Overstepping boundaries???

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just wanted opinions please. Some friends of mine arrived home early (unexpectedly) from a weekend away to find that their other bisexual housemate had held a sex party. They were very tolerant of his sexuality up to this point, he'd be hard to label but you'd defo call him a bit slutty and in your face I suppose. There was lube, c*ck rings, dildos and other things I don't know how to spell all over the sitting room (he has his own room but was too small I suppose). There's 4 of them there, 1 wants to have it out with him and ask him to leave. The others want to forget about it. The angry one has asked my advice, I think I'd be of the angry point of view but I don't know if I'm just a prude? Opinions please?

Thanks.

T "real deal" J

That's just disrespectful, he should be out on his ear. Your friends haven't paid rent for their living space to be used as cock central.

If in his own room while they were gone, then that's ok.

But using the rest of the house; people have to eat off the tables and sit on the chairs etc. it's rotten. Unacceptable, i just don't understand why people are worried these days to stand up for themselves.

ash23

Would it have been an issue if the flatmate had been caught shagging his gf on the sofa while they thought they were home alone?

I agree it's a bit disrespectful but I also think that it's a risk you run when house sharing and nothing more serious than him walking in on a party. Nothing illegal was going on and in fairness he did arrive back unannounced.

They could have a word with him and ask him to keep his sex life in his room but I think asking him to leave is going overboard.
Also out of 4 people only one wants him gone. Majority rules so he should just forget about it and calm down.

The fact that you say

they were very tolerant of his sexuality up to this point

indicates that it is a lot to do with his sexuality and a general intolerance of this. Why would they be tolerating his sexuality. It's none of their business unless he pulls a stunt like this.

A quiet one

Was he really embarassed and aplogectically whilst been caught with nowt on but a cheeky apron and armed wih some detol wipes --- leave him be

Caught with a couldn't care less, so F-you attitude..--sling him out.

Nevyn

He should have cleaned up, no one should come home to that in a comunal living space.
His sexuality has nothing to do with him being an idiot and not have the common courtsy to
consider his flat mates.

ash23

Thaedydal wrote: »

He should have cleaned up, no one should come home to that in a comunal living space.
His sexuality has nothing to do with him being an idiot and not have the common courtsy to
consider his flat mates.

I'd imagine he would have cleaned up but housemate did arrive home unexpectedly.
Ever thrown a party and thought "ah feck it, I'll clean up in the morning before they get home". In this case the housemate arrived back early.

I'm guessing that if he hadn't partyanimal would have cleaned up and nobody would be any the wiser.

cafecolour

This seems like a sanitary issue more than anything - how clean is the place in general? If it's generally a dump with festering dishes and never cleaned counters, he doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. If it's generally kept very clean than it's much more egregious.

Leaving a dildo around is pretty gross - that's like leaving a used condom on the living room floor. To extend ash's analogy - if a flatmate shagged a girl on the sofa and accidentally left used condom, would he flip out or just sort of laugh it off?

It all seems pretty moot though tbh - if he's the only one out of 4, then he's outvoted. He may just need to move to a flat with more fastidious housemates.

tenchi-fan

Did he actually have a sex party, a guy over, or a ****? And did he leave the stuff lying around for a few days or did your friends basically just catch him before he cleared up.
If he literally had a mass orgy I'd show him the door. Otherwise you should tell him to be more considerate in future. If you don't want to be homophobic you just have to look at it from the point of view that if he was a girl how would you treat him. have words or kick her out?
Obviously his attitude comes into it - was he apologetic or did he not care.

kittenkiller

1st rule of sharing a house with people, always clean up after your own sex-parties!

If your angry friend had come home to find he and his boyfriend/girlfriend had been making love together on the couch after a romantic meal would he be as angry?

It was out of order for the housemate not to tidy up after himself but once rules are laid out and it doesn't happen again I can't see an issue with moving on.

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

Would it have been an issue if the flatmate had been caught shagging his gf on the sofa while they thought they were home alone?

I agree it's a bit disrespectful but I also think that it's a risk you run when house sharing and nothing more serious than him walking in on a party. Nothing illegal was going on and in fairness he did arrive back unannounced.

They could have a word with him and ask him to keep his sex life in his room but I think asking him to leave is going overboard.
Also out of 4 people only one wants him gone. Majority rules so he should just forget about it and calm down.

The fact that you say indicates that it is a lot to do with his sexuality and a general intolerance of this. Why would they be tolerating his sexuality. It's none of their business unless he pulls a stunt like this.

Hey,

OP again.

Sorry I should clarify the statement "they were quite tolerant of his sexuality up to this point", it's kinda hard to explain but I'll try. Well you know the way people's sexuality is generally a kinda personel thing? Well with him it's not, he wears pvc skirts and "outragous" clothes even when he know his housemate's parents will be over to visit, it seems that it's also all he really talks about and get's very huffy if someone says it's making them uncomfortable, it's like his sexuality is the biggest part of his personality? I don't really know how to explain it better than that sorry.

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Did he actually have a sex party, a guy over, or a ****? And did he leave the stuff lying around for a few days or did your friends basically just catch him before he cleared up.
If he literally had a mass orgy I'd show him the door. Otherwise you should tell him to be more considerate in future. If you don't want to be homophobic you just have to look at it from the point of view that if he was a girl how would you treat him. have words or kick her out?
Obviously his attitude comes into it - was he apologetic or did he not care.

Hey OP again,

Sorry if I wan't clear before. All of them were gone away except for the sexparty guy. I'm not sure if he was planning to clean up before hand or exactly how many people were there but when they got home they found, several cockrings, several dildos (1 on the kitchen counter), whips, handcuffs, other stuff that they couldn't figure out and this one struck me as odd; the two couches were facing each other with the legs tied together. He hasn't mentioned it at all. The house is generally tidy and clean. When they discovered it they just went to the pub coz they really didn't know what to say and they didn't want to have to touch anything. They said when they got home he had removed all the sex stuff but hadn't cleaned any of the surfaces so one of the other housemates went over all the surfaces with dettol.

LegacyUser

hey Op again,

Situation has now been resolved. The angry housemate has decided to move in with some other friends, said he really didn't feel comfortable in the house anymore, it was all resolved very friendly so that's good.

hungryhippo

prudeyprude? wrote: »

...... Well with him it's not, he wears pvc skirts and "outragous" clothes even when he know his housemate's parents will be over to visit, it seems that it's also all he really talks about and get's very huffy if someone says it's making them uncomfortable, it's like his sexuality is the biggest part of his personality? I don't really know how to explain it better than that sorry.

Sounds like ' I'm the only gay in this village!' syndrome.