whats the lesson in unrequieted love?

iguana2005

met this guy 3 years ago - first few weeks were the best - probably my first time really falling for someone and he the same..circumstances drove us apart but always in contact..met up with him twice this year - a foreign holiday he paid for and lately with some members of his family.

however have reliased my feelings if anything are stronger but his not..he was the one to make contact this year about the holiday + family meeting but for past few months i didnt get a happy xmas, no texts, no birtday text or emails. just made contact with him now and he came back straigt away saying having a great time etc...

if i didnt make contact i dont think he would have...

whats the big lesson in this? i loved him and still do..he doesnt really care...am in my late 30's and although not desperate i reliase tis was my last chance of meeting someone...am so angry and wish him dead now...am back to my miserable ****ing existance without him or thinking of him

Abi

Theres no one-line answer to your question.

In short, it takes two people to want a relationship to make it work? I don't mean to simplify your feelings for him, but you are going to have to see it for what it is, and somehow find a way to move on.

To be honest, you might not some help with this. Wishing someone dead is not right, and you know that.

iguana2005

i know..wishing him dead was just a moment of complete anger...wouldnt be the first women to wish someone dead being honest...

why do some people just seem to have it on their laps? am battling with crap at home with my elderly parents + some personal desisions im trying t make..everyone seems to be moving on..how do you move on from your parents who are alcoholics and getting worse and worrying about their future..about the guilt put on me cause i dont have kids or a mortgage and dont know what to do with my life...about the debt im trying to pay off cause of bad mistakes in the past..

some people just swan around life.no dramas apart from te natural ones..he was a light in the middle of all that crap and i loved it and now its gone again....bollix..

Abi

iguana2005 wrote: »

i know..wishing him dead was just a moment of complete anger...wouldnt be the first women to wish someone dead being honest...

why do some people just seem to have it on their laps? am battling with crap at home with my elderly parents + some personal desisions im trying t make..everyone seems to be moving on..how do you move on from your parents who are alcoholics and getting worse and worrying about their future..about the guilt put on me cause i dont have kids or a mortgage and dont know what to do with my life...about the debt im trying to pay off cause of bad mistakes in the past..

some people just swan around life.no dramas apart from te natural ones..he was a light in the middle of all that crap and i loved it and now its gone again....bollix..

You need to sort out one problem at a time. Firstly (I don't care if I get slated for this), but if you're parents have a problem with drink then they themselves have to address this. This won't be done until they are ready to deal with it, but in the meantime you are watching your life pass you by.

Can you leave? I'd be gone for dust. I don't mean that I'd cut off all ties with them, but I would make them stand on their own two damn feet. No guy is going to whisk you away from all of this, and I think you've put to much hope into this guy 'rescuing you' from it all.

Only you can change all of this OP.

iguana2005

yeah i hear ye...been battling these issues for years unfortunaly but have gotten help..just born into a circle of crap..dont live at home(am in my late 30's)..have been to al anon and aware they need to sort them selve...wont happen...very perhocial irish parents in their 70's...they think AA is about cars...pressure to look after them and worry about future...

sur i could be worse - lost 2 good mates to breast cancer last year under the age of 45...scary stuff...their struggle was horrendous...

am going travelling again this year - people tell me m running from my problems..i dont care

Nevyn

One lesson is that you are open to being in love, want to be in love and are looking for a relationship, all of which are good things to know about yourself.

Another is that you are falling for the idea of the person rather then who they are,
you can't know them after such a short space of time and are casting them in the role of
what and who you want in you life and you then get frustrated when he doesn't live up to that.

So take a step back, try not to waste any more time or engery on him and start looking for someone who will want to be with you and will make the effort to be in a relationship with you.

No one has a drama free life, no one. You just dont' know what is going on in his life or that of others.

IF you want to break away from your parents then move out, you have to make the changes you want in your life happen and not wait around resentful of a white knight that never comes.

Gyalist

I'm sure I remember a post from you last year in which you called your married friends with children "ghouls", which I understand is a very derogatory way of describing someone in Cork. If you feel that way about your friends, I'd guess that people you dislike have a lot to fear.

It may be unintended, but your posts tend to come across as full of bitterness and anger for those who you perceive as having a happier life than yours. This can't be good for you and it probably plays a part in why men are reluctant to commit to you.

iguana2005

Gyalist wrote: »

I'm sure I remember a post from you last year in which you called your married friends with children "ghouls", which I understand is a very derogatory way of describing someone in Cork. If you feel that way about your friends, I'd guess that people you dislike have a lot to fear.

It may be unintended, but your posts tend to come across as full of bitterness and anger for those who you perceive as having a happier life than yours. This can't be good for you and it probably plays a part in why men are reluctant to commit to you.

True true..oh dear im turning into a bitter old woman..back to the drawing board for me...sigh..

Abi

iguana2005 wrote: »

am going travelling again this year - people tell me m running from my problems..i dont care

I think this could be the best thing for you, if you can manage it. You need a clean slate, and to be out of the ring for a while.