I'm giving up on men.

carlychick

sorry have to moan but i am so fed up of men.

at 36 i am normal, a country girl, have travelled a lot.... have been in a couple of relationships - last one broke up with a guy a year ago...since that i have met nothing but 'rats'.

ok - down through the years have always partied etc.have met loads as well but now that i am 36 and ALL of my friends are married expecting babies and in Serious relationships (i am very happy for them don't get me wrong) i just wonder why it has'nt happened to me!

ok - ive never been worried or bothered about meeting someone im not desperate to get married or have children if it happens great. but it would be nice to meet someone to do stuff with, go places with and have good sex but all i meet are love rats (& i am into clubs and sport etc...)

but ah the scene is cruel and i am so unlucky. say in the last 6 months - met a guy martin who i thought was country, decent ok in fairness he didnt want sex we dated but he was rotten and strange, met another guy paul who turned out to be what I would call a white collar criminal, met another guy who just wanted to get laid, sent me the most rotten and vulger text messages. then went onto a dating site bizarrely met martins friend sean who i had a date with last monday night.

he wanted to meet on wednesday night & i couldnt travel to meet him cause of the weather but he invited me to stay in his house. he was travelling back home to work with his parents last night so he invited me to drop into him for a cuppa so i did, but ah all the time he was just hinting that i should take advantage of him...we kissed (don't get me wrong i am not a 'nun' but i am not looking for a one night stand...i'd like a bit more (some people can have one night stands, i just cannot do it i prefer to know someone) anyways, he had to go home text me 5 minutes later to say that - he hoped id take advantage of him. i have'nt heard from him since last night.

apparently, the girl who owns the house will be back next week & he has a single room...this is what he is telling me. & we left he saying - we'd be meeting up plenty of times and he'd be in touch. yah right - he won't be. i doubt he will as far as i can gauge in my gut he just wanted to get laid. (even though his profile stated that he wants a serious relationship and he was telling me he wants more than a one night stand which he could pick up easily)

are their any decent guys left? i would have said that martin and sean were good country lads and i am just so disillusioned by the scene. ive had so much bad luck, i am just giving up on men. i can't do the scene any more. i am a sincere 'normal' girl yah i know we girls all have our moments but i have a lot to give & enjoy having the craic etc.. does anyone else feel the same? can you share your thoughts........ thank you

carlychick

sorry just to add i am not naive i am not so fussy i am open,don't think i am asking a lot just a decent,respectful, honest type of a guy. but im exhausted from the scene and hoping to meet mr.right. i guess some people are destined to be on their own.

Zaph

Hi OP. Just one small point - proper sentences and paragraphs would make that a lot easier to digest and make people more inclined to read it. If no-one reads it they won't be able to give you any advice.

star-pants

I can only echo Zaphs comment - that was tough reading.
So . . do you take a break from dating? I know you said the last guy was a year ago but that you'd been 'dating' since then.

Sometimes a break is needed, for your own wellbeing.

I'm only 26, but a good few of my friends are in long term relationships/engaged/babies etc.. yes I envy (but don't begrudge) them, and I've had crappy luck with relationships. Some part of me will always hold out hope that I'll find someone who'll feel for me the way I feel for them. Maybe it's stupid, but maybe it's not.
I know I can't force it, and I know that I'm going to get hurt along the way, possibly more than I have been before, but we say we're going to 'give up on men' yet we never truly do.

Take a break, forget all this dating site scene, just live, without the pressure of needing to have what others do. Because if you try dating now, you're so wrapped up in the negativeness of the previous dates, even if you met a good guy you'd probably be too paranoid about the bad things to give him a decent chance.

I know after a breakup I feel awful. There are days when I do wonder 'what's the point?', and 'all I meet are guys who lie/cheat/don't want to be with me' but if that's all you see, that's all you'll get. If that's my thinking, then I won't even go on a date, because I know I'm not in the right frame of mind.

People might laugh at all I've said, or say the complete opposite.
but this is just my take, my view on it.

Ok not everyone gets a happy ever after, but it doesn't mean you should stop trying, when the time is right.

2manyconditions

carlychick wrote: »

sorry just to add i am not naive i am not so fussy i am open,don't think i am asking a lot just a decent,respectful, honest type of a guy. but im exhausted from the scene and hoping to meet mr.right. i guess some people are destined to be on their own.

Maybe you should be fussy, fussy can cut out alot of the losers. Don't give up tho' - star-pants is right take a break from it until your in good form for it.

LegacyUser

Remember you only need to meet ONE man, therefore it doesn't matter how many frogs you kiss - you can't even generalise about men under these circumstances, cause it doesn't matter what most of them are like, you just need one nice one.

This time 3 yrs ago (I was 33) I gave up completely for three months - I'd had about twenty bad men in a row... but the next one was a dream and I'm now married.

