The Doctors rules for survival

Doctor DooM · 13-01-2010 1:07am #1

With a huge horde bearing down on you, you won't have time to be reading books. You'll need to make snap decisions, quick.

As mentioned elsewhere, I am going to start a thread of short rules you should live by to survive the zombocalypse. For example, number 1:

1) If your friend says 'it's just a scratch' and won't let you see the wound, you might as well kill them now.

2) If she wants to eat your brains she's not your mother anymore. You might as well kill her now.

3) Swords don't run out of Ammo

4) THE HEAD, AIM FOR THE HEAD!!!!!!!!!

5) If you're not paranoid they will get you.

6) Trust no one.

7) Travel light.

8) Tampons are good for treating other wounds (non zombie).

9) Don't go out at night.

10) Remember hygene, brush your teeth, clean your hands etc just because its Z day doesn't mean other illnesses dont exist. Dr's GPs Dentists will all be dead.

11) Never have sex with a zombie. You might as well kill them now.

Any more and I like them I will edit them into the OP.

Let's make a zombies for dummies guide!

Mahatma coat · 13-01-2010 7:08am

Swords don't run out of Ammo

THE HEAD, AIM FOR THE HEAD!!!!!!!!!

oh and

Keep RUNNING
No where is safe, only safer.

NOGMaxpower · 13-01-2010 10:29am

#1 If you're not paranoid they will get you.
#2 Trust no one.
#3 Travel light.
#4 Tampons are good for treating other wounds (non zombie).
#5 Don't go out at night.
#6 Remember hygene, brush your teeth, clean your hands etc just because its Z day doesn't mean other illnesses dont exist. Dr's GPs Dentists will all be dead.

Brunteaphile · 13-01-2010 5:47pm

Burn the bodies whenever you can, a small bottle of flammable liquid and some tinder should do the job. Don't waste it on just one or two, pile them up and burn it in one go. Do this away from hideouts as the smell/light could attract other Zs.

Micky Dolenz · 13-01-2010 7:19pm

If I manage to survive for a lenght of time past Zed day, my one golden rule is:

Avoid densely populated areas at all cost.

Ginja Ninja · 13-01-2010 8:53pm

not to infringe copyright but:
#1 Cardio
#2 double tap[or at least make sure it's dead]
#3 Don't travel alone
#4 beware of bathrooms [seriously,if you've your trousers around your ankles,you ain't running away]
#5 Disease's are still around
#6 Avoid and Evade.Camouflage is better than conflict in any situation.
#7 Beware of people more than zombies,at least you know where you stand with zeds
#8 Backup is worth more than ammo.

Evolute · 13-01-2010 9:57pm

IEDs in a zombie horde are fun but don't guarantee the kill.

If you only have a blunt object. When in doubt knock its teeth out

Valmont · 13-01-2010 10:30pm

1*Keep your axe or machete razor sharp.
2*Look after your gun like it's your willy.

ScumLord · 13-01-2010 11:13pm

Mahatma coat wrote: »

Swords don't run out of Ammo

I think this is a very dangerous misconception. They can run out of fuel quite quickly. When you get tired your sword is useless.

Slugs · 13-01-2010 11:17pm

If you find a survivor who wishes to join your group, demand they allow you to search their entire bodies for wounds. 5 minutes humiliation is better than being a zed salad.

ScumLord · 13-01-2010 11:22pm

Slugs wrote: »

If you find a survivor who wishes to join your group, demand they allow you to search their entire bodies for wounds. 5 minutes humiliation is better than being a zed salad.

You could end up infected doing that. I'll be staying in the one place I don't see the point in moving about in such a small country. I'll have quarantine houses that everyone would have to spend 1 to 2 days in before being let into the main base.

Slugs · 13-01-2010 11:23pm

How could you get infected? It's a quick 2 - 5 minute procedure. Clothes off, check the body, clothes on, BOOM! HEADSHOT/ Welcome to the group! :P

ScumLord · 13-01-2010 11:30pm

Slugs wrote: »

How could you get infected? It's a quick 2 - 5 minute procedure. Clothes off, check the body, clothes on, BOOM! HEADSHOT/ Welcome to the group! :P

What if they got zombie fluids in their mouth, there's no guarantee that the only way the infection is passed is through biting. In fact I think it's highly unlikely as the human bite isn't all that strong to begin with.

Slugs · 14-01-2010 6:48am

Well how would that have gotten there? I can't imagining someone stopping off to have a tongue session with a zed :P

Mahatma coat · 14-01-2010 7:53am

Dunno, acordin to brooks etc consumption of Zombie flesh or fluids is just poisonous without the threat of reanimation, barring subsequent infection of the cadaver via the bloodstream

_SONIC_ · 14-01-2010 5:49pm

Slugs wrote: »

Well how would that have gotten there? I can't imagining someone stopping off to have a tongue session with a zed :P

when you kill them the pressure of their blood being pumped around their body would spray out and if your not wearing protection it might get in your mouth!!!

