just after a break up

brickey

hi there, this is my first post on here.. wish it was a happier one. just before new years my girlfriend 29 and i 29 broke up after 5 years together. im clinging onto hope that we will get back together which can be foolish i know. anyway i suppose i was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation ie.. hearatbroken... cant sleep, im wrecked, no mind for work, depressed.. she said she needs space and time, so im gonna give her some, i have told her i want us to get back together, so i suppose shes in the driving seat.. its just so hard not to ring or text.. i met her on monday and had a chat, thats when she said she needed time.. so im doing great not contactin her since, then today she rings me about something trivial. and the temptation to ring her back is huge.. anyway just wonderin any one got any advice please..help!.. i was hoping not to contact her for a week or 2.. to see if shed be back intouch with a change of heart,

lala stone

brickey wrote: »

hi there, this is my first post on here.. wish it was a happier one. just before new years my girlfriend 29 and i 29 broke up after 5 years together. im clinging onto hope that we will get back together which can be foolish i know. anyway i suppose i was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation ie.. hearatbroken... cant sleep, im wrecked, no mind for work, depressed.. she said she needs space and time, so im gonna give her some, i have told her i want us to get back together, so i suppose shes in the driving seat.. its just so hard not to ring or text.. i met her on monday and had a chat, thats when she said she needed time.. so im doing great not contactin her since, then today she rings me about something trivial. and the temptation to ring her back is huge.. anyway just wonderin any one got any advice please..help!.. i was hoping not to contact her for a week or 2.. to see if shed be back intouch with a change of heart,

hey op..poor u
why did u break up?
Just try and keep as busy as possible for d next 2 weeks,, call on your friends and family to help you do this...
your right to give her space, she can think clearly then

__plec__

awh man,i feel for you.was there before and its tough.All i can do is repeat the previous comment,just try and keep yourself occupied,find things to do,and make sure you're around people,it helps.As far as the work thing is concerned i know its very tough.With me i had to sit at a computer for hours,and all i could think about was her.If you're in a similar situation,id recomment many coffee breaks,just try and keep chatting to people.2 weeks will fly by,i know it doesnt seem like that.And hopefully in 2 weeks things will be clearer for both of you.

Oh,and make sure you give her space,dont contact her within the 2 weeks,if you contact her beforehand she'll know that you are still mad about her and hence she'll wonder does she want to go back,and maybe start thinking about what her options are.If you dont contact her then maybe she'll be wondering why etc,and start thinking that maybe you dont need her,which will get her thinking about what she will loose.
I know its a horrible game,but unfortunetly its the way the mind works

Shivers26

Im in a similar situation myself. Recently out of a 5 year relationship. I was treated horrendously in the end and was left heartbroken and devastated.

The main thing is to cut the contact. I mean if you text her and she doesnt reply you will only feel worse. Just surround yourself with family and friends and keep busy. I know its hard and things suck right now but it does get easier, I promise you.

Take the time to reflect on things yourself. Be sure about what you want and if she does have a change of heart happy days. A good piece of advice I got was just to tell yourself nothing will ever happen with you again. I know it sounds weird but if you keeping thinking you might get back together then you will never move on. If you do get back together at least you have been living your life in the mean time.

Take care and good luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
Sorry to hear about that, you've my sympathy, cos I've recently gone through exactly the same thing... except my relationship was a lot longer than 5 years.

You won't like what I have to say, but I can only go on my experience. I got exactly the same lines - "I need my space, I need time"...

I entered a similar mental state... sleepless, couldn't eat, couldn't work. And I made all the usual mistakes - I persisted with fruitless calls, emails and texts, pretty much begging her to come round, promising that things would be different, talking about all our happy times together, telling her that I loved her, etc, etc...

It was all a waste of time!! I'm afraid to say that when someone gives you that "space" line it's very very bad news. The relationship is in serious jeopardy, she's clearly very unhappy in the relationship, for whatever reasons she may have. That's been my experience unfortunately, and there may be very little you can do about it.

