jealousy/insecurity

boldielox

hi i am a 30 year old guy. i have huge insecurity/self confidence/jealousy traits. i am decent looking and have always had a good looking girl. the thing is i get jealous at the sight of my girl talking to another guy. i row alot with her over my jealous insecurity. and when the drink is onboard i become very intolerant and curse at her, i can create a scene in public and frighten her. i would not hit her but i would sometimes be in a rage. i would have huge guilt for days after and i would be very apologetic and i know i did wrong but the scenario continues to happen. i have tried hyonotherapy and i am seeing a councellor for CBT. but can i ask has anyone been like this and mastered a way or found therapy or anything which has altered their ways leading to a happy exhilerating life for them and their partner. i have had many failed relationships over this but cant seem to find a cure. im not a bad guy all the time. i have seen my GP but he sent me to a councellor he knew but it aint working too good. is there anyone who can give me the name of a good councellor or therapy or anything which can help.

Kevster

Hi,

I don't understand why you're asking for a therapist or counsellor when you're already seeing one and haven't hinted that it (the CBT) isn't going well for you. Just focus on the therapy you're getting now and work with that. I also suggest that you arrange to have a 'talk' with your partner over tea/coffee, and in this 'talk', you should both be honest about what you both want from the future. I'd also suggest apologising to her, if you haven't done so already. It would show that you genuinely recognise you have a problem, and I think it'd buy you more time.

Other than that, you will really have to work hard on this. You will have to plan ahead and tell yourself that you simply won't comment the next time you see her with someone else. She is perfectly entitled to do what she pleases and have the freiends she has, and accepting this as being 'okay' and 'right' is advisable.

Kevin

LegacyUser

OP i was in a similar boat a few years back. minor insecurities and doubts became massive issues when i saw my gf with someone else, but the key to every time it happened was alcohol. if you can't handle your feelings when you're drunk then don't drink around her. you will not improve your behaviour until you deal with the underlying issues and insecurities, and she will not tolerate this sort of drunken behaviour for very long.

LegacyUser

Reading you post is like reading a transcripts of my life, or my former life. I know exactly what you mean, you attract decent looking women and its not that you don't trust her, but you don't trust anyone else.

What you have to do is stop being like this, I know it sounds simple but that's all you can do. If she wants to go off, just forget about her. I can assure you that she is not going to run off with some other guy while you are in the same club, and if she did, she wouldn't be worth it anyway. You also have to remember that she is with you. If she meets some guy she will inform them in some way that she is in a relationship and 99% of guys see that as a line which is not to be crossed.

On the other hand, if you keep up with this type of behaviour you are going to lose her. In the end of the day is shows insecurity which women are not attracted to. Remember women like their men to be manly, so act like it. When you act like a jealous prat you only damage yourself.

So next time you're out, and she is off talking to her mates, disappear for a while, go off and smoke a cigarette or something. Let her come back to you. I know it seems hard at first, but think how much you will be rewarded when you get to go home after a nice night out and have her snuggle up to you, when all those other guys would kill to be in the same situation.