asking for money

sbrnohalloran

Hi guys this is my first post so bare with me, me and my boyfriend have been living together for 10 years or so now and have 2 beautiful children, we have decided its time to get married and have set a date for December this year.I saw a post another woman had put on a wedding forum about hiring a wishing well for her wedding and attaching poems to the invitations asking for money instead of gifts.
She assured this was tactfully done put was still slated for such an idea anyway, by other forum members.Over the years we have built a home around us, so im not going to lie, the idea of getting money instead of gifts is appealing.

Opinions Please and be gentle:)

omahaid

I don't know exactly how to do it.

My suggestion would be not to ask for money at all, most people will know that you are living together for years so wont need a toaster.

Leave it to the guests common sense is my suggestion.

smelltheglove

There are not may people who give gifts anymore, more often money. I was actually amazed we only got 3 gifts at our wedding and we expressed to many guests that we did not expect anything at all. We had around 20 guests that did not gift us anything and it didnt bother us at all because for us it was about having these people with us on this day nothing else.

I know there are many people who still go by gift lists and many people who request money as gifts but would you not rather an element of surprise? I mean its unlikely you will get many gifts rather than money anyway especially since you are together so long.

Most people do give money these days anyway, especially when they know the couple have already built a home together etc.

We got an invitation last year which basically said that gifts were not important, only your company but if you wanted to give a gift then a donation to help us with our honeymoon. Obviously it worded alot better than this!

I'll see if I can dig it out

sbrnohalloran

Deleted User wrote: »

Most people do give money these days anyway, especially when they know the couple have already built a home together etc.

We got an invitation last year which basically said that gifts were not important, only your company but if you wanted to give a gift then a donation to help us with our honeymoon. Obviously it worded alot better than this!

I'll see if I can dig it out

Ah thanks, ya something like that would be nice, don't get me wrong if no one gave us a penny it wouldn't be the end of the world, the most important thing is that our friends and family are there on the day.

sbrnohalloran

Thanks for the other replies as well guys, didn't expect it this quick

antiskeptic

sbrnohalloran wrote: »

Opinions Please and be gentle:)

Say nothing at all. Most folk will give money (is our experience)

sbrnohalloran

http://www.sydneywishingwellhire.com.au/heart-wishing-well.php

I would like to have something like this at our reception, as i said i got the idea from a woman on another site and i really like the idea, it would be lovely for photos etc. just have to find one now. Maybe the quests would like it too, she said it went down a treat at her reception. My boyfriend is against it but i like it.

Toots

sbrnohalloran wrote: »

http://www.sydneywishingwellhire.com.au/heart-wishing-well.php

I would like to have something like this at our reception, as i said i got the idea from a woman on another site and i really like the idea, it would be lovely for photos etc. just have to find one now. Maybe the quests would like it too, she said it went down a treat at her reception. My boyfriend is against it but i like it.

Dear god, don't do that! You might as well just charge admission at the door! It might go down well in the states or somewhere like that, but I seriously can't see it working here. There are a good few threads on here about the pros and cons of asking for cash gifts, and there's usually an overwhelming consensus that it's not a good idea.

I wouldn't be crazy on the wishing well idea. It's really quite tacky - sorry - just my opinion though.

sbrnohalloran

Hi toots she was an English woman, do you not think it would be nice feature at the reception and be more formal than giving the cards to a half drunk best man:)

sbrnohalloran

Deleted User wrote: »

I wouldn't be crazy on the wishing well idea. It's really quite tacky - sorry - just my opinion though.

Absolutely fine thanks for taking the time to reply, this is great wasn't expecting so much feedback so quickly

Toots

I agree with whoopsy, it'd come across as tacky and possibly a bit cheeky too. TBH if you're already living together with kids, I'd say most people will just give cash because they'll know that you've already got all the stuff you need.

How Strange

IMO, don't under any circumstances ask for money instead of gifts. IMO it's crass and downright rude. A gift is just that and in theory at least you should graciously accept whatever you get.

I'm saying this as someone who's getting married in two months and would prefer money over gifts for the same reason as you. We're set up with everything we could want and there's just no room for anything else in our apartment.

We've mentioned it to key family members that while we don't expect gifts per se we would prefer money over actual gifts if someone wants to give one and this will filter out to other guests.

hunnymonster

The only problem with asking the bride who used the well is, that unless she has some very strange guests, they are unlikely to have given her any negative feedback on any aspect of her wedding day so her honest opinion is biased. I know I've been to weddings where I've not enjoyed aspects of the couples day but I would never dream of telling them. It's their day and I'm happy to go along with whatever they want.

If the well could be seen as a place to leave messages then great (I love hearing the telegrams at a wedding and this would be in a similar vain) but the cynic in me thinks most people would see it as an Irish bank (i.e. a place to deposit money, never to be seen again). If you're fine with that then great. It's your wedding day so do whatever you want but just be aware of how it looks.

hunnymonster

smelltheglove wrote: »

...I was actually amazed we only got 3 gifts at our wedding and we expressed to many guests that we did not expect anything at all. We had around 20 guests that did not gift us anything and it didnt bother us at all because for us it was about having these people with us on this day nothing else.

Thanks for this info smelltheglove. I've seen lots of "most people give money these days posts but this is the first that actually said how many people gave gifts (and not).

How Strange

puddie77 wrote: »

Hi how strange appreciate you taking the time to answer. This well isn't all about money, it's also a place where people can leave a little note or best wishes for the future similar to a guest book that's passed around at some weddings and of course whatever we get will be accepted graciously. Some of the websites have the most beautifully decorated wells and i think it would be a lovely addition at the entrance to the reception for example, for as i said already somewhere for people to leave a little note offering best wishes etc. I have sent a pm to the woman who i first got the idea off asking her exactly how it went down with guests, hopefully she will be totally honest and ill go from there then.

I never mentioned anything about your well. I was talking about asking specifically for money as a wedding gift. However, now that you mentioned it I think it's tacky.

NextSteps

Sorry, but I think it's quite tacky. They might be used to it in Sydney but I don't think people here would get it. There'd be a lot of speculation about what the point is and whether it's grasping. Sometimes on delicate things like money,it's best to stick to custom.