Unable to be like the rest

LegacyUser

Hi guys, never posted on boards before but found this section while browsing and really need an unbiased third party opinion right now. I've been having a problem for a while now and it's the typical shyguy, can't talk to girls kinda thing. Very Hollywood.

I pass up so many opportunities to talk to girls I like or even don't like purely out of fear. Something in my own head convinces me that there will be a negative outcome and I'll end up embarassed and demoralised from the whole thing. I really terrify myself to be honesy. Anyway, just when I thought I'd finally gotten past this and really started connecting with this one girl, I find out she's going on Erasmus for the year. This effectively gave me a countdown time to establish some sort of relationship or close the deal. I just let it go tho. She's gone now and I was kicking myself for it.

I promised I wouldn't let that happen again and just the other night I saw a girl I'd liked for a long time but of course never knew how to make that first move with. We got on really well but then familiar fears came back and I ****ed it up again. It's very frustrating to see guys just do it so naturally. I've been told I'm a very good looking guy and it's not that I let that go to my head or anything, I just think my lack of confidence and everything is definitely very unattractive.

Anyone got any advice on how I should approach the situation? I find I'm not myself, i try to impress and I end up appearing like a total douchebag. To be honest, I probably come across like I'm trying to ride anything that moves when really that's not the case at all.

ohanloj3

My friend is actually teaching me how to approach guys and act around them at the moment . My friend says when were out that I do get attention but I always think guys are taking the piss and don't really like me at all and I give them a dirty look, a smart comment or the cold shoulder so they just give up!! My confidence is non existant and very rarely succeed at proceeding with anything.

I hope you get some good advice here, good luck!

yop

OP - It doesnt come natural to anyone so dont think you are any different.

What you are probably lacking is the tinyiest bit of courage but once you can get over that once or twice it will come "natural" to you and you will wonder how you never did it before

The worst than can happen is that they will say NO, but take it on the chin and move on. Its easier to take a "No" than to wreck your head with "Ifs".

The next time you are heading out put on your finest and go for it.

Best of luck, long time since I was there but I know the situation.

unattendedbag

It appears that you are bricking it everytime you feel you have to "chat-up" women. (God I hate that phrase). Try to get more experience in just talking casually and having a conversation with a woman. If you see a girl you like then just ask her for the time, or ask her for directions (even though you know where your going). If your standing waiting for a bus then start smalltalk with the woman next to you. Something about the weather or ask her where she's from/going to, etc. You get my drift. If she doesnt reply or blanks you then no worries, it just looks bad on her.
The more experiencee you have in just general chit-chat and conversation then the easier it will be to talk to a girl you fancy. Luckily confidence can be improved by practice. The guys you see pulling all the corny chat-up lines and trying every girl in the pub have probably asked out 1000's of women. Your better off getting to know girls by talking to them casually. just get to know them for a while before suggesting a date, or phone number. A "NO" is no big deal if you have been polite and respectfull, as most girls are flattered at being asked out even if they are unavailable.

LegacyUser

That's the thing. It's not a matter of I feel I have to 'chat up' women (I also detest that phrase) - I'm fully aware of the importance of getting to know the person. I'm not the type who particularly enjoys wearing the face off someone on the dancefloor with minimal chat - ironically. I'll only go for someone who's company I enjoy but then again, that just worsens the problem. It's down to the fact that I struggle to create and continue conversation with strangers in general, but when it comes to someone I'm interested in it worsens. I can deal with any stranger I have no interest in in this way (while being extremely uncomfrotable) if you get me. It's something I've overcome.

When it comes to a girl though it's a blank mind caused by a severe lack of confidence. Everything I can think of to say seems stupid and I've gotten a lot of weird looks and awkward silences after being introduced to attractive girls, like attractive girls speak another language. I know, it seems ridiculous to me too, but it's probably been a justification in my mind before!