Opinions

LegacyUser

Myself and my partner have in the past argued about my drinking.

He drinks very little. On nights out he would drink a bit more but I have only seen him drunk a handful of times in our 9 years together. His family would be very anti alcohol so he has a very black and white view of things, whereas my family are way too obsessed with drinking and most drink more than they should.

I know that at times I drink too much and I hate when I do. I always feel guilty and awful. In recent years it is just embarrassment for talking stupid and being an idiot but I have done certain things in the past I really regret.

Anyway I like to drink at home. Up until the start of December I would ave drank maybe 3-4 glasses of wine on a Friday night and possibly a few on Saturday too. Occasionally I would have a few during the week and very occasionally would drink a bottle of wine followed by a bottle of beer or something. Now I know that was too much. For me anyway.

My partner and I had achat the other night and he asked me not to drink much anymore. He wants me to cut down and only drink 2 drinks at a time and only when he is drinking at home with me. So I agreed that I don't like when I get drunk to the point of not remembering things and falling asleep early. But I still feel like he is tainted by his upbringing and therefore is making more out of this than it is.

I don't really know what I'm asking advice about. I guess do you think it is reasonable of him to request this. I like to unwind at the end of the week and feel like I shouldn't have someone dictate to me when and how much I can. But on the other hand I am unhappy with the fact that sometimes I get more drunk that I like and I would like to be able to control this more.

I agreed with him anyway that I said I wouldn't drink for a few weeks and when I'm drinking again it will be only a couple at a time. So I guess that is how it is going to be and that's grand. It's just it's saturday night now and I would like a drink and I'm not having one because he wouldn't be happy. I don't know if that is right either. I'm just all confused at the moment.

So I cut back. Over christmas I let loose a little. My family visited one night and I drank too much and was in bed before them.

LegacyUser

This is a tricky one. Personally I would say cut back on the booze because I think this country suffers from a cancer of binge drinking. But then again there shouldn't really be any problem in occasionally destressing with a bottle of red.

OP, ask yourself if you're unhappy when you're drunk (Especially the day after, hangovers leave permanant pyschological scars and lead you on the road to depression) Drinking to excess is madness and typical of this country. If you're unhappy, cut it out altogether. If it helps you unwind, then just cut back. Thats my advice anyway!

Taltos

You can only blame his upbringing so much.
Could it be that he is just plain worried that you are drinking just way too much?

I enjoy a drink - but your typical week exceeds what I would now drink in an avg month. Used to drink more when I was younger - but for different reasons I cut back - but the key here was I did it - was not asked or pressured by someone else to do it...

OS119

OP, your partner is trying - rather intelligently i think - to get you to change your relationship with alcohol from one where its used as a drug to dull senses to one thats used as a lubricant in social intercourse.

thats much better for you in health terms - both physical and mental - and its much better for your relationship because it becomes inclusive: you do it together when you're enjoying a night in with your partner, rather than the current model which is exclusive - you drink alone to desensitise you from the world, which obviously includes your partner who's watching you in mild to active disgust thinking 'grotesque old lush...'.

while your drinking habits are your business, and you have the absolute right to drink how much you want, when you want, you should know that to a bloke who doesn't drink - and certainly doesn't get drunk - a drunk woman is about the most unattractive (indeed repellent) sight he can behold. i would suggest that not only is he worried about you and your health, he's probably also worried about your relationship and how long he's going to be able to hang around a sight/experience that makes his skin crawl.

this is an excellent opportunity to do your health a favour, and to improve your relationship with your partner - its also a shot (however concious or unconcious) across your bows.

miec

Hi Op

I think you need to make this choice your own. Would you personally like to cut down for yourself or are you doing it to keep your partner happy? If you are doing it to please him then eventually you will resent him and have a blow out and it will cause a huge amount of problems.

The thing is whilst I can understand your partner's concern (are those 3-4 glasses of wine small ones or large - do you empty the wine bottle each time? only you can honestly answer that one). The thing is you have to make the decision to cut down for yourself.

Also do you feel pressure from your family to join in and get drunk? How influenced are you by their habits? If you decide to quit drinking for a few weeks make a note of the changes in your mood, health and attitude, is it pleasant or hard? You can if you want get to the stage where a couple of drinks is enjoyable but again only if you choose that option.