end of the LTR have been people known to me. I know them through friends or family. Basically I only feel comfortable with someone if I know I can track them down. I wasn't even aware I was doing this until a friend pointed it out.
If I am approached by a man I don't know I won't give him the time of day.

Secondly I have worked hard on getting to the point where I won't put up with crap just for affection. But I fear I have gone too far. I amn't easy going with men, I pull them up on every comment. I am basically not myself at all. I am easy going and a peacekeeper normally. With men now I find myself argumentative, belittling and quick to get defensive, even over a joke.

I know if I keep this up I'll be single for all eternity lol.

Any input appreciated.

LegacyUser

There are good guys out there. I believe myself to be one. Im the victim though. haha. I dont blame you for not trusting but you can get over this. Im sorry i cant be of more help. In a baddish enough state this week. If you need anyone im here though.