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Ex's Confusing Behaviour

  • 07-01-2010 1:54pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, I just wanted some advice on my ex's actions. To make a long story short, my ex and I have been broken up for 3 months after about a year together. He initiated the break up and I was pretty devastated to be honest. He told me that he wasn't in love with me and it wasn't fair to keep on seeing each other. Fair enough.
    He told me he wanted to be friends because he had developed a deep connection with me and wanted to keep that. I wasn't really that interested in staying friends, but we have mutual friends so it wasn't really an option not to see each other at all. Because of the mutual friend group, I have seen him on and off since the break up and we slept together once on a drunken night a month after the break up(stupid mistake). He texted me shortly after and asked if I would sleep with him again. I said no and explained that our sleeping together was a mistake and that I wasn't into casual sexual relationships.
    He asked me to meet up as friends about a month later and everything went pretty well, so I assumed that we could be friends just fine. We decided to meet up for coffee a week later and I thought it would be nice to start developing a friendly relationship rather than a romantic one. I was wrong.
    Everything was going well until about an hour after he came to my place. He kept touching me and begging me to sleep with him. I repeatedly said no and that I didn't want to have old feelings come back. He kept putting his hands under my dress and kissing my neck and pathetically begging me for sex. He kept saying things about me being the only woman he fantasized about and asking what he could do to get me to sleep with him again. This went on for nearly an hour. Now, I would expect this kind of behaviour from a teenager, but this is a 35 year old man. He even emailed me a week later to ask how I was as if nothing had happened!
    His actions have really hurt me because if I cared about someone whom I broke up with, I would never do this to them. To me, that shows a complete lack of respect for me on his part. I have since felt really devastated about the whole situation because it makes me feel as if our whole relationship was about sex. I would just like some advice on what to do or say to him now. Thanks everyone for reading and understanding. Sorry it's so long!


Comments

  • #2
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    OP - thats a bit fresh isnt it and thats what he was.

    He split with you and wanted to stay friends and now wants to be friends with benefits and has suggested it before. He just loves himself this guy.

    If you no longer want him as a friend then dont email him,text him or meet him. His sexual needs are not being fulfiiled elsewhere and are none of your concern and unless you want his attention ignore him.

    Should you tell him how hurt you are -probably not.Reply to his email -nah- just block his email address. If you are tempted to email him keep it simple and keep your dignity with a " Hi John - I dont want to be friends and I dont want to sleep with you -Bye bye XX"


  • #3
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    He wants things all on his own terms. "Friendship" when he wants it and sex when he wants it(the latter more I suspect), without the responsibility of a proper relationship and future. Scrape him off mutual mates or not. My take anyway.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #4
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    That would really scare me. I would avoid him as much as possible and make sure never to be alone with him. It's not on.


  • #5
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Scrape him off mutual mates or not.

    +100

    He broke it off with you, he hurt you, he pushed a friendship on you that you really didn't need at the time because of the 'deep connection' he felt and now he'd like to use you as basically an outlet for his physical needs. Scrape him right off!

    And possibly also let him know how very unattractive sheer desperation to get his hole is. All that pawing you as you told him to stop- urh!

    I wouldn't let it taint your memories of the relationship you guys did have but use it as a way to put a full stop on things. If you let him hang round as a friend he'll probably keep carrying on like this and that *will* taint your memories of your relationship because instead of lovely boyfriend you remember you'll see him as a creepy lech who can't keep his hands to himself and every memory you do have will change from 'remember when I did that with ex-boyfriend, that was nice' to 'jesus, remember when I did that with that creepy lech, jesus what was I thinking of, God I need a shower with a brillopad'


  • #6
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    I had to laugh when I read 'he had developed a deep connection with me and wanted to keep that'.

    Yeah. Except that he wanted to develop deep connections with other people at the same time, by any chance?


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  • #7
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    The once off sex seems to have given him ideas of getting you for a physical relationship only. I would give him a wide berth and certainly avoid being on your own with him if he thinks sticking his hands up your dress and begging are going to lure you into bed with him. :eek:


  • #8
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    totally drop this loser. He is just stringing you along and taking advantage of the fact that you still like him (or at least he was the one who called the shots and the relationship off). If he really had strong feelings for you he would not play this game of trying to just sleep with you and string you along as a friends with benefits. I completely fell for this game with my ex, exact same story. The more I was fine to accept the break up he came running trying to sleep with me, but had no intention to be in a relationship with me again. His friends even told me he had been a "free agent" for a long time and was sleeping with other people.

    Really dont waste your time on him. You deserve better and there is better out there. Dont entertain this guy at all, he sounds like such a creep. Run away far far away. Get your girlie friends, go out and have a great night. Forget any sort of friendship with him.


  • #9
    kenbrady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 404 ✭✭kenbrady


    sadgirl2424 wrote: »
    He texted me shortly after and asked if I would sleep with him again.

    He kept touching me and begging me to sleep with him.

    He kept putting his hands under my dress and kissing my neck and pathetically begging me for sex.

    asking what he could do to get me to sleep with him again.
    He's not your friend, his only interest in you is sex.
    Don't talk to him unless you have to when out with your mutual friends.


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