When stories spread

LegacyUser

This is destroying me and my social life at the moment, threatening to get worse.

I'm nearly 20, not that experienced on the sexual front and a few months ago I was offered an opportunity to have a once off with an old friend who had returned home for a few weeks. When it got to the bedroom I didn't perform, I was a bag of nerves but didn't dwell on it as she seemed fairly understanding at the time.

Very recently I've discovered that her friends know and it has been spread quite far, today it reached people I associate with on a regular basis and is likely to go further, I don't know if there's anything I can do to stop the things that are being said from reaching my classmates in college (where I'm not too good socially as it is).

It's spiralling out of control and I don't know how to counter this. I can't speak to her at the moment, she's out of the country and her friends are unapproachable

Taltos

Only one thing will really work here - humour....
Just laugh if it is said to your face - and reply with something along the lines of - "your gf didn't seem to have any complaints last weekend"
- "just before getting down to it - the faces of those hundred before me...."
- "sobered up just in time and realised what a mistake I was making..."

Or just be honest - "yup should have laid off those beers..."

She really doesn't sound much of a friend - so I personally think you had a lucky lucky escape there OP.
Stop beating yourself up over this - it is alot more common than you think.
It will only be the news until 1 of 2 things happen - someone else messes up - or you mess it up more by showing how much this hurts you.

LegacyUser

Who gives a **** about these people at the end of the day? Maybe you were nervous because you thought the idea of casual sex with an old friend to be distasteful?

Sometimes the majority can be profoundly in the wrong OP. Our day and age worship sexual prowess like a latter day pagan God and those who can't function are left at the side of society as a laughing stock. **** them. You're your own man at the end of the day and this typically vain nonsense can stay at the backseat where it belongs.

LegacyUser

My big worry is that I wasn't even drunk, so i can't call on that card. It's easier said than done to just not give a **** about these people, the amount of people hearing this is alarming, I do care what some people think and it'd difficult to erase an exaggeration. Like if it takes half a minute to tell a lie and 2 minutes to undo that, you can see where i'm coming from

Bottle_of_Smoke

outraged011 wrote: »

Who gives a **** about these people at the end of the day?

Eh, he does. Like most humans he's concerned about his reputation.

Great post from Taltos. That's your only way out. Don't worry that it didn't happen, you were prob just weirded out that it was a friend.

LegacyUser

A mixture of that, I wasn't too attracted to her at all being honest, more so did it due to only having done it once before and that being over a year before hand.

Reputation is overrated IMO but mine's ****e as it is and I want to be able to attend college without this cloud over my head if possible. I don't think the 'I was drunk' excuse is going to work

BumbleB

what ? ,In the big picture of your life ,this means nothing

LegacyUser

BumbleB wrote: »

what ? ,In the big picture of your life ,this means nothing

You might think this is trivial but if you've nothing good to say, don't say anything.

well philosophic, unhelpful comments aside I don't think this is going to go away by simply rising above it. Would it be wrong to get all confrontational with her friends?

Ickle Magoo

There are only two people who actually know what happened that night, and she's out the country. What's to stop you saying you just weren't into her and she's being nasty because you knocked her back? She's not much of a friend and she seems to think you're reputation is worthless, why not grant her the same courtesy?

christina_x

please_help_184 wrote: »

You might think this is trivial but if you've nothing good to say, don't say anything.

well philosophic, unhelpful comments aside I don't think this is going to go away by simply rising above it. Would it be wrong to get all confrontational with her friends?

yep! it makes you seem more defensive ect which just adds fuel to the fire.
you could always blame her.."well it was gonna be a pity shag..but i unfortunatly wasnt drunk so couldnt get excited at the thought of her"
i'm sorry but she did a bitchy thing so theres no need to go all nice about it, damage her rep a bit;)

bSlick

Definitely the best course of action here is to just a laugh it off. If you start getting angry at people over it they'll see you're affected by it and it won't die down as quickly.

please_help_184 wrote: »

A mixture of that, I wasn't too attracted to her at all being honest, more so did it due to only having done it once before and that being over a year before hand.

You mightn't have realised but that is actually the perfect thing to say to people if it comes up. "What can I say, she wasn't that attractive, if she was better looking there would have been no problems lol". Completely true, completely takes the heat off you and might teach her to shut her mouth in future and not spread hurtful gossip.

BumbleB

please_help_184 wrote: »

You might think this is trivial but if you've nothing good to say, don't say anything.

well philosophic, unhelpful comments aside I don't think this is going to go away by simply rising above it. Would it be wrong to get all confrontational with her friends?

You put it up on an open forum , I gave you my opinion and you don't like it.

Get this in perspective, Today my heating in the house has broken and the pipes has frozen. Its was -12 o C last night and I'm not looking forward to tonight. No heat no water .

I don't think it's trivial at all , Youre overreacting unnecssarily and when people pick up on it they'll milk it to the ground.When things like this happen you don't become a victim .A victim feels he has no power and blames everything on external influences ,you have to go into damage limitation mode.

I had a friend who someone took a picture of him flashing and plastered it all over the place , he was a mini guy, and everybody knew all the people in his area all the girls etc. He still managed to get a girlfriend that year.

You'll look at this in years to come and go what was all that about. In the big picture of life ,stuff like this doesn't matter. Its you're lack of self confidence matters most.Good Luck

Cheap Thrills!

She is actually making a show of HERSELF if anything. Showing her ego is bruised because you didn't find her attractive so she is getting petty revenge by spreading stories about you. Thats pathetic of her. Really.

At this stage admit to people you didn't find her that attractive when it came to it. She has lost the right to you being a gentleman and keeping that to yourself so far.

You couldn't get it up because you found her unattractive, you didn't want to say it at the time to spare her feelings but why should you protect her now after she's done this. Shows you're a man with standards if anything, think about it that way.

Carsinian Thau

If you're sure you can't go with the drink thing (which btw, they wouldn't know if it was true or not so they'd just go with it), then just say that you weren't into her and leave it at that.

The most important thing is not to react. And to not obviously not react either.

Just stay calm and don't rise to any baiting.

Satyr_The_Great

Just ignore it, you could deny it but it would make it worse...or if anyone says anything, just say you had so much to drink that you fell asleep......

starchild

agree with most of the others , just let it go by, dont react to anyone saying anything, getting confrontational will only make it worse

as taltos said make light of it, this will die down very quick if you dont react to the clowns making a joke out of it

Thornography

Tell everyone she whipped out a """" that was bigger then yours....

As was said earlier, Humour in these cases is a definite win