Not again!...

LegacyUser

Hey Guys!

ok well a few months ago i posted a post about my girlfriend breaking up with me and that her problem was that she just didnt love me anymore and see's me as a friend(her best friend) rather then a boyfriend (we were together nearly 2 years at this time) it was all very dramatic and to cut a long story short she rang me the next day and called up to me and we got back together (with a lot of help from the boardsies!) but when we were having "the back together chat" she promised me that if she ever had anymore feelings(that we werent gonna work out) that she would talk to me about them first. i agreed and off we went and had the best few months together.

So along came lastnight (together 2years 7months) i picked her up from home, and we were full of giggles in the car and went back to mine, we were having 2 of our friends up for dinner to which we were cooking fajihita's which i went out and paid for etc...

dinner was going great and she was standing behind me rubbing my head as we were talking and having a giggle with the 2 friends and then went into the living room to watch a dvd. all tru the dvd she was resting on me and i was cuddling her and she was kissing me etc...then we got into the car to go home (my friends were in there own car) and i litterly was not in the car for more then 20sec and she said "i need to talk to you" to which i replied "yea whats up hun?" and she said that i need to pull over as its serious. I had no longer pulled over and i got "i cant do it anymore, i dont have feelings for you anymore....your my best friend in the whole world but i just dont love you like a boyfriend" truely im gutted!!! she cried for ages and i did everything i could to hold back the tears (the last time i cried so much she said she didnt want to see me that upset over anyone ever again) so as i gave her my word that i would get upset like that i didnt! BUT she gave me her word that the next time she had a problem about us she would talk to me about it, but instead decided to spring this on me in a flash! all my friends (esp the 2 that were there lastnight could not believe it or even see where it came from!)

this happened lastnight at about 11pm to which i went back to a friends house and the 2 friends that i had for dinner told me to stay with them as i need to be around my friends, we had a few beers and watched the hangover and went to bed, i didnt get much sleep at all and cant even stomach the tought of eating.

im so down in the dumps right now it aint funny and to top it all off i lost my job a few weeks ago

Sorry for the rant people and im sure there are people out there with the own problems but i just wanted to put it in writing and see what people tought about this and what would they do in this situation. any advice is welcome please!

thank you.
DownInTheDumps

starchild

Thats pretty rough alright, sorry to hear that your going through this.

What i would try to do is respect her decision, from reading your post i have no doubt that she is hugely respectful of your feelings and that you are her best friend. Unfortunately being a best friend doesnt always mean being a life partner. I know how awful this is for you but i can assure you that it wasnt easy for her to do this to you either.

I would be pretty certain that she just didnt know how to bring this up with you and just came out with it. In all honesty you could do all the talking in the world with her and it still wouldnt change a thing , her feelings are what they are.

My advice to you would be to please try and remember that this isnt a personal thing, its not you being rejected because you did something wrong. Try and be as positive as you can, lean on your friends and off load on them when you feel the need to . Stay as occupied as you can as it gives you less time to think or dwell on things. Go to the gym, play football anything that keeps you busy.

The hardest thing for you both will be whether to be in contact or not, some people find they can remind friends, i am a firm believer in no contact for a while at least, it just makes it more difficult to move on with your own life.

Most of all remember that no matter how bad this feels there will come a point where this is a distant memory and you will feel fine again

best of luck

LegacyUser

thank you for the quick reply, my friend was talking to her on the phone and said that she sounded extremly upset...i then recieved the following text message from her saying: "sorry you feel like this has come from no where.this isnt like last time,its final as it gets unfortunatly,just feel like im wasting our time when its not something im completly committed to, i love you!....but just as my best friend"

i havent replied to this text yet and i dont intend on doin so either, my friends are bringing me out for a few drinks tonight to cheer me up but all i want is to have her back in my life as my girlfriend, i really tought she was going to be the girl id marry! we talked about it so many times and even have our kids names picked out. (i know it sad but thats how serious we were and how serious she led me to believe we were also)

im just so gutted and upset its hard to believe that over 2.5 years is gone in less then 0.5 a second......

Novella

Just wanted to say I hope you're ok, OP. Break up's can be really tough, especially when they come outta nowhere and you haven't been having any relationship problems etc.

Anyway, I think perhaps your ex gf might be one of those girls who isn't really too sure what she wants yet. There is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want, it just gets messy and complicated when it involves other people. I'm sure she wasn't messing with your head intentionally or anything like that.

The best thing to do now is probably to try and move on. Sounds a lot easier than it is but from reading your post, you seem to have great friends so concentrate on them and getting yourself back on your feet. Go out, have fun and just enjoy yourself. If you need people to talk to, without being cheesy, Boards is always here and a great place to meet new people and make new friends. Best of luck!

