Where do i stand?

LegacyUser

Last July i met this guy bout three years younger than me. Didnt start in the best fashion, i was absolutely in an awful way drink wise but he made sure i got home safe etc etc.

Starting seeing each regularly after that point. I wasnt that in to him at the time as i was recently graduated and the fact that i had no immediate prospects (like the rest of the country) and was not where i expected to be in life at that time, took its toll on me at the time. I explained the situation to him but to be honest i was abit nasty to him at times.
We fell out of contact for a few months until about October when i contacted him, we were hanging out a bit with each other for a few weeks and then started to see each other.

Things had been going well with him since, until a few weeks back.
Another problem is if i seem in a bad mood, he thinks hes done something wrong and switches on me all together. Its never that, as if I had a problem i wouldnt hesitate to say it to him. I had a major blow out with him before christmas as to be honest he made me feel like a complete wagon to him and felt like he couldnt trust me. I understood this as i hadnt been good to him in the past.

I was really trying to make the effort with him and prove to him that i was mad about him which i am( its the first time ive felt like this about someone in a long time), but he seems to lose the plot with me easily.

He isnt one for expressing how he feels towards me and isnt the touchy feely type either, he gets very embarrassed about these tings. Im aware of this but at the same time it makes me feel like crap about myself and that i repulse him.

After we patched up things round xmas, things were good again until this week. He had often said to me that if i ever need to talk to him bout anything hes there for me ( ive had a lot of personal issues in the past that he is aware about.) .
Last weekend i found a lump in my breast. My housemates who are also my best friends werent around so i had no one to talk to about it. I contacted him a view times over the weekend but got no reply.

On the monday I called to him as i had to collect something off him. After the events of the weekend I obviously wasnt in the best form , so i didnt say much to him. After I had left he texted me "Is there sumthing Ive done, you barely looked at me while you were here.

I didnt give him the exact details of why i was upset but basically that I didnt have the best of weekends. He said he said he was there for me if I wanted to talk about it, but being in the mood I was i snapped and told him that I had needed to talk to him all weekend but wasnt there for me. I told him that I missed hi, he said the same thing and apologised for the weekend.

We organised to meet each other last night, the last few nights we were sending the usual naughty texts. So obviously was looking forward to last night. When he came over everything thing was good we were chatting, did the deed and then watched a movie. After the movie I tried to suggest seconds but he didnt want to. Fair enough. Also he wasnt staying over, which was also fair.
When he had to leave, it was like he couldnt wait to get away. He asked me for a kiss, i said no jokingly that he had to kiss me as he it was always me giving him a kiss. He went off in a huff then.

Bout half an hour later he said that he taut we should leave it
I rang him then and asked why he felt this. He said that he wants more but he feels that all we do is have sex. I was a bit lost for words for a moment. I asked him, why he thinks i dont want the same thing when clearly i do. I have told him Im mad about him. I said that I felt that he couldnt bear the touch of me, and that while we chatted while he was over, it felt like I dragged it out of him. I then asked him was there something else wrong, I had been thinking that there was, the previous few days. He said that it wasnt anything else but just everything between us. I asked him what he meant, but he said "you know its hard for me to talk about these things". I told him its hard for me as well but i make the effort. It felt like we were going round in circles so I told him to think about what he wants and what he thinks is best for him over the weekend, and let me know then.

So my questions

Part of me feels like he's getting me back for what happened during the summer
He feels like im using him for sex (im not)
There's something else bugging him
Or am I just being totally stupid and not realising hes lost interest in me altogether

dirtydress

God relationships are NOT meant to be that hard! Clearly you two are not matched for each other otherwise you would be able to talk to each other properly about stuff and not be in moods with each other if there's something going on personally with you. TBH it all sounds a little childish and you sound like extremely hard work! I would suggest to walk away from this one and think long and hard about why it was so difficult to communicate and why you played so many games with each other -getting in huffs because one didnt text the other back...really sounds like there's a lot of growing up to be done here.

LegacyUser

To be honest, though it is hard for me to admit, I can be very childish and petty and definitely need a serious dose of cop on to be fair
Being too much hard work ? Maybe but it has only been in the last few weeks that this characteristic has appeared. Im actually a very easygoing person.. Your point makes alot of sense to be fair and what you said was a bitter pill to swallow but sure thats because it touches a nerve.
When placed in the context of what ive written this is only 10% of the time weve been together
The thing is, the first time round I honestly could tell him everything and likewise for him. He has had is own problems that he has been very open about in the past. We get on very well for the most part. Its just all of a sudden he shuts down and I cant help. What maybe sticks out in my mind most is that he said a few weeks back was that he didn't want to get too comfortable as he was scared that I would lose interest in him again. Ive tried really hard to build up his trust but at the same time i dont want to come on too strong with him either. I see myself as the guilty party as I really gave him the runaround initially

dirtydress

What you have to remember is that break apart or not this should still be a relatively new relationship and really things shouldnt be THAT hard. You should be still in that "honeymoon phase" this early it but clearly there are a lot of issues here. If you really think that he's "getting back at you" or that there's a lack of trust there from the last time you were together thats affecting the relationship now then all i can say is to take a big step back from this one. If its meant to be then itll work out and both of you will want to make it work for you but right now it sounds like there are big clashes of personalities happening and both of you are too stubborn to see past it.

LegacyUser

Thanks dirty dress, some points that are completey spot on. Ill keep them in mind when I figure out whats the best direction to go with this one. THanks again

magneticimpulse

You sound like a relatively normal person and he sounds like a relatively normal person, but put together you guys repel each other. I think you have some problems from the past and he does also. Having this in common, I think has helped the 2 of you communicate and connect. However for some reason, sounds like he brings moods out in you and you bring moods out in him. Therefore always leading to an arguement.

It sounds like the 2 of you have extreme highs together and extreme lows together. I dont think its a one sided thing. I think his personal problems and your personal problems contribute to the overall mess.

It shouldnt be this hard and I understand that other times it can feel like the perfect relationship. But he shouldnt make you feel this bad about yourself. I would suggest you date someone with less drama in their life. ie someone less dramatic and maybe even boring...but who is balanced and helps bring the best out in you, rather then the worse. He doesnt seem so sure what he wants and its just all leading to conflict.

Its best to take a break from this one. Get your thoughts together, talk to someone about your problems, get the lump checked out etc. Concentrate on yourself at the moment

LegacyUser

To update. End was put to the relationship more his decision but to be honest, the more I think about it the more sense it makes. . Have cut all ties with him, its for the best. he wanted to be friends but taut it would be too hard, seeing him but not being with him would have horrendous. I explained this all to him and all i got back was a one letter reply "k".
Dunno what was worse, the idea that he didnt realise he was hurting me so much or that he didnt care. Have seen a different side to your man, a very cruel, cruel side in the past few days. The positives i can take from it is that i dont feel so guilty anymore because it wasn't all me. As I see it when you reach rock bottom the only way is up. Thanks you two for your help