Am I going crazy?

littleknown

i would appreciate your help here,

the other night i got very drunk and pretty much turned from jeckyll to hyde, unrecognisable and possibly a danger to myself and others, this really really scared me as i seemed to lose control completely, the scariest thing was i did the same thing 2 years ago when again i had too much to drink and again i turned into a weirdo, it was like a psychosis of being posessed or something, horrible. i have a girlfriend whom i love but she has witnessed both of these and is understandably freaked out.

i probably do have issues as i have had a lot of stuff to deal with over the years but day to day i manage well although i am very cynical and keep to myself too much.i also notice that lately im pretty wound up with work and family. i know that i shouldnt drink so much but we do enjoy a beer every now and again with no problem but do tend to keep drinking once i start, the problem seems to be that if it gets out of hand i will enter this state again and possibly do something harmful to somebody. this really upsets me as it is not who i am, does anybody know what im talking about?? or suggest something i can do? i cant allow for me to enter that state again

Denerick

Edit by mod as it breaches the rules of the site and the forum.

<Standard heavy handed response>

Doop

I understand what you mean, as I have similar experiences myself and it scares the hell out of me a times. I have also seen in it relation to one of my friends.

I dont know about the above advice depends how serious an issue you view it to be.

For me when i drank in my younger years, and now once in a blue moon, i completely black out have no idea what happened from about half way through the night. And it can be really embaressing, cos i have to rely on what people tell me the following day, i have absolutly no memory of the night therefore, feel out of control say or do anything.

I quite enjoy drinking but you have to watch it, I also find once i start i keep going for the rest of the night, but theres a couple of tricks you can use...
1 - start drinking later on in the night, let your mates have there first 3/4 drinks then you start (not so they're drunker than u, just that by the end of the night you'll have drank less)
2 - Stay away from spirits and shots 100%
3 - Tell you OH if she thinks your heading for out of control to tell you and take you home BEFORE it gets to bad, maybe also a male friend you trust who is out with you alot.

You do say you think you have issues you havent delt with, well get that one sorted, and you wont have to worry about it. Theres no stigma about going to a counseller and dealing with stuff. it has to be done. it doesnt mean your a wierdo, or have "problems' and its not something that need to be done permantly. but it will defo help.

Good luck and dont ignore it...

One last thing, in answer to your question... No your not going crazy!

Denerick

You have two sides of the coin present here OP. Who knows, me or the second person might be wrong. But the fact that you're asking 'am I going crazy' tells me that your worried about your mental health and thus you should seriously get checked out.

Liam Byrne

littleknown wrote: »

the other night i got very drunk and pretty much turned from jeckyll to hyde.....

i did the same thing 2 years ago when again i had too much to drink....

i know that i shouldnt drink so much but we do enjoy a beer every now and again with no problem but do tend to keep drinking once i start.....

does anybody know what im talking about?? or suggest something i can do?

Stop drinking to excess.

Have one or two and go home.

If you choose to drink too much again, then you're consciously contradicting what you posted here about "never wanting to be like that again".

It's your choice.

Ickle Magoo

Stop getting so drunk for one, OP. You now know this is what can happen so stop triggering it through excess drinking. Give up altogether if you can't stop at one or two, that would certainly be a signal to your other-half that you are taking this seriously.

The second thing to do is to deal with whatever issues are causing the behaviour. See a professional and work through it. I don't know if you are going crazy, a professional would be the best person to consult on that but unresolved issues have a strange way of leaking out whether we want to confront them or not.

Taltos

OP

this struck me a few ways. I come from a lge family. Of us all only 2 exhibit strange reactions around drink.

a) One of my brothers - folk see him as dead sound and to his kids he is a big teddy bear. But.. after even 1 whiskey he is a different person - so extreme is the change that my other brother stopped him from attempting to strike his wife one night - after 1 drink.
> That was the end for him - after that night he has never touched whiskey again. Completely stopped. This after yrs of coming home with blood pouring from his head after single handedly attacking a rugby team - one of them bottled him. I was a kid at the time and had to clean that mess up.

b) Me. I can drink what I want. Don't get agressive. Some drinks don't seem to get me drunk but heighten my logic in a nasty way. However - once and only once after many mixtures I blacked out and well leaving it there...
> Since then I too have never looked back and gotten myself into a similar situation. Hindsight is wonderful but regret is eternal.

You need to do the same.
It is all well and good asking your OH to get you out of there - but this is taking the responsibility from you. Only you can control what you drink or don't. It is not your OHs place to baby sit you each and every time you go out. You need to do this for yourself so that you can go out and enjoy yourself without wondering what is going to happen next.

Make the change now - limit what you drink - or mix a pint of water in between each round - I know my mates slag me for it - but for me it works.

Take control now before you do hurt someone else or yourself. If you are worried about it now think what the guilt will do to you later.

In terms of not being able to stop after having one - this is a control issue and possibly a signal of a dependency. Try not having the one or again changing your routine / habit of drinking.

Babooshka

littleknown wrote: »

i cant allow for me to enter that state again

Hiya

I know what you mean, it doesn't sound like you're going mad at all. I had to curb it myself when I started getting some psychotherapy for past woes. If you do go that route, be warned it will drag up stuff for you and you'll feel even more irritable, upset and maybe angry, so watch your drinking. I was warned by my therapist to watch it, so I cut out drinking too much and it definitely helped. Alcohol really just drags out what is deep inside as your inhibitions slide away and your ego lets go of your inner child and it throws a tantrum, if it is angry and unresolved with past issues. I know that sounds like awful psychobabble, ology fuelled twat but it really is true.