LegacyUser

hey folks, went out lastnight with the lads and the spoiled me rotten! had the best crack in the world and met loads of my friend of a friend people! funny thing was everyone was coming up to me saying they heard the news and that they were so sorry and if i needed anything that i knew where they are! it really hit home just how many friends i have and how much they care for me. I know this is gonna be really really bad but i also ended up scoring a girl lastnight. all it was was a kiss and nothing else but in a way i kinda feel like that helped !?!!? but then again i feel like a complete and utter tool for doing it and am kicking myself about it, but yet my friends are saying not to worry about it and that i dont have to answer to anyone so forget it.......uughh i dunno

anyway my other friend was talking to my ex earlier and said she sounded still very upset and that she couldnt talk but will give her a ring later and see whats happening, i just told me friend to tell her i said hello.

@Novella - i think ur right when u say that she is the kinda of girl that is not to sure of what she wants (you and about 10+ people have said it to me)

ill keep u guys updated if i hear of anything else but thanks for the support and been here for me.

LegacyUser

Glad to hear you are feeling better

I think you have a great attitude and should be given a pat on the back.You seem to be very accepting and understanding,really shows how much you loved this person to let them go.Be carefull you do this as much as it hurts you have to distance yourself from her.

The facts of the situation are that she doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want to be with you,so in truth she hurt you more than anyone cud hurt you and has the potential to do so again if you become her "friend" She is looking out for what she feels is best for her and you must do the same.

One year ago i had simliar sinaro happen to me living together 2.5 years he like, her felt we had no future i was gutted but from keeping my distance and having no contact whatsoever,my life picked itself back up quicker.There is no going back now for you only forwards i wish you the best of luck with everything.

LegacyUser

Ok well lastnight my friend gave my ex a ring and was having a chat with her, it turns out her brother heard her crying in her room and asked what happened (i get along very well with her brother) and apparently he was kinda shocked at how it happened. I was also told that she told her mother and father wat happened and that they were both very upset over it(her dad was like: only u know whats best but he was a lovely guy......her mother was very upset as i was close to her and said that i was the best one of them all). its nice to know that they respected me etc...

Anyway she mentioned to my friend that she text me on saturday and that i didnt write back. I know for a fact she expected me to text her back but i didnt so maybe that gave her a little bit of a shock? my friend said that she is thinkin about giving me a ring near the weekend. i spent yesterday on my own for about 1hour and it was horrible! everyone is ringing an textin me asking am i ok etc. just keeping myself busy at the moment but there is only so much you can do to keep busy. with rugby training off and only been able to go to the gym. i cant even listen to the radio in the car as i know ill hear a song that will remind me of her and ill just end up back to square one.....altho i dont think it quiet sunk into my mind yet. she also hasnt changed her status on facebook....its still says in a relationship with me.....

anyway if i hear anything from her or if my friend does then ill let ya know.

it was also her brothers birthday today so i sent him a text sayin happy bday.

oh before i go - were playing tag in the park across from her house tomorrow night because the pitches are still unplayable and this means i gotta park on her road....i just hope she doesnt see my car there...

@ Boredy - thank you so much for the kind words of advice...i guess you always think of the begining of something when it comes to the end IE: this relationship. altho i havent tought about the begining becoz i still have a feeling its not the end. ill take your advice tho about looking what is best for me as she is doing so for herself.

confussed.com

dude im going thru the exact same thing.. girlfriend didnt love me as a boyfriend anymore after 6 years...i havent been with any other girl did it really help you? i just wanted to let you theres someone going thru the same thing drop me a PM if ya wanna chat.. i know it cant help to talk.. i wish my friends wer as good as yours..

MidnightQueen

Aww my heart goes out to you! I could say i'm one of those girls that doesnt know what she wants. I had too relationships with guys and they too thought i was the one for them but i wasnt in love with them. Its hard to understand it, to be honest i dont myself.

Sanjuro

That's a rotten situation dude. It's never easy breaking up with someone. It's even worse when you're still in love with them, but they're not with you. From my own personal experience, I will say this. Put as much distance between yourself and your ex as possible for the time being. At least to give yourself a chance at getting past the immediate crippling pain of the break-up.
I don't mean this to sound bad, but at the moment, it seems like you're clinging to every possible glimmer of hope that this situation will end with you and the ex getting back together. The facebook comment, the things her family said, things that she's said to your friends. While it's great to hear that she obviously cares about you, these things are doing you no good. They give you false hope. Right now, you gotta look after yourself, and hope, while a good thing in some situations, can make you feel worse if things don't go your way. Your ex comes across as not knowing what she wants, and she's making you suffer for it. Breaking up with you, then getting back with you, then doing it again. Being affectionate, cuddly, warm and intimate with you and then breaking up with you a few hours later. That's not really on.

Give yourself some time to get used to the situation. It's okay for you to be selfish right now. And if scoring a girl helps you, then don't see it as a bad thing. It's not. Sure, your head's gonna be a bit of a mess right now. That's perfectly understandable. But right now, look after number one.