My only advice would be to cease contact completely. I don't think my persistent contacting made my situation much worse, I think the relationship was over anyway, but it definitely didn't help and I feel foolish that I bothered at all, looking back now. Keep your dignity!

Anyway, all that happened to me 6 months ago, the relationship well and truly ended. I thought my life was over, I could not see any hope. But with the great help of friends and family, I've started to come through it. I actually had a nice Xmas, out partying with my friends and meeting new people

With some luck, your situation might not come to the same drastic conclusion... Good luck.

brickey

lala stone wrote: »

hey op..poor u
why did u break up?
Just try and keep as busy as possible for d next 2 weeks,, call on your friends and family to help you do this...
your right to give her space, she can think clearly then

thank you all for your replies. its been over with 2 weeks,and it feels like its gonna get worse before it gets better..i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.. the reason we broke was we had a real heated argument, and it was just 1 to many. I havent told any family or friends yet. i kinda feel that just makes things more final.

kjl

best thing you can do is just forget about it for a while. I know you are upset, but sometimes you just have to let girls come to you.

LegacyUser

brickey wrote: »

thank you all for your replies. its been over with 2 weeks,and it feels like its gonna get worse before it gets better..i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.. the reason we broke was we had a real heated argument, and it was just 1 to many. I havent told any family or friends yet. i kinda feel that just makes things more final.

Brickey, you have my sympathy too because I've recently been where you are. It hurts like hell.
The only advice I would add is the suggestion that you do in fact say it out loud to your friends, your family, even into the ether yourself. You are carrying an awful burden of hurt around and holding on to that, holding that in, will only aggravate you further and make things harder for you. Let it out, say it to some people or someone.
Begin to let go of the hurt, before it hurts you more.
I hope you find peace soon.

nothingwitty

Hi Brickey,

im so so sorry to hear about your break-up, its so so hard to go through, but i agree with mele you can't go through it alone, you need the support of your friends and family.

i really can empathise with you, because my boyfriend of 6 years called it quits with me a few weeks ago, we were living together for almost 2 years and i thought we were happy, so it was a complete bolt out of the blue!.....but anyway im not stealing your thread the point im getting at is that it started just before Christmas and he wasnt talking to me, never coming home for ages,saying he needed space and then after new years i kind of knew where it was going ya know? but i never told my friends or family because like your fear, it would only have made it final.

then when the inevitable happened and he said it was over, i still didnt tell anyone i couldnt bear it, because it would mean i was accepting it or something. But i finally told them, because i realised that if i didnt share what i was going through the pain, and anger and confusion i was feeling would have become too much to bear and i was only pushing those i love away.

And honestly brickey it was the best decision i made, talking about it with them, made me realise that yeah, it will be along process but a manageable one with them at your side!one day the hurt wont be as bad, but to get there you need to grieve (hope thats not too strong a word)and opening up about it will begin that process. Im moving into a new house now, i didnt think i could be anyway strong when im hurting so much inside, but its amazing what great support can do for you.

anyway i know everyone is different and deals with things in their own way, and i really feel your pain, its just not nice to have to go through!...try let someone in at least, youll feel a small weight lift.

hope your ok

brickey

thanks again lads. managing a little better as each day passes, still its horrible.. we had been livin together with three and a half years and engaged and deposit on house.
i might share it with a friend in the next few days, still dont want to say anything to family yet though they will only be quizinn me why? thanks lads really appreciate the replies..

moiragannaire

Hi Brickey, I feel for you because its the worst feeling in the world. I went through something similar last year, and while I dont want to get your hopes up if your relationship is well and truly over, in my case I found that when I accepted that we were finished and started going out with friends and meeting new people, gradually my ex realised that I was fine without him, and having a ball, and he soon wanted to get back together. We had been broken up for about six weeks. But the thing is, it only started to work once I really and truly had moved on. I think that fact that I was dependant on him any more and was out having fun helped. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that no matter what will happen in the future, you need to try to pick yourself up and meet people and even though you might just feel like being a hermit, dont turn down an invitation! I hope you feel even marginally better, and take it one day at a time

Honest John

I feel for you OP and I'm in the same boat. Girlfriend left me about 6 weeks ago after 9 years together for an ex-boyfriend of 22 years ago and my head is a mess. I too spent the first 2 weeks not eating, not sleeping and work was a nightmare. You'll get over this part and you will eat and sleep again.

