gutted over guy breaking contact without reason

LegacyUser

Hi I had been in contact with my ex since the end of September. He broke up with me in July because he wanted to go travelling and had a visa before he met me. He went to Oz and he asked before he went could we stay in contact. I agreed and everything was going fine, weekly contact either skype texts, or phonecalls. Much of this contact was initiated by him and that led me to believe he either saw me as friend or potential for us to get back together.

He would often say things in messages that led me to think there was still feelings there for him like to put more pictures on facebook because he wanted to see me etc. We would skype and get on great, have a laugh but nothing more. I have always wanted to go to Australia and had half decided to go during summer for two months. When i mentioned this to him he was saying you should visit me for a week or so too, I would like to see you. This was all going fine and when he would ring he would always ask am I still going to visit him, my answer was next June is a while away but I would like to.

When he left I told myself, if I was to be in contact with him, I could get a message someday that he had met someone else and to half expect it. But I didn't once think that he would just stop contact. I have rang him twice since before Christmas, left a voicemail and nothing back. Truth is I am absolutely devastated because even though I still had feelings for him I was never expecting anything to happen as I know travelling changes people. Every day I hear nothing I am just getting more and more angry and upset because I never thought he would do this. I am in shock that he would think that little of me to not even write a message or an e mail to let me know he didnt want to talk anymore. Maybe I was stupid to stay in contact but I have been with other guys since he left and he wasn't the be all. I am half thinking of e mailing him not to get a respponse but to just get rid of some of my anger and let him know how much I'm hurting. What should I do? How do people get over just being ignored like this without explanation?

CDfm

OP - I think you have answered the question for yourself and he probably met someone and you half expected it.

I would email but not to vent just to say that you havent heard from him in a while and ask if he is ok. Its not your style to vent otherwise you would have done it by now,

You would feel kind of stupid if it turned out he had been in an accident etc and hadnt contacted you for a genuine reason.

Your ego is a bit bruised thats all.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that, I just can't get over the fact that he doesn't even have the balls to even text and say cant be in contact , met somebody else or whatever. At least it shows a small bit of respect but obviously he isn't the person I thought he was.
I just never expected him to cut it all off without a word. It sounds stupid but Im finding it hard to concentrate on things because this keeps going through my head. I do think the least I deserve is some communication saying why he is stopping the contact. He made the effor since September when it suited him and now he just stops without a word. It's very hard to take.
Keep thinking I will never have something with a guy like I had with him and while I know this behaviour is pretty crap we got on so brilliantly. Its just not getting any easier as time goes on. How do people deal with this?

Warfi

unreg10 wrote: »

Keep thinking I will never have something with a guy like I had with him and while I know this behaviour is pretty crap we got on so brilliantly. Its just not getting any easier as time goes on. How do people deal with this?

Unless he's been in an accident, he's treated you like crap and there's no point thinking you had it good with him. If the relationship was that good, he wouldn't have treated you like this.

Don't waste your time thinking about him. If you continue to wonder what happened, things will not get any easier and you won't be able to move on.

Bottle_of_Smoke

How long has it been since he last contacted and have you contacted him?

On one hand i completely understand you being upset, on the other, he might justa been stuck for something to say and put it off for a bit. then never got around to it.

You say you haven'tbeen with other guys.... what does that mean? you're holding out or just a coincidence? it doesn't sound like hes expecting you to hold out

LegacyUser

No I think I wrote in my original post that I had been with other guys so even though I knew how I felt about him he wasn't the be all and end all. Sorry for the confusion.

Chinafoot

I did the Australia thing and I lost my phone 3 times! My credit also lasted feck all time and when money got tight calls were made only to family. When moving from accomodation to accomodation skype wasn't always an option either.

Look OP, he's off travelling and enjoying himself. You're not his girlfriend and you have no right to constant communication. Some of my best friends heard from me every few weeks or so when I was away. An ex certainly wasn't going to get anymore than that from me. I don't think he's treated you poorly at all to be honest. He doesn't owe you anything.

Send him an email and ask how his trip is going.

At the same time you need to move on from this and accept that you're no longer a couple. By all means see what happens when he comes home but don't waste your time waiting for this bloke.

