Continue on, or just end it now?

LegacyUser

So, I've been seeing this guy for the past four/five months, everything going great, we see each other a couple times a week, he got me a great christmas present, met the family, the usual. But nothing was ever made "official". I decided to ask him, "so, whats the story, are we together or not?"

But no, apparently not. He just doesn't want a girlfriend, now, or ever. He had two serious previous relationships, both of which ended badly. (We're both 23.) I asked him if he didn't want a girlfriend, then why do all this coupley stuff with me? He claimed he didn't think it was coupley stuff, he likes spending time with me, like a mate. Like a mate he likes to have sex with? (Don't get me wrong, it was never an FB kinda thing, we go out on dates, go for walks, he's met my friends etc, etc.) But apparently I got the wrong end of the stick there.

I said I didn't get it, nothing would even change, I'm not like those other girls. To which he replied why did I want to go out so. I said because I didn't want him going off with other girls any time he's out. But, to make it even more confusing, he said he hasn't been with anyone else since he started seeing me.

(Sorry its getting very "he said, she said") So my dilemma, do I keep seeing him on a casual basis, knowing it will never turn into anything more serious, or do I just end it now? We get on great and everything, but I just don't know what to do. Thoughts?

Barracudaincork

Why would you be willing to settle for less than you want ie a relationship? Dont conform to suit him, conform to suit your own life.

Sanjuro

He's in a relationship. He just doesn't want to admit it to himself. To be honest, OP, I wouldn't settle for what he views your relationship as. It sounds like he's giving himself an easy way out if he wants to end it with you. 'Well we were never really going out.' It doesn't take a grand announcement to be in a relationship with someone. And you shouldn't settle for what he sees as f**kbuddy situation.

fasty

I was the same with my girlfriend when we first started seeing each other. For me it was because I was terrible at relationships due to anxiety and insecurity in the past and didn't want to jinx a good thing. The truth is I'm just not so insecure now. Maybe it's the same for him? Maybe it's because the previous relationships didn't work out and he's afraid?

Not that I advocate threatening to dump him, but it was threats of having contact cut, and some encouragement from my mates that made me see sense!

LegacyUser

Hey Op,

Don't worry about what he said. Ye are actually a couple.

It's just that some guys don't like putting a label on relationships because it makes them feel trapped. I am a guy and that is the way I am. It just makes us feel under pressure.
And, it's not so we can go out being with other girls, just it means less pressure and believe me, the relationship will be smoother if you leave it as it is.

If he said he is not scoring other girls and sees you alot, he is obviously into you so don't let this worry you or the worry alone will end the relationship.

Just enjoy each others company.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I understand where ur coming from as ive been in this situation with two guys previously, one of whom is my current boyfriend. I agree with what the last two posters have said. Him not wanting to say he's in a relationship doesnt mean he isnt into you, hes just weary of what will happen if you label what you have. His previous experiences might have thrown him off a bit.

As long as he's not using the lack of 'label' to go off and be with other people, i wouldn't really see this as a huge deal. As i said, ive been in this situation and both times the guys ended up broaching the subject after a number of months of us just being happy to spend time together etc. They suggested making it official even though originally, they had both said they didnt want a relationship. Just relax and enjoy what you have with him, you basically ARE in a relationship, so why bother being specific about the title.

Hope it works out for you....

dublingal80

Nothingseasy wrote: »

So, I've been seeing this guy for the past four/five months, everything going great, we see each other a couple times a week, he got me a great christmas present, met the family, the usual. But nothing was ever made "official". I decided to ask him, "so, whats the story, are we together or not?"

But no, apparently not. He just doesn't want a girlfriend, now, or ever. He had two serious previous relationships, both of which ended badly. (We're both 23.) I asked him if he didn't want a girlfriend, then why do all this coupley stuff with me? He claimed he didn't think it was coupley stuff, he likes spending time with me, like a mate. Like a mate he likes to have sex with? (Don't get me wrong, it was never an FB kinda thing, we go out on dates, go for walks, he's met my friends etc, etc.) But apparently I got the wrong end of the stick there.

there could be a chance he might change his mind, but do you really want to waste another 5 months or five years hoping?? He says he sees you like a mate.

You know yourself that you deserve so much than that. You deserve someone that loves and adores you and who would be so proud to call you their girlfriend and would know how lucky they are to actually spend their rest of their life with you

Sounds to me like he is gonna cause you heart break down the road. you dont know if he has just been with you or what since its not serious, so if i was you i would get outta there ASAP and meet a nice boy

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys, the different perspectives helped me figure things out. At the mo, after talking to people and thinking about it, I've decided just to continue as things are, we have a great time together and although we're not official, at least now I know where I stand. From what I've heard, his exes were both complete psychos, and a lot younger and immature, and really fcuked him up when it comes to relationships, so I can kind of understand where he's coming from.

dublingal, I hear what your saying, and it may well turn out he won't change his mind (the likeliest situation), and tbh I wouldn't see it as a waste of time, we have a great laugh, for the time being anyway I'm happy just meeting him. At least I know the story anyways, we'll see.