But it won't go away until you've done something about it so if I was you, I'd think about what's deeply bugging you and either try writing it down, talking it over with someone, or getting some therapy if you feel you can. Best of luck. I don't think you sound insane at all B

Nevyn

Denerick do not try and tell people what they 'have' over the internet.
It breaches the site and forum rules and is unhelpful.

Nevyn

You could be having a range reactions to the alchol which only your dr can help you get to the bottom of, go talk to your gp about it.

Denerick

Thaedydal wrote: »

You could be having a range reactions to the alchol which only your dr can help you get to the bottom of, go talk to your gp about it.

Hi, please do not offer advice about whether the OP is suffering from an alcohol problem or not as you are not qualified to make that observation.

Have a nice day.

Denerick.

sam34

Thaedydal wrote: »

You could be having a range reactions to the alchol which only your dr can help you get to the bottom of, go talk to your gp about it.

Denerick wrote: »

Hi, please do not offer advice about whether the OP is suffering from an alcohol problem or not as you are not qualified to make that observation.

Have a nice day.

Denerick.

thaedydal did not mention an "alcohol problem", she suggested the possibility of a range of reactions to alcohol, and suggested the op seek medical advice, which is the sensible thing to do.

Wibbs

Denerick take a week off, for not heeding the rules of this forum and derailing the thread with a petty tit for tat. Thank you.

tinkerbell

Just stop drinking - it's as simple as. I can't understand why people are so obsessed with drinking in this country, it's ridiculous. Yes people can enjoy a few social drinks but if it's actually messing with you so much that drinking is causing you to lose control then you should stop altogether.

It doesn't matter if it's one or two drinks and then go home - you might just get into the spirit of being out with your friends and then say oh it's just one more, and then it's another one more, and before you know it - you're totally wasted and acting like a weirdo again (your words).

It's quite obvious that drink just doesn't agree with you, like others said you may have some sort of reaction to alcohol that others wouldn't have but if drink is making you go like that then you should just stop. I mean surely you can just go without boozing - it's not essential to life and isn't your health a lot more important to you than having a good time?

tenchi-fan

Hi
I know just how you feel & I hope this is good advice because i'm speaking from experience. Drink's great at bringing all your insecurities, rage and paranoia out. One minutes you're having a few drinks, enjoying the craic, enjoying being open and honest with people, then somewhere your mind triggers your insecurities but because you're too drunk you don't really notice the transition from merry to downright twisted. It's good to lay off the drink occasionally because it helps you body to recover and you will be more healthy both physically and mentally.
My advice would be to find out what is causing you the pain/hurt/frustration. It might take a bit of soul searching but that's the real problem, drink's only a catalyst.
More from my experience..
if by family you mean your parents, brothers or sisters... I've been there. I had a misguided loyalty to certain members of my family even though all they did was cause me stress and abuse. Try keeping your family at arms length. If they criticise you, say you'd prefer to listen to more constructive feedback.
With work, if you don't like the job look for another. if you feel inadequate in a job just do your best. If you feel bored in a job find hobbies outside work. One woman I worked with used to switch off her PC at 4pm every day and go home. If she got calls for ad-hoc(and usually interesting but unnecessary) reports to be produced by various managers, she'd just say she had a workload and a tight schedule and unfortunately would not have time to take on additional work.

Basically, it's all about not letting the little things get you down and taking control of your own life. Just because too much of our social lives resolve around alcohol doesn't mean we should rely on it as a coping mechanism because it will only let you down.

littleknown

hi,thanks very much for all the feedback, i didnt think posting here would help me so much with the issue but it is good to hear from people outside of my own head so again thanks

i think i have a low self esteem issue and i am frustrated by work and family issues neither of which seem to be easily fixed. day to day i seem to get by ok but there are signs that i am frustrated such as short temper and cynicism. drinking too much in no way helps and i have to take control of that issue as suggested.

the other night it was one incident that triggered my reaction but my reaction was way over the top and it just kept getting out of control. looking back it was definitely a trigger which let me release all my frustrations so to all others it must have seemed like madness which it was.

earlier when i said posessed what i meant was that all my negative thoughts took over completely. i am usuallly reasonably positive and am sociable but the drink let all of my negative thoughts and personality traits out which is not a pleasant thing. this was the loss of control.

regarding one of the posters comments on giving up drink altogether this is a bit tricky. i like to have the odd drink and 99per cent of the time i am ok.i feel if i stopped drinking i would lose all contact with some of my friends which is sad but probably true.

i have decided to do a few things to help myself and would appreciate any feedback on what you think.

i am going to join a hobby group to become more engaged with people in a positive way.
i am going to avoid all drink for a while.
i am going to avoid all situations where excessive drink is likely. i have already cancelled a weekend with my friends which for sure would have been a 3 day binge.
i am going to look deeper into my family issues.
i am going to look for a new job.

thanks again for your feedback so far.

Taltos

All of these sound really positive and good.
The only one that would concern me a little is your idea of abstaining for a while - the only risk I see there is the eventual binge when you come off the wagon. Hopefully though been now and then you will learn some new skills to help you manage that situation better.

Learning control / self-restraint is a good way of doing that - hence my earlier suggestion about alternating with a soft drink or water - but find whatever works for you.

Take it slowly - don't make any radical changes just yet. Working on your personal issues is a good idea - just be aware that sometimes these journeys can make you feel worse for a while. Key thing is to follow through on whatever you start.

My bro - ex whiskey has since turned his life around. Self esteem still gets him - but he now runs his own business and has a great family. It was a hard slog for him - but just take it one day at a time.