Kimia

Chinafoot wrote: »

I did the Australia thing and I lost my phone 3 times! My credit also lasted feck all time and when money got tight calls were made only to family. When moving from accomodation to accomodation skype wasn't always an option either.

Look OP, he's off travelling and enjoying himself. You're not his girlfriend and you have no right to constant communication. Some of my best friends heard from me every few weeks or so when I was away. An ex certainly wasn't going to get anymore than that from me. I don't think he's treated you poorly at all to be honest. He doesn't owe you anything.

Send him an email and ask how his trip is going.

At the same time you need to move on from this and accept that you're no longer a couple. By all means see what happens when he comes home but don't waste your time waiting for this bloke.

Ah that's a bit harsh. It appears that they were talking weekly and while there was no commitment it was all very flirty and friendly. If I was in her position I would also be a little insulted about the complete blanking that this guy is doing.

Fair enough they are not a couple, but you don't have to be rude. He handled this very badly I think. All he needed to do would be to email her and say something like Oh sorry didn't get back to you, have met someone and been busy - and she would have been fine with that.

Maybe he doesn't owe her anything but why does he think a total end to their friendship is necessary? Pretty big leap to make?

Either way, I'd leave it now OP. You could send him a message asking him how he is and if he hasn't replied in another 2 weeks I would then tell him that you're hurt by his behaviour and then don't contact him again. And no he's not the man you thought he was clearly.

LegacyUser

Chinafoot I never said I expected constant contact with him. He initiated most of it and it had been on a weekly basis. I understand that things might be busy for him to get in touch over there but I'm his friend on facebook and I don't think it's too much to ask to write a one line message stating his reasons for the no contact.

He asked me would I go to see him in summer, he kept bringing it up every time he rang and even said he looked forward to it. It just hurts that before Christmas he was contacting almost every week and now absolutely nothing at all. I know I deserve better than that, maybe you think its ok to just blank people who you give impressions you care about but I certainly don't. He doesn't owe me a lot but I would have thought he had the decency to say one line to explain himself. This cutting off of contact makes me think I did something wrong.

LegacyUser

Kimia, thanks for your advice yesterday. I thought last night that sometimes my number doesn't come up on his phone when we would be ringing over and back so decided to send him a text last night. Just enquiring how he was etc. Heard nothing back so thats it unless he replies in the next few days or something.
I have spent most of the morning crying, Im so upset by this and I think half of it is just the rudeness that if he has met someone else he doesnt have enough respect to say he has. I have totally lost faith in guys coz even when signs are there they still like you like there was with this and when we were going out, they will still not blink while hurting you. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could just talk to him and tell him how hurt I am because I had expected he might meet someone else but never expected him to ignore me.

I just can't get over the fact he doesn't care. I just feel our whole relationship was a lie and when he broke up he said he never lied about anything he said but obviously everything was a lie. Im crying writing this - sad I know!

Warfi

unreg10 wrote: »

Kimia, thanks for your advice yesterday. I thought last night that sometimes my number doesn't come up on his phone when we would be ringing over and back so decided to send him a text last night. Just enquiring how he was etc. Heard nothing back so thats it unless he replies in the next few days or something.
I have spent most of the morning crying, Im so upset by this and I think half of it is just the rudeness that if he has met someone else he doesnt have enough respect to say he has. I have totally lost faith in guys coz even when signs are there they still like you like there was with this and when we were going out, they will still not blink while hurting you. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could just talk to him and tell him how hurt I am because I had expected he might meet someone else but never expected him to ignore me.

I just can't get over the fact he doesn't care. I just feel our whole relationship was a lie and when he broke up he said he never lied about anything he said but obviously everything was a lie. Im crying writing this - sad I know!

Don't lose faith in men because of what he did. Bad manners is not a male trait, it's his trait. Give yourself a bit of time to grieve over this, then move on. There's no harm crying about it, you were hurt. Forget about letting him know how you feel....has anything he's done recently given you the impression that he would understand how you feel?

ash23

Ok, has he been on facebook at all since you last heard from him.
Can you see if he's left other people comments etc.
If he hasn't then he might've lost his phone or taken a trip to another place (I know when my sis was abroad she went out to some islands and there was no coverage at all).