My first thought in the morning, last thought at night and every second thought is still of her but I know this will get better. All I can say, and I'm saying this to myself everyday, is that time is a healer. She may never come back to you but you will be happy again. No amount of pleading, begging or pointing out your good points will change her mind for now. You need time apart. If in the time apart she realises she wants you back she will come back but nothing you can say will convince her of this.

I say this from experience as I once broke a long term relationship and broke someones heart. Because I had already moved on in my head no matter what she would have said nothing would have changed my mind.

As others have said talk to friends and family. I told nobody for a week or 2 but the relief when I opened up was immense. I still won't say a bad word about her as I still love her but to share your thoughts, feelings and anxieties with your friends will be of immense help.

Miss Fluff

Aw you poor old sausage. Virtual hug from me to you.
There is no worse feeling. All of the above advice is best heeded. Keep yourself busy, surround yourself with family and friends and do not, under any circumstances, contact her. Contacting her will only cause upset and confusion and it will only set you back. Take it one day at a time and if you have a sister or good friend you can confide in, then it's important to talk about it if possible. Chin up. Every day will be that little bit easier my dear xx

Faithless

Wouldn't you help her with her bags if she broke up with you and left her pussy behind? Think about that for a minute...

Of course you would!

It's a physiological thing for a man to think that a relationship is 75% about sex. Now, the reason you're pissed is because you can't bare her giving "your pussy" to another guy. Well, it's NOT "your pussy". It never was and never will be. But there are one million others out there "for rent" (no prostitute). Now grow some balls back and get on with life.

The funny thing is, when the next comes along, this time next year you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about. The best thing to do is to avoid being by yourself for the next month or so. Take up a new hobby, go out and socialise with friends or work some extra hours and earn some money to treat yourself to some L'Oreal, because you're worth it.

Moomoo1

I genuinly spent a few moments wondering where cats came into all this.

But no, for most people there's a lot more to it than sex. In fact, it's the breaking of the emotional attachment than hurts, rather than the breaking of the physical attachment.

Trout99

well man. Like you I went on boards to look for advice. Like you I was told that my gf needed space. My relationship was serious but was only going on for a few months and Im a lot younger than 29. But im feeling the exact same as you. Cant sleep , Depressed miss her, trying not 2 contact her. I rang her up during the week told her I missed her,she never said anything back.It kicked my down a lot. so If I were you dont contact her because she might say or do something that could make you feel hurt. Probly useless advice man but hope ya get back with her.

LegacyUser

i was going out with my ex for 6 months she broke up with me last week, very very soon after i took her back for staying in touch with her ex. we had a long distance (IRL-UK) thing with lots of meet ups along the way and the final meet ups being over the christmas. i am missing her so much, rang her last week asking questions why and all that...told her i missed her, loved her, cared about her still, said i'll change and care even more...she didnt want to hear it..it was too late...she didnt say anything back. feel like **** the past week...Message to you GIRLS: us guys can be sensitive too and girls CAN be so insensitive when it comes to break up's.

Trout99

dont touch wrote: »

i was going out with my ex for 6 months she broke up with me last week, very very soon after i took her back for staying in touch with her ex. we had a long distance (IRL-UK) thing with lots of meet ups along the way and the final meet ups being over the christmas. i am missing her so much, rang her last week asking questions why and all that...told her i missed her, loved her, cared about her still, said i'll change and care even more...she didnt want to hear it..it was too late...she didnt say anything back. feel like **** the past week...Message to you GIRLS: us guys can be sensitive too and girls CAN be so insensitive when it comes to break up's.

your right there man. No matter how much ya think a girl likes ya and is love with ya they can just change like the weather nd break up with ya in no time.