Australia with bf or not?

LegacyUser

ok ill try to make this quick...just want a few opinions...
going out with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, we have always talked about going away for 6months/ a year, travelling/working etc but recently we have been fighting a lot and have nearly broken up twice in the past month..so anyway..

he wants to go to australia soon but i don't know whether i should go with him or not, a few friends are thinking about heading out this time next year and i would like to go out with them but would rather go out sooner.
i would love to go with my boyfriend but im afraid that we will argue a lot and perhaps break up and i will have no-one i know over there if we do.

so i have two options...go over with my friends in a year and end up breaking up with my boyf as he says he will go even if i dont want to, or..
go with my boyf in 2/3 months and hope everything works out?

thanks for reading, i realise ive left a lot of details out but any opinions on the situation so far would help

star-pants

Well, if you guys aren't on the most solid ground right now, him going over on his own may prove breaking point.

I'm not saying go with him for that reason. But I'm saying you guys need to talk it out either way, obviously there's an issue if ye are arguing and you think you might breakup.
Being on rocky ground means ye may not be strong enough to last one half being on the other side of the world.
You said ye have always talked about going away together so he's been semi preparing for this, so if you pull out, he's still worked towards going away now, so in a way I can understand his resolve of still wanting to go.

Are there specific issues you guys are fighting over? i.e. can things be resolved?

LegacyUser

thanks star-pants,
yeah he's definetly going to go either way, he's on the dole and wants to get out of the family home anyway,
ive finished college and working a ****ty job anyway so could easily go...the arguements are silly and most are because he's making no effort in the relationship, he blames being here and says it would be different if we move away but im not too convinced.
agh so confusing! i sound silly, people have worse problems i suppose!

star-pants

Hey it's a problem to you so it's far from silly.

I think maybe you guys should sit down and have a good talk about this, look at things realistically etc. He might be right with things being different, it can be hard when things are crappy and you're not in good form, and being away from 'stress' as such can lift a weight. Maybe that's what he means, that all this stuff here is getting him down a little and he wants out.
But if he's making zero effort, that's an issue, he can't blame that completely on the situation here/at home. And I can understand your reserve at wanting to go away if he doesn't appear to be doing much now, why would being in Australia be any different?
Does he love you/care for you? Do ye still do couply things or is it very routine and boring?

harvardgal

Its a tough one but I think you need to ask yourself, do you really want to be in this relationship? Do you really want to go to Oz? Will things really change?
I'll just fill you in on what happened when I was in the same situation. I was going out with a guy for a year. I was the one who always wanted to go to Oz and basically he said he'd go cause he didn't want us to break up. To be honest in retrospect, I actually wanted to go on my own. We'd been fighting before we went and I knew he didn't really want to go and that he would hold me back. We fought almost from minute one. I was miserable, as was he. I wanted to break up, but i couldn't do that to him so far from home as I knew he wouldn't handle it. So we struggled for few months and ended up going home early. We then broke up. I have miserable memories of Australia and feel I wasted the whole experience. I'm not saying that will happen to you but its just something to think about, I thought things would change, they didn't.
Just think long and hard about whether you really want to go and whether you want to be with him long term. Go with your honest feeling. Don't just do something to keep someone else happy as it won't work.