Also don't be hung up on whether a guy is country or not, there are alot of idiots down the country, be open to townies, foreigners, whatever. People are just people.

kjl

sounds to me like you are looking for faults, give people a change. martins friends didnt sound so bad, at least he wasnt forcing himself on you.

jimmycrackcorm

carlychick wrote: »

but ah the scene is cruel and i am so unlucky. say in the last 6 months - met a guy martin who i thought was country, decent ok in fairness he didnt want sex we dated but he was rotten and strange

What does this mean - especially the want a man tobe country bit?
Perhaps you're not explaining what you are looking for.....

networks

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

What does this mean - especially the want a man tobe country bit?
Perhaps you're not explaining what you are looking for.....

i suppose shes saying she would prefer to date someone from maybe from her own background from the country areas cos we are great craic,enjoy life,and the snow and ice is not the end of the world,its part of nature;)

magneticimpulse

I could read your post fine. You come across as if you know what you want and that great. Thou like star-pants said, you can be 16, 26 or 36 and finding that nice person is always a challenge. The feeling of searching and nearly giving up are the same feelings regardless of age. I would enjoy the dates more, dont have such high expectations. You have tried internet dating, sports and clubs...so you seem to be doing everything right...just takes time.

In fact, think, "Im just going out for a drink and a laugh with this guy". We might kiss and thats it! I think your thinking about "serious relationship" before taking the baby steps along the way to get there. Martins friend Sean seemed ok. You should be happy he wanted you to stay over....most hot blooded males would. I wouldnt put that against him. Maybe sometimes you have to write that text or arrange the date? Dont leave it all up to him.

As others said you are looking at the negatives now and that is not good. You also talk about "country folk". Like another poster pointed out, people are people! Whether they are from the countryside or city...everybody is human at the end of the day. That in itself shows that you are closed to dating only country people. Why not try dating a guy from a city? He could be equally as nice. Be open minded not small minded.

Bottle_of_Smoke

The thing is, just because a guy wants to sleep with you quite soon, it doesn't mean he wouldn't want a serious relationship too.

Warfi

It sounds from your post like you're down on men full stop. You'll find it hard to go into relationships with an open mind if you've already decided that they're no good. Take a break from men for a while, and do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself back on track.....go on holiday, start a new hobby-anything that gives you time to reflect.

carlychick

hi there, i would like to thank you all sincerely for your replies and making me feel better. (just want to say that; i don't mind meeting a city or country guy i am open. people are people). the post about a guy wanting to sleep with you does'nt mean that they don't want a relationship is interesting. i guess i am SO afraid of getting hurt. i think that martin was such a strange experience.i guess i am just fed up of playing the scene almost 18 years now! i would like to meet the 'special one'. sean - yah id fancy him for sure, i hope i have another date with him this week and i will stay over with him if i am invited.

also, i guess i need to chill out a little bit. not have so many expectations as you suggested, thank you.

i will keep hoping that i find mr.special

miec

It sounds from your post like you're down on men full stop. You'll find it hard to go into relationships with an open mind if you've already decided that they're no good.

+ 1

The thing is, just because a guy wants to sleep with you quite soon, it doesn't mean he wouldn't want a serious relationship too.

+ + 1

Op as another poster pointed out it only takes one man but I would change your mindset as well, the men looking for casual flings are not rats, they are just chancing their arm, they didn't get there with you and you are better of without a man like that unless you want the same thing.

Ditto with the weird men, the world is full of different people, maybe for now take a break or just take things as they come and try to see each person as an individual, not just MEN who you deem as not worth it. Each man you meet is a person as well just like you, (even if he is type you don't like).

LegacyUser

Hey Dont be so down on yourself.. and know this.. there are definately lots of us in a similiar boat as yourself.
I came out of a breakup last June.. after coming back from Australia with a guy.. he told me on holiday in oz that he didnt know if he wanted to be with me.. He did that to me on my dream holiday and it seriously devestated me. We came back and it was very on and off and he completely messed up my head and has really turned me off trusting guys. he tells me that hes walked away from every relationship hes ever had in his life and never regretted it. told me he didnt want to walk away from me.. but in the end he did.
But seriously i gotta be strong and think to myself.. well come on hes the one with the problem! if you can just walk away from a person you told you loved so easily and hurt them so much then your the one with the problem,

Now i have a great social life, great friends ( I dont know what id do without them) and ive met a few guys and gone on dates, but like yourself i am just not in the frame of mind and im like you giving out about guys all them time.

people keep telling me to concentrate on myself.. thing is i have been in a few relationships all in a row that i dont know who i really am.. and perhaps need to be happy with me before anyone else can make me happy... thats the advise i would give you too.. one of these days youl go out and wont even expect it and meet someone. I was in a 5 year relationship a few years back.. when that ended i was devestated.. thought i would never ever meet anyone.. then i met the next guy ( whos the latest ex) but still i wasnt expecting to meet anyone..

keep your head up we all have bad days and bad feelings about our love lives.. one day itl all change hopefully!

carlychick wrote: »

hi there, i would like to thank you all sincerely for your replies and making me feel better. (just want to say that; i don't mind meeting a city or country guy i am open. people are people). the post about a guy wanting to sleep with you does'nt mean that they don't want a relationship is interesting. i guess i am SO afraid of getting hurt. i think that martin was such a strange experience.i guess i am just fed up of playing the scene almost 18 years now! i would like to meet the 'special one'. sean - yah id fancy him for sure, i hope i have another date with him this week and i will stay over with him if i am invited.

also, i guess i need to chill out a little bit. not have so many expectations as you suggested, thank you.

i will keep hoping that i find mr.special