Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Parents trying to make things up to me after childhood

  • 13-01-2010 3:08pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I have an odd problem which I hope others can help with.

    My brother has a long-term illness which is extremly rare (one on only a few cases in the world) which he was diagnosed with at 2 years (we are both in our late 20s). He has been in and out of hospital for years, had serious surgery and almost died a number of times. While we were little I was often sent to a neighbours or an aunt to be minded (only ever for a day or so) and sometimes I witnessed some medical things I probably have been affected by emotionally (don't want to go into too much detail here).

    However, we are now both doing great and have really got our lives together, we have stable jobs, both in relationships etc. One setback was a diagnosis of bone cancer for my brother (connected to original illness) which turned out to be false about six months ago. This raised some childhood stuff which I thought I'd dealt with but I ended up having a weepy heart-to-heart with my mum and cleared a lot of stuff off my chest (again, nothing traumatic but to do with having a childhood surrounded by serious "adult" stuff).

    The problem I have is that my parents now feel like they have to make up for lost time by doing stuff for me. This ranges from mum leaving meals and food in my house, dad mowing my lawn and doing odd jobs I haven't asked for (he's getting on a bit and shouldn't really be doing it) to them suggesting family holidays and other extravegent gifts. I don't feel "hard done by", everyone has to go through stuff, but they say they neglected me and are trying to make amends.

    I am not ungrateful but I am independent. I babysat from 15, combined with a job at 16 and worked my way through college. I have my own house and car and I should be independent, but how can I tell them they don't owe me anything and I have happy memories of childhood which are worth more than any late-in-life parenting I don't need?

    Any thoughts?


Comments

  • #2
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    How about you write them a short story about what your childhood was like, the stuff you remember, the happiness you felt etc If they knew how you truly felt about your childhood they mightnt feel the need to make it up to you. Its a nice thing for any parent to have to be honest, but it might help yours understand how you feel etc better


  • #3
    Big Knox
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,315 ✭✭✭Big Knox


    To be honest you are blessed to have such a good relationship with your parents. I would enjoy it while you have it as it won't last forever and you may regret it later in life if you push them away.

    Best of luck.


  • #4
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    Big Knox wrote: »
    To be honest you are blessed to have such a good relationship with your parents. I would enjoy it while you have it as it won't last forever and you may regret it later in life if you push them away.

    Best of luck.

    How do you think she is pushing her parents away?


Advertisement