ScumLord · 14-01-2010 6:12pm

Mahatma coat wrote: »

Dunno, acordin to brooks etc consumption of Zombie flesh or fluids is just poisonous without the threat of reanimation, barring subsequent infection of the cadaver via the bloodstream

It seems unlikely that a bite would be the only way to infect, if it was then Zombies would never get a foothold, they just wouldn't be able to spread quick enough to catch out able bodied people. The only way it can become a true pandemic is to spread somewhat similar to the flu. Max Brooks said outbreaks have happened and been contained and that could be because the zombie virus wasn't able to reproduce well enough.

_SONIC_ wrote: »

when you kill them the pressure of their blood being pumped around their body would spray out and if your not wearing protection it might get in your mouth!!!

Zombies have no blood pressure. I don't think you'd see much blood splatter at all once all the blood has coagulated. The image of bloody zombies and blood spraying all over the place is a wrong one imo, it's just not going to happen.

unreggd · 14-01-2010 8:02pm

ScumLord wrote: »

the human bite isn't all that strong to begin with.

WRONG

The jaw has some of the strongest muscles ever. We could probably bite through stone if our teeth could stand it

Doctor DooM · 15-01-2010 10:43am

OP updated with the content of the first couple of posts.

ScumLord · 15-01-2010 12:24pm

unreggd wrote: »

WRONG

The jaw has some of the strongest muscles ever. We could probably bite through stone if our teeth could stand it

The human jaw is designed for talking, it's never throughout it's history even back when we where little monkeys been a particularly good biting jaw. We cook our food for a reason.

NOGMaxpower · 15-01-2010 1:48pm

Just thought of another rule but I duno if you guys have the stomach for it...

"always practice safe sex with Zombies"

Who knows she might be hot and worth tying up lol

Musashi · 19-01-2010 8:25am

Swinging a big sword tires you out and is awkward in corridors.

A 21oz. claw hammer can be swung all Day!

Pike, sprong, pitchfork, all good for keeping Zeds at clobbering range or pinning them down so your team can finish them.

Stock up on medicines, spare glasses, basic foodstuffs, kerosene and lamp oil. First items to run out during a crisis are good barter goods.

ScumLord · 19-01-2010 12:18pm

Musashi wrote: »

A 21oz. claw hammer can be swung all Day!

Indeed it can, I sleep with one beside me.

L.Jenkins · 19-01-2010 11:30pm

21 oz hammer is too close range for my liking! I'll take a sledgehammer thank you very much!

Amhran Nua · 20-01-2010 1:27am

That fecker with the waay too strong attachment to their dog/impulsive significant other who went walkabout last week/tendency towards sociopathy, yeah, tell them the latrines are outside and quietly lock the door behind them.

Doctor DooM · 22-01-2010 9:30pm

"It's quiet. Almost too quiet."

Actually, it was perfectly quiet until you let the zombies know where we are.

ItSheepDawg · 04-02-2010 12:03am

I found this really helpful lol

Deise Musashi · 07-02-2010 1:54am

21 oz hammer is too close range for my liking! I'll take a sledgehammer thank you very much!

And what if you over commit and miss? Recover to swing again with a large lever and a heavy mass?

Mr. Roofing Hammer is just gonna be Bang. Bang. Bang. all day every day.

I've done enough roofing to know claw hammer can be fired hard and accurately even when your fecked and wishing it was over

You can accidentally cut yourself on a sword, hammer is a better bet in bed with you!

cyberwolf77 · 09-02-2010 4:01am

Silence saves lives.

irishmic · 10-02-2010 3:54pm

don't open the door if you hear gentle scratching theres a strong possibility its not a cute harmless puppy

Junco Partner · 10-02-2010 5:52pm

when in doubt, smash in their mouth

ldxo15wus6fpgm · 12-02-2010 11:37pm

don't ever use a flamethrower. which would you rather running at you, regular zombies or flaming zombies? think about it.

DJ_Deno · 06-03-2010 12:55pm

why do we have to always kill them, cant we all just get along??

opinion guy · 06-03-2010 12:58pm

Travis Straight Wreck wrote: »

don't ever use a flamethrower. which would you rather running at you, regular zombies or flaming zombies? think about it.

Have you got a problem with gay zombies ?

anomalous · 16-03-2010 11:40pm

Amhran Nua wrote: »

That fecker with the waay too strong attachment to their dog/impulsive significant other who went walkabout last week/tendency towards sociopathy, yeah, tell them the latrines are outside and quietly lock the door behind them.

this is always the most annoying part of the z movie there is always some stupid idiot with their own agenda who doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation - its the survival of the human race for gods sake

The Doctors rules for survival

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