Would this be weird?

LegacyUser

About 5 years ago, I worked as an au pair for the summer for a Spanish family. I loved the kids and had fun with them but the mother was quite mean. She sort of pretended she was exercising 'tough love' but I just found her excessively mean. I was a bit shy back then and nervous being in a foreign country on my own, but IMO that was to be expected - I was only 18 and I'd only started learning the language 8 months earlier. When she asked about my future plans she laughed in my face and told me I'd never travel to South America or Asia because I was far too timid and frightened. She told me about moving to America for a year with the kids, and said if she'd been me she would have died of depression, which I also thought was really mean - you can't compare an 18 year old girl in a foreign country for the first time with a 35 year old married mother of two IMO!

Well, since then, I've done a number of things - I've been to South America alone, I did an Erasmus year in Germany, summer internships in France and Luxembourg and 18 months in the States. I was wondering recently how the kids were - would it be odd to e-mail and ask about them? Obviously I'd also be tempted to tell her what I've been up to, as I've proved her 100% wrong. Or would it be weird at this stage? The kids would be teenagers now and I'm just curious about if they've kept up their English, if they remember me and so on!

j4vier

in my opinion if you are really eager to get in touch with them, just do it to ask about the kids , i wouldnt even mention a word about what you did

the only thing that i can think of is that she was jelous of you, probably due to having the freedom of doing watherever you wanted to do and she couldnt, but i think people like that dont change..

LegacyUser

I had lots of au pairs growing up, I'm 30 now and still get phone calls from some of them every so often. Mainly at Christmas, but sure there is no harm at all.

Don't know why you needed the spiel about her being mean to you.

gwjones42

Do it!! If her meanness has been at the back of your head for so long, it's probably fair to say that it has been on eof your prime motivators in life?? If so, and you're as happy now as you can be then it's perfectly rational to want to get the last bit of personal satisfaction from it as you can.

Don't be in her face about it...just be quietly confident and the preface of wanting to see how the children are is perfect. That will do the trick!

Ickle Magoo

I think you should drop them a line if you want to, if it's about seeing the kids - if it's more of a two-fingers to the mother then I wouldn't bother.

I bumped into a child-minder I had not so long ago and it was fabulous to see them again, that was after 25 odd years so I'm certain after 5 yrs they will remember you! Best of luck.

LegacyUser

sure why not? nothing wrong with staying in touch. you need to be less worried about what other people consider 'weird'

they live good and far away from you so even if they do think its weird its not like they will have any influence on your life

LegacyUser

Well I guess it could be weird cos we didn't part on good terms, we had a few disagreements over the summer, and all in all I don't think it was a great success due to the personality clash between me and the mother. That said I do have good memories as well and the kids loved me, so perhaps it's normal to wonder what they're up to. Thanks!

Peggypeg

Have to tell you I wouldn't be taking the higher ground on this one, I'd email and ask about the kids and tell her everything you've been up too and then ask what she's been up to. That way you get to hear about how the kids are but also get a wee bit of pay back.

MissHoneyBun

Ah she's not worth it OP. People like that will just drag ya down so best to ignore and get on with doing your own thing.

Chucky the tree

It seems the main reason you want to get in touch is so you can brag to the mother about her being wrong, pretty pathetic tbh. If your still upset over a few words someone said to you 5 years ago maybe you should spend your time building a bridge. Not only that but her 'tough love' approach seemed to have worked on you anyway so maybe you should email her to thank her instead trying to go petty one-up-manship.

Snowman123

Chucky the tree wrote: »

It seems the main reason you want to get in touch is so you can brag to the mother about her being wrong, pretty pathetic tbh. .

How dare you tell this person their feelings are pathetic?

People hold on to feelings, situations and words for years, decades and some their whole lives. That does not make them pathetic, some situations are just more difficult to forget than others.

You are the pathetic one.

Op, if it makes you feel better why not! What have you got to loose?

It might be weird, but so what!?

You have two choices really, E-Mail and subtly mention the trips to South America. And ask about the children.
Or you could just take the higher moral ground and just ask about the children.

Chucky the tree

Snowman123 wrote: »

How dare you tell this person their feelings are pathetic?

People hold on to feelings, situations and words for years, decades and some their whole lives. That does not make them pathetic, some situations are just more difficult to forget than others.

You are the pathetic one.

Op, if it makes you feel better why not! What have you got to loose?

It might be weird, but so what!?

There's nothing wrong with holding onto feeling for however long someone wants, but acting on them just to get some petty revenge is pathetic.

Snowman123

Chucky the tree wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with holding onto feeling for however long someone wants, but acting on them just to get some petty revenge is pathetic.

IMO I didnt get the feeling op wanted to enact some petty revenge, just to tell this person that she was wrong about her.

And if that makes her feel better then good for her.

Bottle_of_Smoke

That mother won't care. She probably didn't believe any of the things she was saying. She's just a bully.

A normal human being wouldn't say those things, even if they thought they were true.