He might be moving around and not be able to get near a PC.

If he's been on facebook then he's been online and he's gotten your emails etc and he's being a jerk. Delete his number and leave him to his travels and focus on guys who are at least in the same hemisphere as you.

LegacyUser

Ya, he has been on facebook commenting on his ex's status. This just gets better. I just can't believe he would be like this. Ah well, I might learn as time goes on.

ash23

unreg10 wrote: »

Ya, he has been on facebook commenting on his ex's status. This just gets better. I just can't believe he would be like this. Ah well, I might learn as time goes on.

Well, you're well rid so.

I think it's harder when you're the one left behind. I know it happened to me last year. I'd been seeing a guy for a few months and he went to Oz (repeat visit). My life was the same old, same old whereas he was doing new things, moving around, meeting new people etc so I think I felt and thought more about the whole thing than he did.

He got with a girl over there a few months after arriving (I found out via facebook) and I cut contact then. He'd been texting every day and emailing me but never mentioned he had a girlfriend and was down visiting her family.

That was a good few months ago and it was tough at the start but feelings fade.

Delete his number, delete him as a friend on facebook, delete his email address.
If he wants to contact you he will but I wouldn't be contacting him for a while.

vandermeyde

Hi Op,

Does he know you've been with other fellas since he's been gone? It maybe that he was having a nice little ego stroke thinking you were at home pining for him whilst he was off and if he found this out he's just decided to cut all contact.

Either way, he's an ex, so forget about him and move on!

LegacyUser

We haven't discussed it. I kinda made a joke once that I had but he never said he had neither did I but just presumed he didn't expect me to live like a nun while he was gone. Trouble is any of the dates I went on they were nothing compared to what we had but sure now that he has so little respect for me I can try forget that thought.
Sorry for doom and gloom I'm just gutted and now seeing he has been commenting on his other ex's status I'm just even more upset. So tempted to just write him an angry mail on facebook not to make him reply but to make him feel a small bit guilty but probably won't.

vandermeyde

well, really all that's happening now, is that you're going through the emotions of the breakup proper that should have happened six months ago.

Dates with other men will never measure up to the ex if he's always looming in the background like a great big shadow.

He's shown himself to be a coward and ignorant, traits I'm sure you don't find attractive in a person You're worth more than that, so forget about him, forget about emails, facebook, texts, and focus on yourself. Have a cry, get angry, get him out of your system but it's time to move onwards and upwards!

LegacyUser

Thanks. I will try, going to delete his number now, facebook still thinking about whether to write the mail. You're right I do deserve better than that and whats worst is fact that he initiated most of the contact, brought up going over to Oz etc etc. He must be having a great laugh now.
It's hard to move on when he doesn't even write a word or e mail but I know I deserve better so just going to try forget about him.

Beetlebum

Aww...you poor thing OP. I hate feeling taht hurt over something I can't conrol. It's so frustrating to think that all he has to do is send a little email or text to end your pain but he hasn't.
I would advise against sending him an email. He's not stupid and he must know that cutting contact so abruptly is hurtful and rude.You will achieve nothing by emailing him. Try your best to just forget about him. I bet you will hear from again when it suits him to write to you but if you email him now, his reply could be something like - You're not my girlfriend and I can do what I like kind of thing..
I did the whole Australia thinga dn tbh Ireland seemed very far away indeed. I highly doubt he's giving you even half the thought you've given him.
Be strong, he is not worth your tears sweetheart.

LegacyUser

I know he's not worth a minute of my time. I just can't believe I thought he was a lovely person and now I'm upset over something I can't control.
I sent the mail though, I know ye advised not to but he doesn't care much as it is so I'm expecting nothing back and I honestly dont really care what he thinks of me as doesn't think a lot of me now. It actually helped writing it down. I'm not expecting an e mail back at all, going to delete him as facebook friend now but it just helped to vent the anger at him. And even if al he saw me was as a friend and all I saw him was the same, I still deserve to be told what is going on with him.
Anyway Im not going to see if he mails back, I'm just so angry and humiliated I had to send the mail.